Dying hope

Chapter 20: Its A Long Story

Beca her eyes slowly and the first thing she noticed was that her arm was numb. She was also laying down on her living room couch, with a weight on her. She looked down and saw what was causing it, a certain perky redhead was fast asleep on her arm. It was sort of heart melting, Chloe had a content smile on her face as she cuddled into Beca's side. Chloe's beautiful face was on her chest, she doesn't even remember them falling asleep together. I guess she was tuckered out from all the blubbering she did. She hasn't cried that much since...well since her mom died. She can't believe she told Chloe about her tumors and that she sort of loved her. Well she didn't say it out loud but Chloe knows, she literally told her she knew. Then that got Beca thinking, should she even say it at all? I mean, she's just adding more fuel to the flame. They're is a likely possibility that she will in fact die. Her saying she loves Chloe back will not only bring Chloe more heartache when she does dies, but will make it even harder to let go of her. She is without a doubt conflicted to say the very least. There is another downside to not saying it back to Chloe. It's for her own conscious though. Does Beca want to die without telling Chloe that she loves her? That made her frown in discomfort, why does this even have to happen to her?! Why couldn't she grow up to be a normal fucking kid?! I mean sure it's one thing to grow up and see one of your parents become really ill and die! But to also realize that one of your parents passed it on to you because you have their genes, is another level of fucked up. Who says life is thing of beauty? Life is only hardships and misery.
Although she can't believe that to be remotely true, because of who she is holding in her dainty arms. Chloe is the beauty of life, in many ways. To Beca, Chloe is the first time you experience love...she's the person you never want to let go of. Chloe is an emotion that you feel when you don't have anything to hold on too. Great, she really hates having a poetry teacher as a father. Beca looks down at Chloe regretfully, If only she could give Chloe the love she deserves back. "I can feel you staring at me Beca, and honestly? I don't at all mind it." Chloe said playfully and opening her eyes to look up at Beca. Beca smiled slightly and looked at Chloe with mirth in her eyes, "Something tells me you wouldn't mind anything that I do." Chloe smiled widely as she sat up to put her hands on Beca's chest and leaned in closer towards Beca's face.  Beca stopped breathing all together and stared at Chloe's lips longingly. Chloe smiled as she saw Beca staring at her lips in complete lust. "And something tells me, that you are totes right." Chloe was gonna lean in and kiss Beca, she really wanted too. Chloe knew she couldn't right now, she wanted to know all of what Beca was hiding before she even thought of giving in to those delicious lips of hers. She regretfully pulled back slowly and sat up on the couch. Beca was looking at her in a confused daze, "What? What's wrong Chloe? Are you okay?" Beca asked her in concern, sitting up along with Chloe. Chloe sighed and looked back at Beca, "I want to know everything about you Beca and I can't just pretend that everything's fine, when it is clearly not..." Beca bit her lip nervously and nodded, "I completely agree Chlo, but it's not that to easy for me to just open up to someone." Chloe huffed, "I am not just someone to you Beca. I'm the person that loves you..." Chloe said in earnest as she moved to hold Beca's hands on her lap. Beca sighed, there was that love word again. She can't help but feel Chloe is lying to her, in moments like these she really regrets dating Jules. Beca looks up at Chloe and shook her head, "I just can't...you don't understand Chloe,  I did some horrible shit when I was taking drugs. It's not like saying it out loud to you will change any of that." Beca huffed out, trying to pull her hands out of Chloe's. Chloe held onto Beca's hands and squeezed her hands in reassurance, "I know it won't Beca, but I just want you to know that I won't judge you...because I love you." Chloe said smiling at her understandably. Beca looked into Chloe's eyes and something deep down told her that it was okay to let go of everything she's been holding on too. Beca than grimaced because a little voice in her head said that she could be lying to her. I mean, as soon as she met Chloe she saw how kind she was to her. But Beca also saw how Chloe would do anything to be in the popular group of the school. In some ways Chloe was just like Jules, how could she know that Chloe wasn't gonna be another Jules? She sighed out, she couldn't...does she really want to risk another heartbreak? Would she risk everything she's been pushing down for three years, just for Chloe? She looked back into Chloe's bright blue eyes and sighed out in defeat. When could she ever deny Chloe anything?  So she nodded, "It's kind of a long story, you sure want to hear it?" Beca asked her cautiously. Chloe nodded eagerly, "of course I do, there is nothing that you will tell me that will make me fall out of love with you." Beca chuckled nervously, "we'll see, but I guess I'll just start with the beginning. Well when I was thirteen my mom was diagnosed with brain tumors." Chloe gasped quietly and moved to hold Beca in her arms. Beca breathed in a deep breath and smiled slightly at Chloe holding her. "Once she died a year later, my dad and I were wrecked to say the least.  