The exact words he threw at my face still haunts my dreams every single night and I think I'm starting to believe him.
"Wish I've never met you I was so young and stupid, no wonder no one wanted to be with you, you are just holding me down and I...
He just stared at me and I know that I did hurt him with my words but I am just not ready to take that big step, I do love him and I do what to be with him but I just need time and sometimes that is just too much to ask for but I just need to make him understand.
I don't want to be the one to break his heart because I still want to be with him I just am not ready for that commitment now maybe in a few ear that will be perfect for us but for now everything is still new and the wounds are still raw.
"Kayden I am so sorry I did this to you I know you did allot for me to set this up and I am truly grateful, everything looks beautiful but I just can't make that decision now and I know it hurt you when I say this but do remember that I still love you I will always love you and it not that I don't want to be your wife I do but just not know"" I said to him and I can see the defeat in his features.
"What did I do wrong, I promise I will fix it Leah please just don't leave me, I don't think I will be able to handle this "he said and I can see the tears he is trying to hold in his eyes.
"Hey, look at me. I am not giving up on us we just got this sorted out, I love you Kayden more than life itself but I just can't be your wife now please understand that I will make sure you know when the time is right and everything that you hoped for everything that I dream off will come true, I just need time please give that to me "I said to him and placed my hand on his cheek.
"I will do that for you I promise, to be honest that hurt like a bitch but I do understand Leah and I love you even more I will give you all the time you need just promise me one thing and that is that you will let me fix things before you leave me please I don't think I will ever handle something like that "he said
"I am so sorry I keep on hurting you Kayden, I do love you and I promise that I want to be with you and just give me time "I said to him and he just nodded.
'~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Everything went fine after our conversation and we just went back to the party to try to enjoy ourselves yes I do know that I have created allot of tension in our relationship now but I just want to make sure this is where he wants me to be and this is where I want to be I do know that he loves me and I love him and I want us three to be a happy family once again but just like he said I can't deal with another heart break.
Time flew by at the party there were a few speeches and thank you's thrown around but the one person that knows me the most saw right threw me and that I Laura my best friend and anchor that has given me the best advice and also the worst in some times but I will always love her.
Se studied me for a while and I am trying my best to try and hide what is going on in my mind, she looked away for a brief moment before she started.
"Darling you know that I know you right and that I can basically say that you won't even be able to hide a fart from me." She said and I know exactly where this is going.
"Yes I do "I smile and responded.
"Okay well spit it out" she said and took my hand to lead my outside to sit on a faraway bench.
"Kayden proposed to me "I said and looked away
"WWWWHHHHAAAATTTT!!!!! That is wonderful news, no wait.... Why are you crying honey? "She asked and that just caused me to cry harder and I am trying to explain to her between my sobs.
"I-III D-DDDONT KKK-KNOW WHAT TO DO LAURA, I MESSED UP!" I tried to say and cry at the same time.
"Wait honey breathe and try once again I can't hear shit"she said.
I took one huge breath in and out to try and calm myself, I must look like a total nightmare and I know I am scaring her.
"That's it Honey in and out, in and out, now try again "she said while rubbing y back.
"Kayden planned a perfect night for us at the roof top with candles and everything set up and it was breathtaking up there everything felt so right but when he started to explain why we were there I freaked out and I just couldn't say what he wanted me to say, I just can't do this right now Laur, I just can't just say yes and decide so quick I need time to know what is going on if we are really meant to be I mean everything is still new we are starting a whole new chapter and I just need time, so when he asked me I said no."I said while biting my nails and watched her reaction.
"Well that was allot to take in but like always I am here and you need to open up more to me girl!, okay so I am not going to try and be the preacher hear, I am going to say it just like it is and that is, I totally get you and I do understand and I don't know why do you beat yourself up about this, yes you guys are still trying to get everything sorted out and I know that you were completely damaged the first time when you gave your heart completely away so I also think it is best to give it time and if you are really meant to end up with each other that will happen if it's now or tomorrow or in a years' time it will just be patient and everything will work out. He loves you and you love him honey so follow what your heart wants and listen to what your mind tell you and everything will end up just as you wish. "Laura said and I cried in her arms while she tries to get me under control.
"Know lets go clean you up because girl you look like the things I warn I am that go's bump in the night "and just like that she made me laugh.
"Hey Laura "I called after her
"Yes?" she responded
"Thank you for always lifting me up when I am down "I said to her.
"Always"
We cleaned up danced once more and headed home for a good night's sleep not like I will be able to with everything going through my mind and just like always I am overthinking everything possible.
Kayden wanted to spend a night alone to get himself together and I gave that to him and decided that I will be spending my night with my baby girl and that makes me feel better, I just want to see what happens now, will he stay by my side or give up just because I need time? Or will he do like he says and love me even with everything that happened.
Allot of things are going through my mind because of our conversation especially since I am alone in this house, and every turn that I take to over think it just leads me back to my main reason and that will be that if we are really meant to be that he will wait for me and everything will be worth it in the end or that I hope.
THE END
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Authors note:
Just a quick thank you to all of my readers that you for all of the support through my journey of my first official book, I have fell deep in love with all of my characters and I enjoyed to share everything with all of you please give me a star if you also enjoyed Kayden and Leah's journey.
I love all of you guys and I do promise there will be an Epilogue.
Please give me feedback and I do love comments of all of your thoughts!
Much love and once again thank you so much for taking the time to read my book!
Monica
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