Choose Me (Grayson Dolan)

15. I choose you

I sat there, in the waiting room, completely unmoving, barely blinking. My back was straight, my legs neatly and firmly set on the ground before me, my bloody hands on my knees and my eyes on the cold hospital tiles. After Ethan pulled me away from the paramedics, they took Grayson here. I don't know what's happening, if he's alive or dead. If he were dead, I'd know, right? I'd feel it, right? Maybe that's this empty feeling I have in my guts. It feels like the world has lost its colors and everything was in black and white. I could tell people were staring at me, the girl covered in blood seemingly frozen in her shocked state, but I wasn't. I wasn't frozen, I was just too tired. I couldn't move, all my energy was put into breathing and keeping my heart beating until I heard of Grayson's condition.

„Talk to me. It's eerie when you don't talk." Ethan's voice called for my attention, but I didn't turn. How could I? I got his brother killed? I did this.

„I didn't say it back." My voice was barely above a whisper.

„Didn't say what?" Ethan got down on his knees before me, placing his hands over mine.

„He said he loved me..I never said it back. He'll never know I love him." There was nothing in my voice. No pain, no emotion, just emptiness.

„Come on." Ethan pulled me up, but my knees buckled as soon as I stood up. He grabbed me just in time and guided me to the closest bathroom. He stood behind me, so I leaned into his chest completely as he held me up. He took both my hands and placed them in the sink, letting the water run over them, washing away the blood with a little help from him.

„Thank you." I said quietly as he wiped away Grayson's bloody fingerprints off my face. When he was finished, he wrapped his arms around me, leaning his chin on my shoulder. I watched our reflection in the mirror with fondness. Ethan left a butterfly kiss on my neck making me shudder and I smiled for the first time since the shooting.

„I made you smile." He mumbled into my neck and I nodded, placing my hands over his arms.

„You and Grayson have a special ability when it comes to me and smiling." I muttered, turning to him. Our faces were so close, almost too close. I could feel his breath on my cheek, his lips were only inches away.

„You know, I had a dream once." I said.

„Hm?" He looked up from my lips to my eyes.

„Grayson died. You and I lost it for a while. You dyed your hair blue...like Marge Simpson blue." He chuckled and I continued. „You had piercings on your eyebrows and your nose. A neck tattoo! I left..after a little while every time I'd look at you I would only see him. You two never looked much alike to me until then and it hurt me to be around you. But I couldn't stay away. We helped each other move on. You said you tried to change your looks so that you wouldn't see him every time you looked in the mirror. You felt like he was haunting you." I turned my head back to the mirror and watched him. He really did have Grayson's features. I could pinpoint everything they had in common, but I never saw it before.

„After a while, we got together. Shocking, I know! We were suddenly on a beach, older and you were holding me just like you are now. We were happy and laughing, enjoying laughter around us as well. Then came these two kids, a boy and a girl, about the same age. They called us mommy and daddy. You called her Bailey and him Grayson. In that moment I looked back at the ocean and I swear I saw him looking at us from a distance, a smile on his face. He never left us." I finished and turned to Ethan. I had my hands on his shoulders, his hands were still on my hips. We were intimately close, I was aware of that. If Grayson died, could I ever truly do this? Be with Ethan? It would be rather easy to fall in love with this man. I knew it would, but I'd always see Grayson in him and that wouldn't be fair to Ethan.