my diary

22/08/2018

hy diary aka anyone who would read this

welp

im being ignored, by alot of people,which gives my mind alot of time too make myself feel worthless

camp gave me depression back..i had it already,but barely,it never did anything bad,but now im back too cutting, i know if nothing all too bad happens,that i will get out of this..almost 24/7 sad mood soon,but momentarily thats not gonna happen

ive also noticed how fucking fat i am..im ashamed of my body..im so disgusting that somethimes im scared too even look in a miror , i dont post pics of myself of my face on instagram,only if im hiding my face as much as i can,bc i dont want too blind people with my uglyness,

i wish i had my friend Jay too help me,like old times,but i havent heard of him in a long time,cant blame himtho,hes probably living a happy life

my best friend? betayed me,but i still act like nothing ever happend and id still take a bullet for her because hey, i dont mind dying

my mum? shes too sweet and pure,plus shehas already enough stress with her business and having too raise her 2 teens (what is no problem for her) but now also 3 lil kids (4,7&10) in the house too raise,is hard for her

so i have noone too go too,bc my other best friend is ignoring me and he also hates talking about that

plus,tonight ..I mean..2morrow morning at 3:30 we leave too the airports,where going too cyprus,and im not very..excited..

id rather stay locked up in my room but,i dont have a say..well..my dad would love too have me stay at his...but rather no thank you

so nyeh :/

i hate when im at night in my room at his,hearing him shout at my stepmum,its scaring me,

also,its dark in my room and i have nothing too do,so my mind uses that as the perfect timing too tell me how worthless i am and that its no wonder everyone ignores me and that the world would be better without me,that i should do everyone a pleasure and should kms,which isnt a bad idea,but i dont want too make my mum sad and the people i care about

anyways,i gtg

have a nice day and thanks for being there for me too listen/read

BAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII

❤ ❤ ❤ 😘 much love ,

Ellen