Lumina Academy: Light and Shadow (Realm Series #1)

Chapter 42: Excruciating Pain

Chapter 42: Excruciating Pain
 
I am now heading to Council Lambert’s mansion and I used the portal of the academy na hindi naman madalas na pinagagamit. Only the authorities or an urgent happening that this portal were usually used but now, I just used it. Perks of being the daughter of the headmistress. Minsan, advantage din ang bagay na ‘yon, lalo na ngayong kailangan kong maglakbay patungo sa kabilang kaharian—Wynyard Kingdom.
 
I am using the Alphas’ suit and this is also what the students are wearing every time they are going to their jobs, mission, and more, plus, the academy’s cape without hood. It was a color black cape and the golden sun was embroidered on its back. Akala ko ay bulaklak ito no’ng una, but when I take a look closer, isa pala iyong araw na tila bulaklak. The sun that same with my birthmark. Hindi ko alam kung ano bang ibig sabihin no’n, kahit si Mimi o si Nana ay hindi rin alam that’s why we remain clueless.
 
Ikinapasa-salamat ko naman dahil hindi na ako pinatawag sa palasyo para sa isang royal fine dining. Nagka-trauma na yata ako no’ng last kaya it’s a no, no for me kung halimbawa mang pinatawag ako ulit. Halos lahat yata ng Alphas ay naghahanda para sa royal fine dining at tila nalungkot naman ako ng isipin kong may ka-dining yung lalaking ‘yon. Ayos lang kung lalaki, pero kapag babae? Hmp! Bahala siya, at saka, bakit ko ba nararamdaman ‘to ngayon?
 
Edi makipag-dining siya! Pake ko naman. Hmp!
 
Nahihilo pa rin ako dahil sa portal at buti na lamang at nakarating na ako sa paroroonan ko. I was now in the middle of a tall and magnificent gate—halatang isa sa mga council nga ang nagmamay-ari ng tahanan na ‘to. Lumapit naman ako sa gilid kung na saan ang single door gate and I knocked on it. Bumukas naman ang mataas na gate at lumabas ang isang tauhan ng pamilya ni Council Lambert.
 
“Who am I speaking with?” His baritone voice echoed in my ears—he was one of the soldiers under Council Lambert’s family.
 
“I was from the academy who took the job that Council Lambert sent to the academy,” I answered and he didn’t even look at me and he was just standing there straight.
 
“May I know your name, Ma’am?”
 
“I am Lara Watson, Sir,” as I answered, his eyes move to see me and I just saw the shock, recognition, and realization in his eyes before he kneel one of his knees and bow his head which shock me.
 
“Pardon me, princess!”
 
Napakurap-kurap naman ako dahil sa ginawa niya at rinig ko pa ang kaba sa boses niya ng ma-realize niya kung sino ang kinauusap niya ngayon. “No… it’s alright. Beside, I am not a princess right now. I am from the academy who took the job from Council Lambert. You may stand…” I explained at mabilis naman siyang tumayo ngunit hindi na sinubukan pang tumingin sa akin.
 
If you are studying in the academy, you are just a student. Kahit prinsesa o prinsepe ka pa ay estudyante ka pa rin, means, your tittle won’t work inside the academy if you are one of its students. Ang basehan naman sa academy ay ang iyong rank, halimbawa na lamang kung isa ka sa matataas na section, especially, if you are one of the Alphas which are the princes and princess while the students in Betas are the children of the councils. Ngunit hindi naman lahat ng anak ng council ay na sa Betas. Madami ang mga councils kaya madami rin ang mga anak nila but not all of them are in Betas or studying in the academy.
 
“Let’s go inside then, my lady. Council Lambert has been waiting for you inside.”
 
Pinapasok naman niya ako at hindi ko naman mapigilang makaramdam ng kaba. There’s a long driveway before we reached the magnificent mansion—a mini palace. We entered the mansion and I was greeted by a big chandelier on the ceiling. Isa lamang ang masasabi ko sa bahay na ‘to, luxurious. Mula sa kagamitan ay halata mong mamahalin. White and beige was the color of interior at unang bumungad sa amin ang sala and I saw the host and hostess of this mansion.
 
