Kiss Me [COMPLETED]

Part III, chapter 1

January - March, 2005

- I -

Stephanie

January 24, 2005

I slowly walked to school on Monday morning and felt empty somehow, now that Danny had to leave. Trisha was trying to talk to me all day yesterday, but I knew exactly what she wanted to talk about, and I told her that I was sick. I felt a little guilty, but I just couldn't stand another one of her interrogations about Danny and Tyler. I was surprised that now I could actually talk about Tyler without feeling sharp pain in my heart every time I would hear his name. It hurt me so much since that day in January – I think it was the fifth – when he told me to get the hell out of his life, out of Laurie's life, and, as he put it nicely, "I would be happy if you just moved to Mars or Venus or even freaking Jupiter...Just get out of my sight, Palmer! It's over, okay? It was fun while it lasted, but adios amigo!" And then he just left me alone in the girls' locker room where I stayed almost until dawn of the next morning. I didn't cry, I couldn't cry. I felt completely dead. And suddenly, that was the key word – 'Dead,' and revelation hit me with a big frying pan. Everything became so clear that I almost laughed with relief. So I went back home and rummaged through my mother's medicine cabinet, where I knew she kept her treasures. I got a nice stack of Ambien, Valium, and even some OxyContin. Mom's being naughty, I almost smiled, but it felt as if my face was frozen and I couldn't smile or cry or do anything else, for that matter.

So I stacked up on pills, put on my coat, and just started walking. I didn't even care where. Finally, I saw a nice little bench in the middle of a small park, and it was perfect. I swallowed almost all my pills when Danny called me. I was so happy to hear his voice that I almost told him what I just did, but at the last moment, I decided not to say anything. When I hung up the phone, the tears finally came. I was sobbing on that bench, shoving the rest of the pills down my throat... Pills kicked in almost immediately, and I remembered that I hadn't had any food for almost twenty-four hours. I was so dizzy and sleepy that I couldn't even move. I wrapped my coat around myself, but somehow, the cold didn't bother me at all. I was almost completely asleep, when a sharp, painful stab of regret pierced my heart. "I'll never see Danny again!" I thought, and it almost woke me up. "I didn't even say good-bye to him!" I tried to open my cell phone, but my fingers wouldn't cooperate, and finally, I dropped my phone into the snow, and simply slid into nothingness. My last thoughts were of Danny.

I woke up because someone has been slapping my face really hard. I tried opening my eyes, and when I saw Danny, I was so happy that I almost couldn't talk. He tried to make me purge, but somehow, it felt really humiliating, so I kept saying no... So Danny did it for me.

I closed my eyes, feelings for Danny so strong right now, that I couldn't breathe. My head was spinning again, all those memories making me dizzy.

"You okay, Stephanie?" Someone asked me very carefully.

I turned around, and then just froze.

"What's wrong?" His voice was so concerned that I almost screamed at him to get the hell away from me.

"What do you want?" I asked his tightly, and he just impatiently shook his luminous head.

"I talked to Trisha yesterday and she said that you were sick."

"I am sick, Tyler," I said and walked around him. "Leave me alone."

"Stephanie, I am sorry," he said suddenly, and I froze again. "I know what I said, and how awful it sounded..." he continued. "...but I just had to do it... For Laurie... She said she would kill herself if I..."

I looked at him and felt so angry that my hands started to shake.

"Tyler, go away," I said, and he just shook his head.

"No, Stephanie... I can't..." he stopped and took a deep breath. "I can't stop thinking about you..."

I couldn't believe this. Just when I thought that he was finally out of my system, just when I could finally breathe again...

"Why are you doing this?" I asked quietly, and he just looked at me, his eyes filled with pain.

I sighed, feeling so confused that my head started to throb.

"Stephanie," he said softly. "If you want me to go away, just say so. I'll go. I understand... After all the things I said... Look, when I left you that day, I... Stephanie, it was the hardest thing I've ever done in my life... But she said that she would really kill herself, and at first, I didn't believe her, but..." he closed his eyes. "Stephanie, she slit her wrists..." he finished in a whisper, and I couldn't say anything.

I stood there, looking at him, and then I just gave up.

"Tyler..." I said very quietly and he looked at me. "I love you..." I muttered, and he took a quick step towards me.

"I love you too," he breathed, and then somehow, I ended up in his arms, and for several seconds, my mind was screaming at me; screaming to get away from him, screaming Danny's name, but I just closed my eyes and told it to shut up.