The Bad Boys Game

Chapter 18- Cry

This week has been so slow. I haven't gone out all week. I have had so much homework and tests I haven't been anywhere except school and my house.

Everyday Ryder and I get closer. We have a bunch of classes together, we always have. We have just never engaged in a conversation together together until just recently.

Ryder is actually a really funny guy once you meet him. Everyday we come up with new inside jokes. I've never been yelled at more for talking in class than I ever have this week.

Being friends with Ryder is both a blessing and a curse. He distracts me in class all of the time and even makes me laugh during tests. We talk so much I never pay attention to what the teacher has to say. But having him around makes the day better.

I don't like the way he makes me feel sometimes. He makes me feel so happy, it's unsettling. He makes me want to jump in the air and start dancing, happy. I haven't felt like this in a while.

And I don't like that Ryder makes me feel this way. This means that I'm falling for him. Well, fell. I know I have. I find myself staring at him all the time. It's almost creepy. I love watching the way he looks when he smiles or is trying to concentrate.

The last time I felt like this did not end well. It broke me. Ryder doesn't seem like he's anything close to Atlas, but people surprise you. I feel like one day I will wake up and all of this will be over and I will be miserable all over again.

I truly believe that you gotta go through something that completely destroys you in order to figure out who you truly are.

All these thoughts are just free floating through my head right now. I can't even comprehend my feelings right now. For Ryder or Atlas. I still don't know where we stand. If we are good or not.

I hear my phone ringing from the other side of my room. I look at the collar I.D and take a deep breath. Even though there is no contact name, I recognize the number.

Speak of the devil, and he shall appear.

"What do you want Atlas?" I say putting him on speaker and laying down in my bed. I hate talking to people on the phone that are not on speaker.

"What's wrong Princess?" Atlas asks sounding hurt at my tone.

"I just want to know why you're calling me when I specifically told you to delete it and never contact me."

"You and I both know that I've never been one to listen to orders." I tilt my head to the side in agreement even though he can't see me. "Anyways, I wanted to patch things up with us. Never got to at the football game because your boyfriend was basically staring a hole through my head."

"There's nothing to 'patch up' Atlas. We've both moved on with our lives. Let's move on now."

"So he is your boyfriend? He's what you consider moving on?"

"He's not my boyfriend, not that it is any of your concern."

"Well that's a relief, you can do better."

"Anything better than you is an upgrade."

"Wow, that hurts Princess. You wound me."

"Yeah well you wounded me when you told me that you loved me then the next day you left."

"You know I love you Taylor." Atlas says with his voice getting hard.

"You left me when you knew I needed you. That's not love."

"Yeah? Well then how do I remember exactly where our first kiss was? I know exactly what you wore on the first day of the sixth grade. I know how you got the scar on your knee and on the middle finger of your right hand. I know the brand of mascara you use and your favorite brand of lemonade. Your favorite color is gray because that's how you feel most days. I know the way you smile when you're hiding pain. The only person who's truly broken your heart was your father. I know your biggest fear is being forgotten by others. I know you're scared of everyone leaving and I know that that is my fault. I left you because I didn't know how to love you. I know I broke you. But there isn't a day that's gone by I haven't wanted to bring you white roses, which are your favorite because red are too basic, and tell you how much you mean to me."