Misted Thoughts

Memories Of You

I fell for you so many years ago
It seems like a distant sour sweet memory
It runs along every song track I'm playing right now
Songs that you would sing every morning
Off beat, low key, absolutely horrendous

It refuses to leave my tainted soul alone
It is that one place I go to when I need a good laugh
The memories of you that is
I cooled my cheek one day on a desk that would rarely get dusted
And when I closed my eyes, all I could see was you.

Your smile and the way your hair would curl up in the right places
Exactly where I wanted to touch them
Before you would swat my hand away
I smiled at that thought, thoroughly surprised at myself.
You had a habit of being remembered
And what I wouldn't do in those times to remember you.

I would make you destroy my notebooks with your stupid name all over the last page
Just so I collect a piece of you
As relic
Instead of grazing my hand
You would press down on it
With so much force of your body
That my body would succumb
To electric jolts in nerve endings in places I didn't think nerves existed.
Like the ends of my fingertips

Where you would lightly hand me your bottle
Draining half the water on my palm

Which you would slap every morning, saying 'sup' accompanied by the famous head nod

You hated the fact that I cried
And you liked the fact that my eyes sparkled.
I liked the fact that your eyes sparkled too.

You would wipe your face with your jersey
And my friends would wolf whistle at me
I was so scared, I would look the other way
You would ask me if you look good
And I couldn't explain to you how every
Freckle on your face had become my canvas
How your lips were too pink sometimes
And your deodorant was pretty strong
How your uniform was hardly ever ironed
And your eyes reminded me of honey dews
How the sunlight would hit your face at right angles
And your left arm always had ink
So I would say
Yeah okay and smile.

Sometimes I wish to relive the moment I failed that one test
You took my hand gently in yours, through the corridors telling me it's going to be okay
I'm sorry I couldn't concentrate on the words coming out of your mouth.
My eyes were concentrated on our hands that were held tightly for the first time
It was like a dream come true, only to good to be true
Also, where were we going?
Because I really didn't know

You told me football makes everything better Rhea.
And then we were out in the field.
And you were giving me every pass you could.
Slapping guys who would ask me about my day
Because you thought I would pour again.

Its all these happy memories I take with me when I see you in corridors.
I nod and wave hello.

I try not to remember the time when you told me I wasn't worth it.
Although it would be easier to blame you I don't blame you.
You are still beautiful in your own stupid goofy ways.
You laugh with your mouth open
But you've numbed yourself to crying
I see you, but I don't see you.
Its a whole new you I don't wish to exchange conversations and coffee with.

And I hope someday when I'm crying
And you're ready to hold my hand
We could slap a few guys
Get on the field
And play some football.
Even though it doesn't make everything better.