The Bad Boys Game

Chapter 19- Confused

I don't know where Ryder and I stand. We have spent the last couple of weeks hanging almost every single day after school. Every time it's at my house and we mostly just lay around watching tv. Sometimes we go to the park to have lunch. Only when it's really nice out.

We also started kissing a lot. Never in public and always in private. Sometimes he grabs me in the hallway and kisses me in the corner. That always gives me a mini heart attack. But we also like to hang at at my house and make out. Honestly I would like to do more but I just can't bring myself to. I just don't trust him enough to give him more. I don't quite know his true intentions yet.

There has been mini instances where my mom has caught him in the house. Don't get me wrong, she's pretty chill about people in my house. But she doesn't really like when I have boys in the house who I make out with on the couch on a daily basis. She will start asking questions about him, maybe some I can't even answer myself. She cares way too much and I don't want to tell her about someone who might not be around next week.

I don't want my mom knowing about Ryder until I actually know. I like him. Like a lot. But I can't let him know that. I know it's going to come back and bite me in the ass. I don't know how he feels about me. Does he feel the same? Am I just a game to him? Who knows. But as long as he doesn't know I have genuine feels for him, everything will be great.

He always spends time with me, but he always is with other girls. Every time I see him around school he's with some other girl most likely flirting. That angers me. And I hate that it angers me. I shouldn't be this way. But I somehow feel betrayed when he hangs out with the other girls. He always says they are friends but I mean come on. He's a guy, nice looking one too, any girl would want him.

Sometimes I find myself flirting with guys right in front of him just to get him angry. It works, but doesn't help anything. I only flirt with guys on the team that I know hate him and who I used to talk to when I was on the cheer team. They are all sweet, but they also know what I am doing. And they like that. I know it's bad and I always say I'm not going to do it again and then I find myself doing it anyways.

I've also started making it a normal occurrence to talk to Atlas on the phone. I miss him a lot. Not being with him, but being his friend. I've made it quite clear that nothing is going to happen between us. I try to avoid talking about Ryder with him though. I somehow feel guilty for holding it from Ryder even though we are dating or anything. I know he cares about me and doesn't want me to get hurt by Atlas again.

I always think about what Atlas told em. How he didn't know how to love me. I be asked him a couple times to explain that but he said he wants to explain it to me in person. It's not something he wants to do over the phone. I love him for thinking that.

I wake up this morning particularly angry. No reason at all, but I just don't feel like being bothered. These days usually happen maybe two or three times a month.

I decided to skip first period for the sole purpose to avoid Ryder. I'm just not in the mode to play the childish games of his. I lay in the bed all throughout first period laying around.

I finally get up and get dressed. I put in black leggings with an oversized cheetah quarter zip with white vans. I am officially running late so I put on mascara really fast and head out of the car.

On the way to school I listen to country music. No matter what mood I am in I am guaranteed to get better with country.

When I arrive to school it's lunchtime so I head to the cafeteria and find the regular table I sit at. Zach, Madison and Cody, the guy Madison is crushing on, all at the table.

"Hey guys." I say to everyone at the table and get a gentle nod in my direction from everyone.

"Hey Taylor, why weren't you in Trig this morning?" Cody asks. Obviously Cody does not know how this usually works. When someone from our friend group skips class, it's more than likely because we are pissed off and don't want to be bothered, otherwise we would've told each other.

"Oh I just wasn't feeling it this morning. I mean, I don't think anyone wants to hear Mr. Davis so early in the morning anyways." I say with a small smile.

I bring out my book and read for a little while. I soon get bored and decide to people watch. I soon find Ryder at another table talking to a girl. I roll my eyes and keep my eyes as far away as I can from Ryder.

I look back at Ryder and the girl and he's laughing with her. All I feel is hurt. He says such nice things to me, but I'm sure he says that to everyone. He is probably saying everything he knows that will work. This just gets me even more upset. I catch eye contact with him and instantly regret it. The bell rings and I grab my bag and leave as fast as possible.

I walk to Chemistry by myself and try to avoid eye contact with everyone. I finally get to class and bring out my book to read until class starts. I see Ryder out of the corner of my eye sit next to me. I try to conceal my sigh but a little portion of my disappointment falls out of my mouth.

"Did I do something wrong Taylor?" Ryder asks confused. Poor boy doesn't know how paused off I am when I really shouldn't be.

"No Ryder, I'm just not in the mood to talk right now okay?" I say trying to end the conversation there.

"Okay I get that. We are still on after school today right?" He asks.

"I don't know if that's a the best idea."

"Why not?" Ryder says raising his voice getting some people to look our way.

"Because I'm just not in the mood today, okay?" I say quietly.

"You're not in the mood to talk, you're not in the mood to hang out tonight. What are you in the mood to do then Taylor?" He says raising his voice even more at this point.

"Ryder can you please stop? You are bringing attention to us."

"You know what, I'll stop. I'll stop it right now." Ryder says grabbing his bag and storming out. Always the dramatic one.

*********

Hey guys!

I know I haven't updated in like forever! I've been in a writers block for the longest, and I felt like you guys deserved an update so I wrote this one real fast. I hope you guys enjoy it even though it's short. I have an idea of where I want to take the book but just bare with me for now!