Alphabet ≫ Jarchie

Bonus One Shots Week #3

Katzenjammer— a hangover

I actually had to censor this one omg

☀︎☁︎☀︎

Jughead didn't have a drinking problem. He had a love problem that he decided to solve by drowning anything with an alcohol content on Friday nights.

Despite his familiarity with this love solution, he never blacked out before.

Until last night.

He woke up with a loud groan, his head throbbing to the beat of "I Need To Vomit," a personal favorite track of Jughead's, that was immediately followed by "This Isn't My Bed," and the hit single "Why Am I Naked? (Feat. Oh Sh*t)"

Jughead squinted his eyes and took a quick look around. King sized bed. Red bedsheets... Were those satin? Big TV. A little past noon. Clothes on the floor, a few of which happened to be his. One condom wrapper... Two condom wrappers... hmm Magnum? Pretty bay window. Smell of food wafting down the hallway. Not the first scene he ever woke up to.

With a huff, Jughead threw himself out of a stranger's bed and tried to get dressed without making too much noise. He didn't care so much about disturbing whoever he slept with, he was more concerned about his pounding headache, sensitive ears, and hazy eyesight.

Once he was dressed, though he was sure he put his boxers on backwards and his skinny jeans seemed to be tighter than he remembered, he stumbled his way out of the room and down the empty hallway. He was greeted with the sound of bacon crackling on a pan and the sharp metallic sound of an egg being whisked against a small bowl.

The man making breakfast turned around at the sound of footsteps and shot the hungover man a timid smile. Most of his hookups left before the morning. He liked it better that way. He hated awkward situations.

Jughead smiled back and eyed him excitedly. "Holy f*cking sh*t you're hot as hell," he groaned, crossing his arms over his chest in awe.

Archie stared at him for a few seconds and smirked. He mumbled a thank you and went back to what he was doing. He was shirtless, having just rolled out of bed a few minutes before his guest. He was only wearing a pair of sweats and he could feel Jughead's eyes lingering over how low they rested on his hips. He tried not to think about it too much though.

"So did we?" Jughead asked suggestively, wiggling his eyebrows. 

"Have sex?" Archie asked in a confused tone.

"Yeah. You don't have an ugly roommate or something? It was you who stuck your d*ck in my ass?" Jughead asked excitedly.

Archie gawked at his bluntness and nodded.

"So you're telling me I had sex with the hottest guy I ever met and I can't even remember it?" Jughead whined. He pulled out a chair at the kitchen table and sat down with a huff.

"Go ahead. Sit down," Archie mumbled under his breath. The man was a good lay, a great lay actually, but he wanted him out of his apartment. He walked over and took the bacon off the stove, then poured the eggs into another pan.

"So sexy stranger," Jughead cleared his throat. "Where'd we meet? How did we get here? Also, do you have aspirin?"

Archie bit his lip and sighed. This guy was dead set on having a conversation and he was too tired, hazy, and nice to kick him out. He waited until his eggs were done, plated them, and then grabbed a bottle of aspirin from the top shelf. He joined the man at the table and slid the bottle to him.