As You Can See|tk

10| it felt strange to cry

Jungkook—

It felt strange to cry. After years of bottling up my feelings and storing them away in a forgotten closet, crying was foreign to me. The feeling of overwhelming sadness washing out of my body, after every painful sob. The feeling of a weight lifting off of my chest. The feeling of warm arms wrapped around me, as if they were tailored just for my body. It was all so new to me. But, I didn't despise it. It felt nice to be held, and not the other way around.

Taehyung hadn't spoken a word, ever since I began to shed tears, which was something I appreciated. He only ran a gentle hand through my hair, as I clutched on tighter to his expensive shirt. It was unlike the elder to be so kind to me. Perhaps he pitied me, or maybe he secretly felt superior to me. Or maybe he had always been a nice guy, and I was just the only one who didn't see it. Perhaps I was too blind sighted with my own problems and my own twisted view on society, I failed to see who Kim Taehyung really was. The irony in the thought made me feel even worse. For someone with sight, I'm probably more disabled than the elder could ever be.

Finally, I managed to put a lid on my waterworks, and pulled away from Taehyung. "Thanks," I mumbled, moving to slip out of the latter's embrace. He surprised me, by tightening his grip, and gently positioned me, so that my back was resting against the wall, and his hand was wrapped around my shoulder. I turned my head, to look at him, marveling at the sight before me. Kim Taehyung really is an angel sent to Earth.

"Are you comfortable enough to share?" The elder asked, voice low and soft. I sighed, not sure if I really want to expose so much of myself, like this. "You swear you won't tell anyone?" I asked. Taehyung nodded, and raised his pinky finger up, between us. "I pinky promise," the aforementioned smiled slightly. I glanced down at Taehyung's outstretched finger before accepting the childish contract.

I exhaled through my nose, and stared out into the distance, without really seeing. "My father has been abusing my mother for the past few years," I began, slowly. I heard Taehyung intake a sharp breath, but didn't turn my head to face him. I didn't want to see what kind of expression he had on his flawless face. "Apparently my mother was taking it all for me," I continued, heavily. "I let my father, finally, get his wish, and hurt me instead. It's the least I can do for my mother. After everything she's done for me, I can't just stand back and let all of this continue...I just...I just wished this wasn't the kind of life I had to live, though."

Taehyung was silent for a long moment, making me wonder if he was judging my family, and wondering what kind of person I really was. I cringed at the negative thoughts crowding around in my brain. Was it a mistake to trust Taehyung? Finally, the silver-haired boy tapped my shoulder, lightly. I turned my head to face him, not knowing what to expect. "Is that why you were limping and left lunch early?" He asked, voice still soft and gentle. I found myself melting at the sound of his voice, and uttered out a small "yea." A huge pout overtook Taehyung's face, as he slid his arms around me again, and pressed his face, gently, to my chest.

"No one should be dealing with something like that," the elder sniffled. Startled, I lowered my head, to discover that he was crying. Shocked, I gently stroked Taehyung's back with one hand, and wiped his tears with the other. "Hey, sh, sh. It's okay, don't cry," I murmured, catching a stray tear with my index finger. "I'm s-sorry...it's just...I treated you like shit, and you've been going through that." A small smile tugged at my lips, as I sighed. "You dummy. I was the one who started everything, in the first place." The silver-haired male sniffed, "you were aware?"

I chuckled, lightly, "of course I was aware. I was the asshole who wasn't looking at where he was going, and ran into you. I mean, in my defense, I didn't know you were blind at the time, but I should've just apologized anyway." Exhaling deeply, I leaned my cheek on top of Taehyung's soft hair. "It's just...I need to keep my social status high. If I don't do that, I feel like I'll get bullied or picked on, and that's the last thing I need at the moment." The elder fumbled around for a bit, till he managed to take a hold of my hand. "What made you obsessed with being popular?" He asked, softly, finally managing to stop crying.

Pursing my lips, I decided that since the elder already knew so much about me, I might as well tell him this. Taehyung didn't seem like the type to betray someone easily. Well...I hope I'm right on that judgement.

"I'm...well, back in middle school, there was a rumor about me being gay," I started. I felt Taehyung tense against me, probably knowing where this was going. "Yeah," I sighed. "I got bullied, and was called a faggot. I would come home with bruises everyday, and my parents didn't seem like they even gave a shit about me. Later, I found out that my mother was getting abused by my father, and I had no idea what to do, since my father has a ton of connections, and I'll never be able to land him in jail."

Talking suddenly hurt. Like, it physically hurt me to speak. I swallowed the large lump in my throat, before continuing. "So...I...transferred to a different school, after my father heard about the rumor. He didn't want people thinking that he had a fag as a son. For my last year of middle school, I started climbing the social ladder. At first I would participate in school activities that the popular kids would attend. Then, I started playing sports, and when I went to high school, I started working out. I didn't want to feel weak again. I hung out with the popular kids, and dated sluts. I went to parties, and did things that I should be ashamed about. But..."

I knew that Taehyung shifted his head, because I felt his hair tickling my chin, as he moved. "But what, Kookie?" He asked, gently. "But, it felt good," I whispered. "I felt powerful. I felt like a fucking king. Even if it's just high school popularity, it still made me feel special." It's funny how the stupidest thing made me feel that way. Everyone knows that being popular doesn't matter later, but it still made me happy. It was my safe haven from everything wrong in my life.

There was a pause where the elder didn't say anything, causing me to worry if he was judging me, or worse, going to tell someone. I sighed through my nose, and stared out into the busy city streets. If he told anybody, I'll just deny it. No one's going to believe the blind boy, over the Jeon Jungkook. A hand on my cheek, surprised me out of my disgusting thoughts, making me tilt my head, to look down at the elder. "I'm sorry that I ever judged you in the first place," Taehyung whispered. "I had no right. I didn't even know you."

I felt my heart beating fast against my chest. There was just something about him that made me go soft. Fondness, maybe?

Sighing, lightly, I tightened my embrace around the smaller boy. "My first impression probably wasn't the best, anyway. Just hug me for a bit, okay?" I murmured, into the elder's hair. He nodded against my collarbones, making me melt at how cute that one action was.

Maybe...

I'm falling for Kim Taehyung.

And I'm scared of what might happen in the future, if I continue to let these emotions grow.

—

UGHHHHHH, IDOL ft. Nicki was sooooo goooood. Like...ughhhh.

-Author-nim