Choose Me (Grayson Dolan)

05. Lost

„What?!" Amber's jaw dropped just like everyone else's. No one really saw this one coming, at least not tonight.

„You heard me. Leave, or I'll have you escorted out. Your choice." Grayson spoke, his voice low and deep, almost like a growl. I wonder what happened for him to do this.

„You want me to leave, but this bitch and her boy toy can stay? Are you out of your mind?!" She screeched and I rolled my eyes at her insult.

„Never call her that again! Ethan, call the security!" Grayson ordered and I put a hand over my mouth to cover up a smile I just couldn't hold back.

„Ugh! You're nothing without me DOLAN! DO YOU HEAR ME?! NOTHING!" She screamed out as security dragged her out of the party. Everything turned silent, the crowd waiting to see what's going to happen next like it was a movie. I actually saw one of them eating popcorn!

„Start the music again. I'd like to dance this off." I smiled, avoiding eye contact with Grayson at all costs. Sure enough, the music started blaring again and I grabbed onto Harry's hand to get him to dance, but Grayson had a different idea.

„You're welcome to stay, but not him." He whispered in my ear and I backed off so quickly I almost fell back on the floor. I hated the chills I got from his voice and proximity alone, but the words coming out of his mouth had me seething with anger.

„If he's not welcome, I'm not either." I waved goodbye to Ethan and practically ran out of the house, dragging Harry with me. This reminded me of the day I parted ways with Grayson the last time and the effect it had on me was overpowering my better judgement.

„Harry...Please get the car." My voice was shaky and I hated how weak I felt. Harry gave me a kiss on the forehead and I thanked God or whoever sent him to me. He was so understanding and patient with me and my drama tonight, beyond anything I ever hoped for. I liked him back when I was only sixteen, and that crush never really went away. There was nothing I could have asked from him to do that he already didn't.

„Hanna." I knew that voice all too well. Grayson. I turned to him, annoyed and angry for the way he behaved...not just tonight, but for the past four months. I had a lot of pent up anger and the worst thing he could do right now was make the fire inside of me burn brightly.

„What?" I crossed my arms over my chest and waited for his response.

„Stay." Grayson took a step forward and my eyes fell to the floor.

„Why?" I questioned and heard him take a few more steps closer to me.

„Are you two together?" He asked and my heart skipped a beat. I didn't know whether to admit dating Harry, after all we weren't official. However, the underlying desperation in his voice signalled he was vulnerable and the anger inside of me twisted and turned around the knife he stabbed in my heart. I felt the pain hit me again, crashing like a tidal wave and it made me want to hurt him right back. I wanted him to feel my pain, to feel the suffering I endured.

„Yes." I looked at him and the way his eyes closed and the defeated sigh that left his lips made my heart ache. Stupid girl, don't you know? If you hurt the one you love more than yourself, the pain will hit you right back!

„You shouldn't be with him." Grayson's voice was quiet, barely above a whisper, yet stern.

„Why is that?" I couldn't help but bitterly chuckle at his statement.

„He's not good enough for you. You deserve better." He locked eyes with me, searching for something, a sign, anything. His eyes are so different in moments like these, more soft than I knew eyes could ever be.

„He's not GOOD ENOUGH?!" I screamed at him. „How dare you? How fucking dare you?" I spit out the words from my mouth like acid.

„You don't get to say who's good enough or what I deserve anymore! It was your choice! You believed a girl you barely knew over ME!" Pointing at him with my index finger, clenching my fists, but even I was surprised at the words that kept flowing from my mouth. I couldn't stop the dam from breaking and all my pain spilled over.

„I couldn't believe you just dropped me like that! I would have done anything for you! Anything!" I choked at the end. I felt my chest and my head hurt, like I was being torn apart.

„I loved you and all you ever did was break my heart." I covered my mouth as a sob escaped me. It was more than crying, it was the kind of desolate sobbing that comes from a person drained of all hope. My breathing was ragged, gasping and it took everything I had not to fall down on my knees. I saw tears well up in his eyes, almost like it hurt him to see me cry, but it didn't soften the sudden blow of all the pain I've kept under wraps for months.

Grayson made his way to me in seconds and put his hands on my face. The heat from his fingers creeps into my consciousness and I wanted to pull away. His touch. I've gone so long without it that I can't even handle it anymore. The feeling was strange, like an invasion, an unwanted intimacy. The urge to pull away was too strong, and I take his hands from my cheeks, taking a step back. Wiping away the tears with the back of my hand, I dared to look back at him. His bottom lip trembles as his arms fall to the sides and I felt the last piece of my heart, that was left somewhere deep inside, make its way to him in the biggest betrayal of all. He had me, whether he knew it or not. There was no escaping that fact, but I couldn't stay.

„I'm sorry." Grayson whispered and I released a shaky breath. „I never knew you felt that way. If I did, I'd.." He began, but I cut him off.

„You'd what, Grayson? What? Loved me back? Don't fool yourself into believing that, because you had every chance. All of this, tonight, is because you couldn't handle seeing me with someone else. It's jealousy, not love." I state and turn as I hear a car approaching. Wrapping my arms around myself I head to the curb, but a warm hand on my arm stops me. In one swift move, Grayson turned me to face him and put his hand on my cheek once more as I shuddered at the sudden contact.

„You don't really mean that, do you? Have I lost my chance? Have I lost you forever?" My parents warned me about all kinds of dangers in the streets, but never the ones with the most beautiful brown eyes and the heart beats. As I looked into his eyes I could feel him searching deep into my soul, grasping for any hope I could give him. He seemed almost desperate.

I tore myself from him and turned away. Biting my lip, I realized I needed to save myself. I walk away with my legs shaking, threatening to give out any moment now, I open the car doors and just before I sit I look back at a trembling Grayson who was about to lose it as well.

„You have lost me forever."