Bleeding hearts

Chapter twenty seven

Dean's Pov 

I was more aware of my cracking headache than the layer of dehydrated saliva that coated my cracked lips. Once on my feet the room swayed almost causing me to loose balance and i reached out for the wall. my hand slipped along the high sheen paint and i sprawled onto the carpet with a crashing thump. The room swirled before becoming stationary again and i used the bedstead to pull myself to standing. 

This is what happens when you don't stop drinking night after night

I unsteadily stagger to the bathroom, The hangover feels like a balloon under my cranium, slowly being inflated, pressure mounting. I splash cold water on my face just to feel something refreshing and instantly wish I could wash my brain free of the toxins too.  my phone pinged with message after message, it kept doing that for the last days, none of the messages  from Addison though; hers was a special ring.

I walked back to the guest room in Em's old apartment which became my sanctuary for the past four days, or was it five? i lost count.

I picked up the phone as it rang showing Logan's name

"Hello?" my voice comes out scratchy and unrecognizable

"Dean? what the fuck man? i've been calling nonstop. Where the hell are you?" Logan roars in my ear making me wince

"Can you just say why the hell you're calling, i have some shit to get back to "i eyed the beer bottle sitting on the night stand

"i'm calling to check if you were dead because you've been missing for a week, Em's gonna lose her mind with worry"

I ran a hand down my face "i'm fine, just had to take some days off "

"and not tell your friends and sister ? We've been worried sick. Not to mention all the shit that happened with Addison_"

I sat up straight " what shit? what are you talking about?"

I was met with silence on the other end. I stood up ignoring the dizziness that hit me"Logan, if you don't talk right now i swear to God_"

"She had an accident " he says

"what?" 

I say the word but my lips make no sound. I'm numb, somehow. Blinking and seeing nothing. 

"that night of the party, she was drunk and she fell when she was getting down the stairs"i stop breathing 

"No"

I exhale the word, exhale the impossibility. Yet my mind can't stop from conjuring what he's describing in full details.

"it was really bad, Dean. We found her unconscious on the floor with blood everywhere"   

"No" i gasp, "no, no,no_"

It's all my fault, it's all my goddamn fault and i hate myself for it, i despise myself right now.

"Where's she?"I find myself asking 

Logan sighs "Dean_"

"WHERE THE FUCK IS SHE?"

"she's gone" he snaps "do you have any idea what today is? it's the day of the winter show, the show she's been waiting and practicing for for months and she can't participate because she broke her leg"

I fall back to the bed, my legs too weak to hold me 

"she went back home without saying anything about coming back_"

I stand up and throw the phone at the wall with a roar, but that's not enough. I turn to the desk and flip it over and throw the chair at the wall then i fall on my knees to the floor, my body giving up on me. I sob, i sob for what my beautiful girl has been through, i sob for what i've put her through. If only i didn't lie that night, if only i told her how much i loved her, nothing of this would've happened. It's fucking stupid how i thought by staying away i'll be protecting her, it just caused more damage, i regret every word i never said that night.