Pink {H.S.}

Chapter Ten

I sat in my car, flicking the key off as I rested my head against the steering wheel, one thought going through my head, I fucked up. I let the best thing in my life slip away, because why? Because I was scared?

         Delilah was nice, she was kind. She wouldn't have pressured me into it if I had just told her. God, if only I had explained. But it was too late now. There was no going back to her, I knew that for sure. What girl would want to get back with the guy who had freaked out and ran away? None in their right minds.

        I let out a groan of frustration, hitting my head against the steering wheel. The horn honked loudly, startling myself as well as the neighborhood cat, who had been sitting in the driveway. It ran off into the bushes, making me wish that I could do the same; that I could disappear and not have to ever come back here.

        I looked up slowly, finally realizing that I needed to get out of the car. Sitting in the car wouldn't make Delilah come back to me. Wouldn't make me feel any less terrible about how I had reacted. It would just give me more time to think about it. At least if I was inside, I'd be preoccupied with Jase.

I opened the door and unbuckled my seatbelt, slowly stepping onto the pavement of my driveway. Rain beat down hard on the pavement, instantly drenching me as I stepped out into the downpour. I made my way into the house, stopping to take off my dripping coat, hanging it by the door along with my keys. I bent over, taking off my wet shoes and putting them by the door. 

I walked slowly into the kitchen, chilled to the bone by the wet clothes still clinging onto me. I flick on the kettle, knowing that my mum would want tea, taking two mugs down from the cabinet afterwards. 

I head up the steps and change into dry clothes, before realizing something that scared me to death; no one had come to greet me at the door. And more than that, the house was dead silent. Jase was hardly ever left with sitters, but when he was, he would always rush to the door as soon as I arrived, grabbing onto my ankles and making me promise to never leave him again. But tonight, there was not a sound to be heard anywhere in the house. 

I run down the stairs and all around the downstairs floor, filled with fear. I check the rooms hastily, before finally coming to the last one, the living room. I slowly edge into it, terrified at what I might find. However the scariest possibility was that I might not find anything. That someone had come into the house while I was out and had taken my mother and son while I was gone.

As soon as I stepped into the living room though, all of my fear was gone, and I realized how silly it was for me to get so worked up. The television was muted and on to what looked like a soap opera, Jase’s small body cradled in my mother’s arms. They must have both fallen asleep during commercials, as I knew my mother always muted during those. No wonder Jase hadn’t come running, he had been asleep.

I smiled as I walked over to her slowly. "Mum" I whispered, shaking her shoulder quietly, so as to wake up just her and not Jase as well.

        "Mmh?" she mumbled, waking up and looking around.

        "Thank you for watching Jase." I say as she stands up, carefully avoiding waking up Jase in the process. “You can stay for tea if you want; I’ve started the kettle already.”

        "It was my pleasure. You have to let me see him more, he's gotten so big." I felt a pang of guilt when she said this, as it was undeniable that she hadn’t seen him much in the past few years. Although to be fair, not many people had since Amanda had passed away. 

        It was like, he was the last reminder I had of her, and I couldn't bear to be away from him. It was stupid, I know. But it made sense to me, at the time. I wanted to keep him all to myself, I didn’t want to let other people see him and potentially hurt him, like Amanda had done to me. I know now that it didn’t make sense, and even then I did to some degree. But everyone must pass eventually, and I didn’t want my baby to have to grieve when his grandmother left us for good. 

 I hated sending him to daycare, and loved it at the same time, because on one hand, it took Jase away from me, but on the other, it brought me closer to Delilah.

Delilah. 

I brought my hands to my face, rubbing it furiously in an attempt to erase the memory of the events that had taken place less than an hour ago. God, how could I have done it like that? Why couldn't I have taken it better? Why couldn’t I stop thinking about this now?

        "Harry?" My mother's voice called out, and I was jolted from my thoughts. "Are you okay?" she was looking at me inquisitively, her hand grasping my bicep firmly. 

        "N-no." I said, realizing all at once what I had to do. 

"Can-can you stay here for a little longer?" I ran out the door without waiting for her answer, grabbing my keys and sliding my shoes on as I go. I was immediately soaked from the rain as soon as I set foot out the door. I opened the car door, climbing in and turning the key. The engine started and I backed out, driving fast-maybe a little too fast- to Delilah's house. I knew what I had to do, and that was go to Delilah. Even if I made myself look like a fool, begging for her to forgive me for pushing her off and running like that. I had to try.

*~*~*~*

A/N: okay, short but that's because there's hopefully a double update today.

Edited: 11/12