How To Be Happy?

Chapter 35

What to Deny

Nakaupo kaming dalawa ni Tita Charie sa isa sa mga benches na nasa harap ng fishpond. Napapaligiran din kami ng mga nagtataasang puno. Hindi pa rin bumabalik si Keanu kahit ilang minuto na rin ang lumipas magmula ng umalis siya. Kanina pa kami tahimik ni Tita, napansin kong patingin-tingin lamang siya sa paligid habang may ngiti sa mukha niya. Huminga ako ng malalim, napansin siguro niya kaya agad niya kong nilingon.

"Sa tingin ko alam mo na naman, your Titas and Titos are still not happy sa ginawa mo four years ago, Cha, " sabi ni Tita at agad nu umiwas ng tingin sa akin. Kahit hindi siya nakatingin ay hindi ko pa rin napigilan ang pagtango.

"Sinisi pa rin nila ako, " sagot ko.

"Maybe at siguro iyon pa rin ang rason kung bakit hindi sila pumunta sa araw ng death anniversary ng Daddy mo, " she hissed. "When I asked them if they're coming kahit alam ko na ang sagot ay hindi, I was still hoping they'd come because I want the past wounds to finally heal, " narinig ko ang malalim na paghinga ni Tita.

"I am the youngest sibling and growing up I've seen everyone picking and pointing out favorites, " kwento pa ni Tita.

"And I was no one's favorite, " I bitterly smiled.

"You are my favorite, " sabi ni Tita na ikinagulat ko. Nilingon niya ako at nginitian.

"I like your spirit. You don't like pleasing anyone even your Lola and for me, it wasn't a bad thing. Being yourself isn't a bad thing and choosing to be yourself in front of all the people who wants you to be someone else is courage, " sabi niya then she softly poke my nose.

"I'm also the youngest and they're expecting bigger things on me na kahit ako hindi ko maisip na magagawa ko. I did everything to reach their expection and I did but the saddest part was that I made them truely happy yet I am still unhappy. I was sad, " Tita Charie held my hands.

"It was too late when I finally had the chance to do the things I want and love the people I love, " sadness are very visible in her eyes na parang nagtago bigla ang masiglang Tita Charie.

"I am just their child, their sibling and we're all blood related but they don't have the slightest idea about the things I want, "

"This is why I decided not to have kids eh, I don't want to torment them of my own pain, " I heard Tita chuckled. "Ayoko sabihin na kasalanan ng mga magulang pero sa tingin ko mali na ipasa sa mga anak ang frustrations nila sa buhay. Hindi pwedeng dahil hindi nila naabot ang sarili nilang pangarap ay isisiksik nila sa utak ng mga anak nila na ito ang tamang pangarapin. May kanya-kanya rin naman tayong gusto sa buhay, fuck the culture! " Tita Charie's sudden change of mood is shocking. "Let the kids do what they want, learn and correct their own mistakes because what is the point of being successful when you're actually sad?"

"Oh don't be shock sweety! " natatawang sabi ni Tita Charie.

"A-ayos lang po, " nauutal na sagot ko kay Tita tsaka nginitian ko siya na sa tingin ko ay mukha namang ngiwi.

"So why am I saying this? Siguro yun ang tanong na nasa utak mo, " bumuntong hininga si Tita at hinawakan ako sa magkabilang balikat ko.

"I want you to keep going and to let you know that there's no perfect time in life. Hindi ako naniniwala na hindi natin hawak ang oras sa mundo kasi ang totoo niyan nasa kamay lamang natin ito, naghihintay kung kailan natin siya gagamitin sa tama, " malaman na sinabi ni Tita sa akin.

"If you like the new guy, go for it! I can see that he's nice and his eyes look so different when he's looking at you kumpara kapag tinitingnan niya ako kasi siyempre naman ako hindi niya gusto, " at muli ay makahulugang tumawa si Tita. Napansin ko ang pag lipat ng nga tingin ni Tita mula sa akin papunta sa direksyon sa likuran ko.