Choose Me (Grayson Dolan)

14. Stay

„Ever think about running away?" Grayson spoke, breaking the silence. We were laid out on the hood of his car, watching the stars. His arm was wrapped around me, his scent bringing me some sense of comfort.

„What do you mean?" I turn to him with confusion laced in my voice.

„I mean, just picking up your entire life and going somewhere no one knows who you are. Finding a small paradise on Earth to settle down and just spend your life in peace." Grayson explained, his eyes set on the stars above us while I stared at his face.

„Sometimes...but never alone. Would you really do that? Leave me behind?" My voice broke and I hated how vulnerable I sounded. This seemed to attract his attention as he turned to me with slightly furrowed eyebrows.

„I'd never leave you behind. I can't be without you." The arm he had wrapped around my shoulders pulled me closer to him and I nuzzled my head in his chest.

„Don't you dare go somewhere I can't follow." My voice was barely above a whisper, but I knew he heard me. His other hand founds it's way to my face, gently tracing my jaw in a soothing way.

„Never." He kissed the top of my head and I smiled.

„Do you ever think about dying? The afterlife and all that?" I questioned and he pulled away slightly to look at me properly.

„Once or twice...why are we talking about this right now? Are you okay? Is your anxiety getting worse? Are you hiding something from me?" Grayson rambled, worried about my morbid question, but I didn't find it that morbid.

„Grayson, breathe." My lips curled upwards and I sat crisscrossed, completely turned to him. I took both his hands in mine and traced his knuckles with my thumbs.

„I'm okay..just wondering." I reassured him and he let out a heavy sigh.

„I did die once...I guess I'm not afraid of dying again. I'm more afraid of not living my life, you know? I have so many things I want to do, like get married, have kids..I want to travel the world, see everything there is to see. I just want to live my life right so when the time comes I'll have no regrets." I watched him bite his lip nervously, as he studied my face like he was looking for some secret reason I might have for starting up a conversation like this.

„I wouldn't say I'm afraid of dying, but I guess I'm more scared of being forgotten." I started and he nodded. „I just want to leave a mark on this world, on people I meet so once I'm gone I'll still be alive in a way. I never thought about the way I'd like to go, but dying in the place of someone I love doesn't seem like a bad way to go." I spoke and Grayson tensed up.

„I don't like this subject." He sucked on his bottom lip and I placed a hand on his cheek.

„It's life Grayson. One way or another, our paths will diverge. Whether we like it or not, death is the only certainty we have in regards of our future." I got on my knees and took his face in my hands. „That doesn't mean we can't enjoy the ride ahead." A small smile on my lips seemed to invoke one on his.

„Don't go somewhere I can't follow." He repeats my earlier statement and my eyes started to water.

„Never." I used his words and rested my forehead on his.

The memory suddenly faded and I was snapped back to reality. I wasn't sure what was happening, the deafening sound of a gunshot still rang inside my head, echoing. I didn't feel anything, no pain, no fear. I was completely emotionless until a switch inside of me flipped and all alarms inside my body were set off. Harry was long gone, but where? I didn't know. My vision was blurred and a little darker, but I realized why.

Grayson stood before me, his back turned to me. I stepped in front of him and he looked at me, his eyes wide and his lips slightly parted in a small smile.

„I thought..." I began, but my eyes fell to Grayson's hands placed on his stomach that seemed to cover up a red river about to tear through the dam.

He fell into my arms, quickly taking us both down to the floor. Ethan's words were suddenly ringing in my mind.

„Then trust me. I can tell you without a doubt in my mind that he would lay down his life for you."

„No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!" I kept repeating over and over as he laid down, his head in my lap. I put my hands over his to stop the blood from seeping through.

„ETHAN!" I screamed out, but it was unnecessary as he already ran to us with a phone in his hand. He seemed to be speechless, shocked at the gory site.

„Grayson, Grayson, just stay awake. It's going to be okay, I promise!" I encouraged him, hoping to keep his attention on me instead of the pain he must be feeling.

„Ethan, call the ambulance get me a first aid kit!" I ordered and he ran to the house shouting back to inform me he already called.

„Grayson, talk to me." My voice broke as his lips curled into a gentle smile.

„You're so beautiful." He spoke slowly, his bloodied hand touching my cheek for a moment before falling beside him.

„Shut up, Dolan!" I faked a chuckle for his benefit, but my mind was in chaos of possibilities and neither pleased me.

„I mean it. The most beautiful girl I've ever met." He coughed a little and my eyes widened when the blood seemed to burst through my hands as the pressure hit.

„Just focus on breathing, okay?" I smiled weakly and his smile grew wider.

„I need to tell you someth-something." Grayson began, his eyes solely focused on me.

„Whatever it is can wait. You'll be just fine, so shut up!" I yelled at him, but he still kept on going.

„I, I love you. So damn much." He said and I couldn't stop the whimper that came from me, a sob raking through my chest as his words resonated in my mind.

„Shut up! You don't get to say that now! You'll tell me everything once we get to the hospital and they patch you up and it will all be okay! OKAY?! ETHAN?!" I cried out as the older brother came rushing with the medical supplies.

„You were right." Grayson spoke as I grabbed some gauze and drenched it in alcohol. I packed his abdomen in it to create enough pressure, counting the number I used so I could tell the paramedics.

„About what?" I questioned and his dopey smile was back on his face as Ethan started openly crying. I could hear sirens in the distance and knowing help was coming felt like a weight was lifted off my chest.

„Dying in the place of someone I love is a good way to go." He spoke and I opened my mouth in shock as Ethan fell to his knees, his hand on Grayson's forehead. Ethan was a mess, but strangely he was more calm than I was.

„Grayson, listen to me!" I shook him a little as he started to close his eyes. „Grayson, don't go somewhere I can't follow!" I yelled as his smile seemed to fade, his eyes closing completely. I shook his shoulder with one hand, keeping the other one steady over his stomach.

„Grayson, wake up." I spoke quietly.

„Grayson, wake up!" I shouted as Ethan jumped up, turning his back at us unable to watch what was happening, holding his head in his hands. The sirens were so deafening, the lights flashing evident around me, but all I saw was Grayson and he wasn't looking back at me. Panic rushed through my body as I cried out like a wounded animal. I felt hands picking me up, dragging me away from his body while I fought back with all my might trying to stay with him. He needed me. He needed me. I needed him. The people around were a blur, the sounds around me muffled. The only sound I could hear was of my heart breaking as sheer terror took over watching the paramedic start chest compressions which meant he was gone. I think I screamed, but I can't tell for sure, the only thing running through my mind and coming out of my mouth:

„GRAYSON WAKE UP!"