“Council Lambert, Lady Gloria…”
 
Sabay na tumingin sa amin ang mag-asawa and when our eyes met, recognition was written in their eyes until a pleasant smile appeared in their lips. But why do I feel it wasn’t pleasant like what I thought? Nagkatinginan ang mag-asawa bago sila sabay na naglakad palalapit sa akin at sabay pa silang yumuko ng bahagya sa akin while their smile didn’t leave their lips. This my first time meeting them that’s why I am clueless about them. Wala naman na rin akong oras para kilalanin pa sila and what just Mimi told me was to be careful.
 
“Princess Lara! We are pleased that you are the one who took our request in the academy!” Masayang wika ng asawa ni Council Lambert and she were wearing a luxurious dress and her hair was in an updo style. “I am Gloria by the way, the wife of Council Lambert…” she curtsies and I did the same.
 
“Nice to meet you, Lady Gloria…”
 
“I am Council Lambert, Princess Lara, and it was pleasant to meet you in person…” he also did a curtsy and I also did that same—a sign of respect. “Welcome to our humble abode.”
 
“Likewise, Council Lambert.”
 
“It was sad that we won’t have time to have some tea because we have to go now—” hindi naman natuloy ni Lady Gloria ang sasabihin ng makarinig kami ng isang boses—a lady’s voice.
 
“Mom! Dad! Let’s go!”
 
Napatingin sila kung saan ‘yon nanggaling before they look at me apologetic. “It’s okay, Lady Gloria, Council Lambert. Take care on your journey,” I said before I smiled at them.
 
“We’re really sorry, princess. Our daughter is just too excited right now to see her beloved again,” Lady Gloria said and I just nodded at her—telling her that I understand.
 
“We have to go now. We don’t want to anger our daughter,” Council Lambert stated before they bid their goodbye to me and told one of the servants to guide me where their six years old daughter’s room was.
 
Sumunod naman ako sa servant habang hindi maalis sa isipan ko ang ngiti ng mag-asawa kanina habang paalis sila. Ang ngiti na tila napagbigyan sila sa isang bagay na matagal na nilang inaasam. It wasn’t about me but in another thing and I think, patungkol ‘yon sa anak nilang panganay na excited na makita ang minamahal nito. Napailing na lamang ako habang nakasunod pa rin sa servant until we stopped and she opened the door for me.
 
“Na sa loob po siya, mahal na prinsesa.”
 
Pumasok naman ako sa loob at hindi mapigilang ilibot ang paningin. It was color lavender at mahahalata kaagad na silid ito ng isang bata. When my eyes turned where the bed was, nakita ko ang isang batang babae na nakahiga at mula sa kinatatayuan ko ay kitang-kita ko kung gaano siya kaputla. I also can feel how weak she is and I can’t help but feel sad about her. Lumapit sa kaniya ang servant at inayos ang kumot nito na alam kong gising but she can not open her eyes.
 
The servant went in front of me while her head was still bowing. “Ayaw niya pong kumain dahil aalis na naman pong muli ang kaniyang pamilya. Nalulungkot po siya ngayon at ayaw kumain. Sana po ay mapa-gaan niyo po ang kaniyang loob at mapasaya,” magalang niyang wika na ikinatango ko lamang at nagpasalamat sa kaniya bago siya nagpaalam upang lumabas.
 
Lumapit naman ako sa bata at maingat na umupo sa gilid ng kaniyang higaan at pinagmasdan siya. Maputla nga siya at halatang nanghihina. Nakaawang ng bahagya ang kaniyang maliit na labi at habol ang kaniyang hininga at ang kaniyang mga mata ay bahagyang nakamulat. I bet that she can not even fully open her eyes because of how weak she was. Itinabi ko naman ang buhok niyang humaharang sa kaniyang mukha and I smiled when she was trying to look at me.
 
“Hi…” bati ko sa kaniya. “I am Lara, the one who will guard you and take care of you today while your parents are away…” I softly said while smiling at her sweetly. I can see that she was trying to say something but it was hard for her that’s why I decided to make a move. “Don’t try saying something if you really can’t, okay? Don’t force yourself. I will just read your mind for me to help you… just talk using your mind…” I said and she stopped from trying to speak now.
 
