Once in a Lifetime

Her Pain

We stepped outside my hotel, Jimmy staying close as we blended in with the New York City crowd. Most people didn't recognize Jimmy, but a few did. He politely stopped to sign autographs and take pictures with them. I had always heard how gracious he was with his fans and now I was seeing it action. It really endeared him to me.

Most of the time while he was talking to some of the fans, I could hear others whispering and pointing to me, giggling. I wasn't sure if Jimmy could hear them or not, but I could. The comments were very unflattering to me, like why was Jimmy hanging out with such a fat cow, or that I must be a cousin or something like that and he was just showing me around the city, that Jimmy couldn't possibly be seeing me or interested in me.

I kept a smile on my face, but it never reached my eyes and inside my heart was already breaking. I knew Jimmy and I could never work out. I would be lampooned in the media, touted as too fat and not pretty enough to be hanging with a star like Jimmy Fallon.

Finally, he was able to get away from the fans, especially the ones who seemed to want to keep him talking. He politely let them know that he had to go and motioned for me to start walking.

"I'm sorry about that. It happens to me every day and it comes with the territory, but I was hoping I could avoid it today," Jimmy said once we were out of earshot of the fans.

"It's ok. I think it makes you a more likable star. You make people feel at ease while they are around you," I replied as we continued to walk down the street.

"Thank you. I guess your right. But I really just wanted to spend my time with you before work," he said, smiling.

I didn't say anything, blushing once again. We came to a nice Mediterranean restaurant, one that was not heavily trafficked by tourists. Jimmy lead me into the building and we were seated near the back, away from public eyes, which I was grateful for. We ordered our drinks and the waiter left for a few minutes.

Jimmy didn't say anything for a minute or two. I thought he was looking at his menu. But, I chose what I wanted, closed the menu and looked up to see Jimmy watching me.

"What?" I asked, becoming uneasy with him watching me. My heart began to sink; I just knew this would be where he would tell me he had a great time, but we would be parting ways. I could feel my heart breaking already.

"I heard what some of the fans were saying out there when we stopped. I just want to say how sorry I am that they were talking so bad about you. They couldn't have been true FalPals because they would not belittle another Pal. I know from Twitter, Tumblr and Facebook that they look out for each other. I'm just so sorry that those people were so mean."

I couldn't believe he heard the insults that were directed at me. I was so embarrassed that he felt that he had to apologize to me for their unkind words. I looked down, swallowing back the lump in my throat as my vision blurred and tears fell to the table below. I had to get out of the restaurant and away from Jimmy.

I grabbed my purse, stood up quickly, glancing at him, "I'm sorry Jimmy. I have to go. Thank you for the coffee this morning. I hope you have a great show."

I could hear Jimmy calling my name as I left the restaurant, putting as much distance as I could between me and him. It didn't take long for me to blend in with the crowd. I made my way to Central Park, finding a spot that was far enough away from the walking paths.

I sat down on the grass under a large tree, pulling my knees up to my heaving chest, the pain from the comments that the fans had made and Jimmy's apology crashing over me. The tears fell unbidden as I cried my heart out.

I could hear my phone ringing and knew it had to be Jimmy, but I refused to answer it. I just wanted him to live his life and forget about me. The pain in my heart was getting worse as the tears fell faster down my face. Old memories from school, work and my life in general decided to parade through my mind, depressing me worse.

The phone was ringing for the fifth time and I had had it. I picked up the phone, seeing Jimmy's caller ID. I decided to answer it and save me future heartache.

"Karen?! Are you..." I stopped him from going any further. " Jimmy, please don't call me anymore. I'm not good enough for you and I never will be. I'm too fat and not pretty enough to be seen with you, let alone hang out with you. I don't want to be an embarrassment to you. Thank you for being as nice as you have been. I will cherish that. Goodbye Jimmy," I said, hanging the phone up.

I turned it on silent and threw my phone into my purse.

Jimmy's POV

I hit the end button on my phone, staring at it dumbfounded. I could hear the raw pain in Karen's voice and my heart was breaking. She thinks she's not good enough for me?! That she's an embarrassment to me?! Being the Irish mush that I was, my eyes began to water, a few tears falling down my face.

After Karen ran out of the restaurant, I completely lost my appetite. So I apologized to the waiter, paid for the drinks and left him a good tip and left. I still had about an hour before I had to be at 30 Rock. I knew she had said she didn't want me call her or anything, but I knew that the condition she was in, I had to find her.

Karen didn't realize that I was beginning to develop feelings for her. I know we had only met the day before, but I really liked her. I could tell that she had been through way too much crap in her life. She said she was too fat and not pretty enough to be seen with me. That really hurt me the most. I realized in that whatever had happened in her life, she had been told that because she was heavier that she wasn't pretty and didn't deserve to be happy. I think that made the angriest.

I decided to walk through Central Park to clear my head before I headed to work. It was where I went right after I met Nancy, when I decided to propose to her, when I found out I was going to be a father, and when Nancy and I split up. For some reason, for me, Central Park was where I could think the best.

I was walking down one of my favorite paths when I happened to look to my left, and did a double take. There, sitting under one of the tulip trees, was Karen. She was sitting with her knees against her chest, her arms wrapped around her legs, her face buried in between her knees. Her body was shaking, and I could hear her sobs of anguish.

"Oh my God," I whispered, making my way to the young woman before me with the broken heart.