We both took it pretty hard, my mom was his world. He-uh fell into a deep depression and I took care of him for awhile. I got a job, I cleaned the house, I bathed him, and that lasted about a year." Beca said swallowing, tears about to come to her eyes but she held them down. Chloe rubbed her back, as Beca sighed out. "Turns out that my mom actually passed on the gene to me. I was diagnosed with the same type of brain tumors at fifteen, but mine were a bit slow at growing than hers. My dad was basically knocked out of the depression at the news. He started getting up and doing all the things I usually did for us. Then I met Jules...and you know how that went." Chloe nodded and scoffed at her name being said out loud. Beca chuckled, "anyways uh-once that ended, I fell into a depression of my own. I started hanging out with the wrong people and I got into all sorts of drugs to numb the pain I felt. I remember one time that I-I..." Beca started to choke up at the memory and Chloe held her tightly, "You don't have to tell me if you don't want to Becs." Beca shook her head, "No I-I want too, I can't keep these things to myself anymore...I was drunk out of my mind, god knows what else in my system. This girl, she asked me to take her home. I remember it so clearly...she was crying because she didn't want to be there anymore. So I took her home in my car and we crashed shortly after...I was going too fast and she-she flew out the windshield." Beca started to get angry at herself and flew out of Chloe's hold. "I-If I could take everything back Chloe I would, I swear I would! That girl lost her life because of me! Because I couldn't deal with what was happening to me!" Beca said in rage with tears falling down her face. Chloe got up after her and tried to hug Beca, but Beca stepped back like she had been burned. "I don't deserve you Chloe, I don't deserve your love! I'm a horrible fucking person and I deserve to die without someone loving me!" Beca cried out in anguish as she grabbed one of the glass cups on the coffee table and threw it at the wall. Chloe shouted in fear but Beca tried to reach for another glass cup for her to throw at the wall but Chloe ran to grab Beca's hand, "Beca stop!" Beca pushed Chloe off of her back roughly making Chloe fall back on the ground, hitting the back of her head. Beca heard Chloe yelp behind her and turned around. Beca froze in shock for a second but Chloe's groan made her able to move, "Oh god! Chloe, Are you okay?! Baby I'm so sorry!" Beca rushed to Chloe's side and picked her up slowly. Chloe groaned loudly but she nodded nonetheless, "I'm okay Beca..." Chloe suddenly smiled up at Beca, "Did you just call me baby?" Beca blushed in embarrassment, "Yea, is that okay?" Chloe smiled brightly and got up slowly with Beca's help. "It's more than okay Mitchell." Beca turned Chloe around to look at the back of her head, "Are you sure you're okay? You hit the ground pretty hard, I'm so sorry chlo, I-" Chloe turned back around quickly and cut off Beca's rambling to hold Beca's face in her hands. "Beca I'm okay! I promise, it was just a little fall. I don't blame you at all, okay? It was just an accident babe." Beca sighed in relief, "I'm still so sorry, I shouldn't have blown up like that on you. Is there anything I can do to make it up to you?" Beca asked her curiously, grabbing Chloe's hands off her face and holding them tightly. "I can think of a few things." Chloe said, smirking at Beca playfully. Beca chuckled and leaned into Chloe's lips, kissing her gently. Chloe hummed in content, "I love you Beca and I'm sorry that happened, but the only thing you can do now is to forgive yourself." Beca nodded, "I know, but it's not gonna be overnight." Chloe chuckled, "I'll be here for as long as it takes, I promise." Beca loved this woman so fucking much, she still didn't want to say that she loved Chloe out loud. Even though she fucking hates herself that she doesn't want to say it. So instead of saying the three words she desperately wants to tell Chloe out loud, she crashed her lips on Chloe's passionately. Chloe's mouth opened in a moan and Beca took that opportunity to massage Chloe's tongue with hers. Chloe grabbed the back of Beca's shirt tightly, pulling Beca tighter against her. They made out for a couple seconds until a man's voice cleared their throat behind them. "Uh-Beca and Chloe? Could you guys not make out in the living room? Also why is their glass everywhere?!" Beca's dad shouted out in horror at the mess behind them. Beca and Chloe pulled back, jumping in surprise. Beca cheekily smiled at her dad, "Sorry dad, that was all me. I'll clean it up, I promise." Beca's dad just stood there speechless but shook his head, "alright-uh Chloe it's getting pretty late and your mom just texted me to ask if you were coming home soon." Chloe gasped, "Oh god! She's probably worried sick about me. I'll see you tomorrow after school Becs, I promise baby." Chloe said pecking Beca on her lips quickly and hugging Mr. Mitchell, before leaving in a hurry. Beca's dad raised his eyebrows, "Well that explains that then, doesn't it? Now I owe Chloe's mom fifty bucks, why couldn't you guys get together sooner?" Beca's dad said pulling out his phone and texting Momma Beale. Beca gaped, "Wow, why am I not surprised?" Beca said blushing in embarrassment but got up and got the broom to clean up the mess she made.

Author's note: sorry for not updating, I got busy. If there is any mistakes, sorry I was rushing. Leave me some comments on what you guys want the ending to be like.