Bleeding hearts

Chapter twenty five

I was out of the hospital, finally! I couldn't stand staying in that room surrounded by that smell one more second.

Everyone was there the day i got out, everyone except dad. I begged mom not to tell him, i didn't need his disappointment anymore than the pitiful looks everyone was giving me, they were all treating me like a china doll, afraid i'll break with the slightest touch.

I hated it!

But i didn't say anything, i had no right, they had a right to worry now, i don't think we'll ever get past or forget this, the time when Addison tried to kill herself. Maybe in the far future we'll all be able to laugh about it.

huh! doubtful.

Dean was there too, but not in the way i needed him to be, he was off, closed off, different. since i woke up i've been waiting for the moment he would pull me in his arm or kiss me. None of that happened. 

Everything was different about me now, i needed his touch, i craved it like no one's business. I don't know how i can hold myself before i'll jump him.

It's been a week since i got out of the hospital and nothing has changed, he still hasn't kissed me. Maybe i finally pushed him away, maybe he finally realized how much trouble i was and he decided he was better off without me.

The thought is depressing, when i finally fell for a guy again, he walked away, this time voluntarily.

I now know that i'm over Chris, he still claims a big spot of my heart, but the thought of him doesn't hurt anymore, i didn't need therapy because i did move on when i fell for Dean, but i didn't have the heart to tell mom that, and i knew she wouldn't believe it anyway, so i went to a therapist two times a week and attended the group sessions every Saturday just to make everyone who cares about me happy. 

"Where are you going?" Em asked when i emerged from my room to find her sitting on the couch in the living room next to Logan

That's how it was now, the questions never stopped. Where are you going? what are you thinking? what are you doing? 

I was never left alone, except for when i was in class, they were all afraid of a repeat of that night.

I returned to school again, after getting out of the hospital i stayed a whole week in the apartment, but never alone, doctor's orders.

I just started classes again today and it felt good to finally get back to something normal, to escape the closed doors of the apartment and the constant worried glances of my friends.

"I have dance class" i answered Em's question, walking toward the door and pretending not to notice the look they exchanged 

"Alone?"she asked

I gave her a leveled stare "yes alone, it's okay mommy, i know the way "

"I'm not okay with you going alone"Logan said"let me call Dean, he doesn't have class now, he'll..."

"No" i cut him off and he frowned "i''l be fine, i promise, please stop treating me like a little girl"

He stood from the couch and walked toward me then pulled me toward his chest" I'm sorry, sweetheart. I'm just looking out for you" he pulled back and frowned at me" why don't you want Dean to come over though?"

Because i don't want to burden him with my shit since he doesn't seem to have feelings for me anymore. From the bunch of them i know he's the one worried the most, that's why he feels it's his job to guard me all time and to make sure i don't hurt myself, he's taking care of me out of the goodness of his heart and not because he still loves me, i just can feel it in the way he never touches me, he doesn't crave my touch like i do his.  And i can't stand being next to the guy i love without being able to touch him or feel his touch.