College Boy

3

The next day I woke up early. I'm not sure if I even fell asleep. Millions of thoughts kept my mind off of sleep.

I spent the next two hours trying to focus at reading my book, but I had to read every sentence at least three times, so that I could understand it.

I really wanted to call Linda but I had no idea if it's still early for her. I waited for one more hour and then I dialed her. Only when it started to ring in my ear I realised that we live in the twenty first century and I could've just looked at the time difference on the internet.

"Yes, sweetie?" I could hear that she's smiling, and I already felt better.

"I don't think that talking with my mother is going to be possible." I said and clenched my teeth.

"Well, she doesn't really need to talk to me, of course that would be great, but I don't know the situation. She needs to sign the documents, though. Without her permission and signature you can't come." She explained and I breathed out in relief. I don't even have to talk to her again then.

"I'm going to get that signature." I stated.
I won't stop until I have it, because I'm going to England and no one's gonna stop me from doing that.

***

I spent the rest of the day time panicking because I couldn't find the documents anywhere. I knew that I had them somewhere in my room, I was sure about that, because we all got them when we signed and got accepted in the program, but that didn't make things easier, I still had no idea where I had put them.

When I finally decided to look under my bed, it was already dark outside. And there they were. Even stapled together. I looked for the one paper which said "parent permission". So I just left that at a table next to her coach and went outside. It was a warm summer night, and a little walk was just what I needed after a day full of stressing.

I was surprised at myself. I don't really do walks.

It was Friday but everything was surprisingly quiet here. There were just a few people on the streets. I walked with lots of thoughts in my head, so I didn't realize where I was heading to.
Before I could turn around, I was already facing a place next to a lake where the three of us liked to chill after school almost every day.

Suddenly all the memories and pain were back like it had happened just yesterday. England wasn't a thing that excites and makes me happy anymore.

And then I saw someone. I wasn't alone here.

"Rose?" I heard Emily's surprised voice. Justin started to cough. So they were still fucking. Got it.

"Unbelievable." I whispered to myself.
I had to get out of there as fast as possible. I didn't want to see their faces ever again. I started to walk away backwards, still facing them.

"No, wait! Please just wait." Emily yelled and started to run at me, so I stopped.

"I wanted to talk to you this whole summer, but I was too scared to do so. I want to make things right between us again because I can't live like this. You're my best friend." Her voice cracked, and for a second there, I actually believed her and almost hugged her.

"I was your best friend Emily, but then you decided to fuck my boyfriend." My voice was so quiet and weird that it almost scared me.

"I know that I screwed up but let me explain why I did this to you. Let me be in your life." She started to cry. All this act for what?

I wanted to leave or scream or break something! Or do it all together.

I could try to forget what they both did but I know for sure that I would not be able to forgive them.

"That won't be possible anyways." I said.

"Huh?" She looked surprised.

"I am leaving."

"What? When? To where?" Her voice was shaking.

"Too many questions." I said and turned around to start walking again.

"Wait!" Emily kept yelling.

"Just know that you won't see me ever again." I said without looking back.

"Oh, and Justin? I hope she sucks your dick better than I do, otherwise what a fucking waste, right?" I exclaimed, pointing up my middle finger at them.

While her voice kept fading away, I promised myself that I'm never coming back to this town. And I will really try to leave my past behind me because that's exactly where it's supposed to be. I just can't seem to let it go. But I have to. I have to start to live again. This time for myself.

When I came back to the house, it was probably around midnight. I kept wandering through the streets for hours until it got scary.

The light's were off and everything was dark and quiet.

I entered the living room and found the light's switch. My breath was somewhere lost and my body was shaking when I took the paper. Then, all of a sudden all in life seemed right. My mother had signed the paper.

I am going to England!

Nothing else seemed to matter anymore. Half dancing, I made my way to my room and jumped in my tiny bed.

I was dying to call Linda and tell her the news but it was too late for doing that. So I put my phone down to charge and had a shower. When I laid down again, I exhaled deeply for a few times. In all this hurry and rush, I didn't even stop for a moment to think about what this all really means.

I was actually accepted and I actually got a host family. And I was actually going to England!

It all still seemed like a bad joke!

I was always this girl who just suffered, stayed quiet and looked from behind, so it was extremely hard to believe that maybe life can be more than just that.

I just feel like my inner self won't really ever let me leave my past here in this shitty town. But I guess, we all have to start somewhere, right?