Misted Thoughts

A Forgotten Me

I remember how we became friends. It was one of the weirdest kinds.

It was online.

Can you imagine? Online?!?! I had always hated being friends with people on the Internet. And no not for the usual "Omg what if it turns out to be a 40 year old, just trying to get into bed with you". Well, okay, some of it. But, mostly because, the Internet doesn't always portray the real person behind the taps of keys on the qwerty.

When I met you, something told me I belonged. Something told me I had again found a home. A tinier home, maybe a home I couldn't hug all the time or say "I love you" to. Or a home I could kiss and keep close.

But definitely a home that I didn't fear would break. Until, it did.

We had started talking like it was the most easiest thing to do. We instantly, what's the word? Clicked? No, I don't think that's what I should say. But it was the perfect fit, like pieces of a jigsaw places absolutely snug, making the complete.

I felt satisfaction with you, did I tell you. Like my words were said enough with just the right amount of emphasis for you to know how I felt about everything going on in my life.

And suddenly the texts stopped. You said you had exams. And i understand living away, in a completely different country can be a pain, but I never thought you'd vanish like that.

It's been months now. I'm tired of saying I miss you. I'm tired of saying I miss us. I've learnt the hard way to let go of things, and I lot of it has been happening lately, so let's just say I've gotten used to the process. Only, you know it better than me, everything that I went through and you did. You should know how it feels. God, shouldn't you? Come on.

I'm just so mad and pissed. I start questioning if I have the authority to question you and your whereabouts.

I could beg you to come back and text me and spend all the lonely nights with me so I could cry a little less every time.

"It's okay hon, just push through, for one more day. Come on"

Isn't that what you used to say? Remember?
Do you even remember me?

When I was seven once, my dad was leaving once for work when I called him from behind. Sidelining the fact that it was due to the fact that he'd forgotten his lunch, she said

"Ghar se nikalne ke baad, kisi ko vaapis peeche se nahi bulate beta"

Darling, when someone leaves home, you don't call them back.

So I won't. Maybe I lost a home in you. But I've built so many more comfortable abodes now. And maybe when you come back you can tell me about all the people you've met, tease me a little and we can go back to being 1am buddies. Go back to being us.

I'll try to sleep better now.