Stranger

ch21

I was fucking kissing her.

Something in me had snapped. Once back at the mansion when she'd come and call me all those fucking names, then again here when she looked at me.  And before I could give a thought to it, the next thing I knew, I was kissing her. I blame her eyes and I blame Bryan's words that had come forth in those moments. 

He had been right though, no matter how much I wanted to say otherwise. One can act tough and strong and unfazed or hurt and pained and broken, but that all was just an act, while the eyes told a whole other story. But this wasn't the case with Evie. 

Evie's eyes had shone with hurt and pain the way I hadn't seen them until now. She could have faked the words, she could have faked her emotions, but she couldn't fake the look in her damn fucking eyes. The look that pulled the deepest strings of my soul, the parts I didn't know she had reached. 

To say I had screwed up would be the fucking understatement of the century because I hadn't. No, I had done something much worse. I had broken her, or at least a part she had made available for me. I had shattered that part in just a couple of minutes, just by letting my mouth say the words that had first come to mind without actually asking why the fuck was she denying it all.

But, could you really blame me? You could, but then again I had been doomed from the start. I knew that whatever came around me got destroyed at some point and I had wanted to protect Evie from this, but I fucked that up too. Now I had destroyed whatever we had. 

I shouldn't have brought Roger up. That was a fucking mistake. The smart part of me knew this, but the same part knew that by mentioning him I would have gotten the true reaction from her. I knew that by bringing him up I could see first hand her opinion in that exact moment, without  her having thought about it before hand. I also knew that it could potentially ruin our friendship and, like the fucker I was, I decided to take the risk. And I had burned myself into my own fucking flames. 

It hadn't taken that long for her words to convince me that she wasn't the person that my father had made me believe she was. Again, it had been her eyes that had cleared my doubts. 

The clear confusion and surprise in them had been obvious as fuck, but I needed more validation, more proof, just so my coward self could be convinced to the bone that her words were true, opposite my fathers evil lies. 

I had seen her darkest parts, she was right about that. But she didn't know that I had also shown her my darkest parts too. I had told her things I hadn't voiced to anyone. That was the part that hurt most about her betrayal, actually the fabricated betrayal I had believed.

She had worried about me, just like she said she was last week at the mansion. She had kept me in her thoughts while I hid away and figured out ways of getting back at her. All the time I plotted my revenge, she had been here, thinking about me and my wellbeing, driving herself crazy with thoughts that I could be hurt. This was a fucking disaster with huge proportions and it was all my doing.

My mind was scattered with thoughts and questions about the thing I had seen, the picture on the fucking TV from the security camera. 

The girl hadn't been Evie, but she looked exactly the same. I don't get fooled that fucking easy and she looked like Evie, that's why I fucking fell for all this shit. But she wasn't. And now I needed to know who that had been and why did this whole thing happen. Well, I had an idea as to why, but I still needed to have a good deep thinking about this subject. But not now. Right now I had to try or at least do my best at trying to maybe fix this fucking mess I had made. 

The kiss was over just as quick as it happened. It hadn't been anything romantic, it hadn't been the way kisses were supposed to be. It had only been a peck, a simple touch of lips, enough to shut her up and get her to quiet down for a moment.