Alphabet ≫ Jarchie

Diatribe II

Dedicated to @winkwonkmadmax

Diatribe— the one where Jughead and Archie hate each other and express that by making out and shoving each other onto multiple surfaces. Also see: Strawberry Shortcake and Emo who get it on.

☀︎☁︎☀︎

"You call that a layup, Merida?" Jughead yelled from his spot on the bleachers. He was sat with his video camera in hand, following the basketball team as they flew up and down the court during practice.

"You call that filming, Violet?" Archie called back as he broke into a run, raising his hand to communicate to his shooting guard.

"You need me to kick him out?" Archie's coach called out, eyeing the broody boy suspiciously.

"Nah it's alright. He's my boyfriend he's just abusive," Archie called out as he received a pass from his teammate and executed a three pointer. "Did you manage to get that on your stupid little tape recorder?" He asked Jughead through ragged breath, retrieving his own rebound.

"Oh sweet Ariel," Jughead drawled, angling his camera to the ground. "You think doing what I'm doing is easy?"

"Easier than playing basketball? Yes I do," Archie laughed. "All you have to do is point a device at something and boom, I could be the president of the film club."

"Alright then let's switch," Jughead said boldly, walking up to his boyfriend and pushing the video camera into his chest. He snatched the basketball out of his hand and rolled his eyes as Archie's teammates stared at him in disbelief. "Get a close up of my entire shot, from the minute the ball leaves my hands and goes into the net."

"If you even make it into the net," Archie laughed, earning a few laughs from his teammates as well.

"I bet I can make the shot you just made," Jughead said smoothly as he walked up to the three point line. "If I make the shot and you film it wrong, you have to do that thing I like," he said wickedly, not caring much about decency in front of the basketball team.

"And when you miss and I film your fail correctly, you have to do that thing I like," Archie added, not skipping a beat. He didn't really care much about other people hearing their conversation either.

"Just to clarify," Reggie cleared his throat, one of the better players on the team. "What are these things that you like exactly?"

"None of your business," the couple said at the same time.

Jughead started to dribble the ball and signaled for Archie to start recording. Archie clumsily searched for the record button and held it up to the ball, zooming in. "Ready when you are," Archie mumbled.

Jughead took a deep breath, set up his shot, and released it with a hopeful expression. The ball went in with a satisfying swoosh before Archie could even locate it on the video screen. His team began shouting and congratulating Jughead as Archie sighed in defeat.

Jughead: One — Archie: Zero

***

"Morning Marshall Lee," Archie grunted as he arrived at his locker Monday morning. Jughead was already leant up against it, earbuds in with a cherry lollipop in his mouth. He was always eating sugar that early in the morning. "Somebody looks decent today, who are we trying to impress?" Archie asked as he nudged him aside to get to his locker.