Kiss Me [COMPLETED]

Part III, chapter 4

Stephanie

March 13, 2005, 9 PM

I was such a mess, it wasn't even funny. I hated myself, I hated Trisha, I hated Danny, and I hated Tyler. After Danny took away my keys, I planned something murderous, but then I saw myself in the mirror, and for a few seconds, I couldn't breathe. Danny was right, I realized in astonishment. I looked like hell. My face was so bony that I looked like the incarnation of Death. My size zero jeans were loosely hanging off my non-existent hips, and my chest was beyond flat. I don't remember the rest of that night too well. I remember how I pulled all the pills that Tyler was giving me very generously the last couple of weeks out of my drawer, and I threw them into the toilet. Then, I think I took a very long hot shower, and I was crying so hard that my eyes were burning. I called Tyler's cell phone and left him a message saying that I never wanted to see him again, and I kept my promise for almost three weeks. I was trying to figure out how to get Danny back, because I missed him like crazy, and he was completely ignoring me. He wouldn't look at me, talk to me, or answer his phone.

Tyler kept calling me every day, but I wouldn't even answer the phone, and I went to great lengths to avoid him at school. Then, around March ninth, he showed up at my doorstep, and said that he would not leave until I talked to him. At first, I didn't want to even look at him, but then he fell on his knees and said that he couldn't live without me, so I let him in. We talked for hours. I told him that I was tired of being his call girl; and he said that I was the one for him, and that he would dump Laurie by the end of the month. I didn't want to believe him, but I did. He made love to me that night, and it was so great that I felt almost whole again.

Today started great. Tyler came over the first thing in the morning and wished me happy birthday in his very special way that left me breathless. He spent almost all day with me, but then he had to leave around six.

"I'll be back around nine, okay?" he said and kissed me lightly on the lips.

"Okay," I smiled and closed the door.

My parents were gone, as usual, and Eric was sleeping over at his friend's house. I enjoyed my new self. I cleaned the house a little, folded all my laundry, and even cooked a light dinner, thinking that Tyler might be hungry when he came back. When it was almost 9:30, I went outside and lit a cigarette – a bad habit that I was unable to quit. I sat on my front porch and waited for Tyler's Thunderbird to show up any minute.

March 14, 2005, 2:10 AM

I woke up because I was really cold. I blinked in confusion and realized that I fell asleep on my front porch. I got up and quickly went back inside the house, where I hurriedly pulled on a sweater. I glanced at the clock and couldn't believe that it was after two in the morning. I found my cell phone and frowned when I didn't have any missed calls. I couldn't understand why Tyler wasn't here and why he didn't call me. Suddenly, my imagination flashed a horrible scene at me – his Thunderbird wrecked on some highway, he is trapped inside, all bloody and unconscious. I shuddered and quickly texted him. My message said, "Where are you? Call me!"

I waited for half an hour and texted him again, this time, saying, "I am worried! Call me!!!" Almost forty minutes later, at 3:30 in the morning, I dialed his number. It rang almost five times, and I thought that I would just hear his voicemail message, when a sleepy voice suddenly muttered, "Hello...?"

I froze. I slowly shut my phone and just stared at it. It was Laurie's voice.

March 14, 2005, 11 AM

"Hey, Tyler? It's Stephanie. I need to talk to you. Yes... No, it can't wait... I am..." I looked around and smiled. "I am on the roof of the main building," I said calmly and shut my phone off.

...He showed up fifteen minutes later.

"What are you doing?" he asked me, his eyes wide.

I slowly walked towards the edge of the roof and he winced.

"Stephanie, what are you doing?"

"Where were you last night?" I asked him with a smile.

"My plans changed," he answered shortly. "I was with Laurie."

"I see," I nodded, and carefully looked down. I was never afraid of heights.

"Sorry, I didn't call you or anything," he said quickly. "Laurie and I..." He hesitated. "We had something major to discuss."

"Oh, yeah?" I said politely.

"Yeah," he sat down and pulled a pack of cigarettes out of his pocket. "Steph..." He paused and lit his Marlboro. "There is something I need to tell you... Can you please step away from that edge? You are making me nervous."

I took a step away from the edge. He sighed deeply.

"Steph," he said quietly. "We can't see each other anymore."

I stared at him silently. He puffed on his cigarette. Suddenly, my ears were ringing. I turned away from him and looked down.

"Steph," he said. "Get away from that edge. Come on..."

"No," I said feeling eerily calm. "I will not get away from the edge, Tyler..."

"What, you are going to jump or something?" he snorted, and I looked at him with a serene smile.

"Yes," I said.

"This is unreal," he muttered.

I shrugged and turned away from him. I looked down and thought if I were careful, I shouldn't hit anybody's car. It felt silly to worry about stuff like that just minutes before I was just a splat on the asphalt, but I couldn't help thinking that if I ended up in the windshield of Laurie's Lexus, my parents would have to pay for the damages. I squinted my eyes and carefully calculated the distance once more. If I only take one tiny step off this roof, it should be just fine. Why does the highest building have to be right next to the stupid parking lot?

"If you are going to jump, then just jump already," Tyler said in a tired voice. "If not, then get off the damn roof..."