Esperance || Paul Lahote

.xxxv.

"there is a song hidden in your quiet mouth somewhere"
w o r d c o u n t : 1,141

Ezra fought his exhaustion as he sat on his bed, waiting for Ilan to get back from the stables that she insisted on visiting every night she wasn't working. She felt bad for leaving them behind while she got her training week.

It was times like those when Ezra felt himself slipping.  Every spare second he couldn't help himself.  He went through his memories thread by thread and attempted to decide what he would have done differently.  What he could have done if he paid more attention, if he investigated a bit harder.

When Ilan shuffled through the door, freshly showered and her hair soaking wet, she seemed shocked to see Ezra still up but pleasantly surprised none the less. "Hi, Ezra." She beamed as she toweled off her hair. "Hello, Pads." She greeted the cat with a scratch to the head. "May I talk to you?"

"I actually wanted to talk to you. But yeah, you go first." Ezra couldn't help his excitement.

"Oh! Well, you could go first." Ilan offered.

Ezra let a harsh breath escape his lips. "No, Ilan, you go ahead." He encouraged kindly.

"While I was wondering if you could give me some pointers. Your technique is amazing and you have so much control it's astounding." Ilan gushed and Ezra could feel genuine joy and interest budding him for the first time since Niki had died.

All his research, it was just work, harsh and stressful work that took so much out of him. His guilt and love for the dead girl were all that drove him to the ultimate end, finding Aloysius and making him and his entire coven pay for what they did.

But teaching these classes was fun and interesting and to see Ilan be so in tune with her magic made him ache to understand how she did it.

"Really?" He echoed in surprise. "I was going to ask you how you use your magic like that." Suddenly he paused. "This weekend, Saturday, you and I can take the training room and on Sunday you can help me break into some sealed adoption records." Ezra offered.

"You really want my help?" She asked in shock. "I-I'd love to. Absolutely." Suddenly she paused. "Why do we need to break into sealed adoption records?"

"That's an explanation for later. For now, we should get to bed, it's getting late." Ezra insisted, slipping his legs under the comforter.

For the first night in months, Ezra slept through the night. The nightmares that plagued him seemed to give him a break, hitting only minorly near the end of his sleep schedule and getting him up at six in the morning.

And as the week passed, Ezra found himself enjoying teaching more and more, just seeing their powers flourish with time made him feel like he was truly doing something.

"Pierce!" Ezra turned away from his group to see a short muscular woman stalking toward him. "Diarmuid is calling a meeting. Urgent matters, won't be over till lunch." The woman declared shoving her long curtain of chestnut hair over her shoulder. She seemed vaguely familiar till Ezra realized where he recognized her from. The lineup. This was Himela, the physical combat teacher. "Himela Montgomery. I don't believe we've truly met."

"Ezra Pierce," He shook her calloused hand. "It's nice to meet you."

"Likewise. Diarmuid said he wanted to talk to you in his office." Ezra glanced to Asaiah who nodded, giving him the okay to leave. Himela followed him out and as soon as the door closed she spoke. "I see Asaiah has a thing for you already. He falls fast so if he gets too creepy tell him off or let me know and I'll take care of it. Unless you want to date him or whatever. He's not too bad of a guy although personally, I think you could do better."

"Oh!" Ezra's cheeks flushed. "I uh, I have a boyfriend."

At this Himela cocked a brow. "One you haven't seen in three months?"

Ezra shifted uncomfortably. "It's a little complicated."

At this, Himela chuckled. "You're telling me. I'm still fucking my ex, his brother, and his mom."

Ezra couldn't help but laugh.  "Mine's not quite the same type of complicated.  I lied to him about the death of our best friend and he called me an outsider and a leech so I called him an egotistical bastard and I left."

Himela whistled lowly.  "You're right, that is complicated.  Did you two break up?"

"Not technically."  Ezra felt his stomach sink.  "But I have no doubt he's drowning his sorrows in sex and booze.  He wasn't exactly innocent before we got together."  Ezra swallowed thickly.  He had done his best to focus on other things but even the mere mention crippled him emotionally.  He didn't want Paul to be with anyone else unless Ezra was dead.  But truly, if it meant Paul was happier without him he'd suffer in silence but the thought was agonizing.

They reached Diarmuid's office and came to a slow stop.

"You should find a rebound.  Who says he gets to have all the fun?"  She made a zipping motion across her purple painted lips.  "Have fun with the boss man."

She stalked back down the hallway and Ezra stepped into the office.  "Hui Yin's going to start getting jealous if we keep spending so much time together."  Diarmuid chuckled.  "Have a seat."

The lights in the office were off and Diarmuid was shifting through braille papers.  Ezra didn't have the guts to mention it as the man talked.

"Have you thought anything about the ceremony?  The longer you wait the worse it'll be."  Diarmuid pointed out solemnly.  "We have all the resources for it whenever you'd like."

Ezra knew he was right.  At one point he'd have to choose to pause his aging process and sooner rather than later would be ideal.

The thought of Paul stopped him.  He had never discussed it with the man and he had no idea if Paul wanted to live a thousand years with him.  Ezra knew it'd be possible.  As long as he continued shifting, he'd age with his imprint.  But if he wanted to stop he could.  Ezra would age with him and then he'd figure a way to turn back and live nine hundred more years as young as he could.

Then he stopped.  Why was he always relying on what Paul wanted?  It was always Paul's choice. Why did he have to wait for Paul?

But those thoughts even made him feel incredibly guilty.  If he asked he knew Paul would leap through hoops to please him even if it was torture to himself.

"I'm ready whenever you are."