“I am Helena. Nice to meet you, Ate Lara…”
 
I smiled when I heard her sweet voice but even she was only talking in her mind, her voice was still weak. “Likewise, Helena…” I smiled at her and I can see the small smile on her lips. “What do you want to do today?” I asked.
 
“I… I don’t know, ate. I am weak. I can’t do anything but lay down in my bed and be u-useless just like what m-my p-parents… said… especially, my a-ate…”
 
Natigilan naman ako sa sinabi niya and she almost cry when talking and I can’t help but feel sorry about her. Does her family even do like her? I can feel her sadness and loneliness and it makes me want to make her feel better. Bata pa lamang siya ay ganito na ang pinararamdam sa kaniya. I wanted to make her feel better even just for today. Hindi ko siya gustong kaawaan dahil hindi ‘yon makatutulong sa kaniya. All I can do right now is be with her while her family was away.
 
At least they still wanted their daughter to be safe while they are away.
 
***
 
Time flies so fast at maya-maya lang ay uuwi na ang mga magulang ni Helena but while I am with her, I did everything to make her feel better—to make her feel that someone is beside her and I am happy to make her happy even just for today. Kumain na rin siya at napadami pa ang pagkain niya. She’s so thin na mas lalong nagpahihina sa kaniya and I wanted to help her feel better. I will surely go back here to help her feel better. She is a jolly, sweet, and nice kid and it makes me want to help her badly.
 
“Ate Lara…”
 
Nilingon ko naman si Helena ng tawagin niya ako. Inaayos ko ang kumot niya before I sat beside her and face her. “Hmmm?”
 
“Can you be my ate…?”
 
Tila nahihiya niyang tanong kaya napangiti na lamang ako. “Of course!” Sagot ko na ikinangiti naman niya ng mahagya.
 
“Thank you…”
 
I smiled at her before I comb her hair using my fingers. “Dalawa na ang ate mo…” saad ko ngunit nakita ko na lamang ang pagkawala ng kaniyang ngiti. “Something’s wrong?” Nag-aalala kong tanong dahil kitang-kita ko ang lungkot sa kaniyang mga mata.
 
“I just wish that you are my real ate…” mahina niyang wika while I am trying to read her. “Si Ate Helen kasi, hindi ko naramdaman ang pagiging ate niya sa akin… she despises me for coming to their lives… even my parents despise me. They didn’t expect that I will come to their lives and while I was in my mom’s womb, I was already weak and my mother almost die by giving birth to me. Thanks to those doctors who revived her because I couldn’t imagine what would be my life if mom died because of me… they loathed me for existing that’s why they didn’t want to help me cure my disease and said that I s-should d-die…”
 
“Helena…” I caressed her cheeks and wipe her tears. Alam kong hindi madali para sa kaniya ang sabihin sa akin ang kaniyang pinagdadaanan, lalo na at ngayon lang kami nagkakilala but I guess, magaan ang kaniyang loob sa akin. Even so, she’s just a child!
 
“But I still love them…”
 
My heart tugged when I felt what she’s feeling right now. I guess, this is her first time opening up to someone and it happened to be me. If they loathed her like what she said, then why did her parents want to hire someone to guard her? Ramdam ko namang hindi siya nagsisinungaling but I cam feel something is off right now. May iba pa bang dahilan kung bakit gusto nilang pabantayan si Helena habang wala sila? Do they really care about her well-being?
 
“But I believe that they will love me soon too. I just have to endure it because one day, they will realize that they love me too like how I love them… we’re family after all.”
 
Napatitig ako sa bata. She is a kind-hearted kid and she doesn’t deserve this. She was only a little girl who was looking for her family’s love but unfortunately, they couldn’t even give that to her. I continued caressing her cheeks and now there’s a small smile on her lips. I wanted nothing but her happiness and for her to get better. I wanted her to experience the outside world and I hope that that time will come soon.
 
“Thank you, Ate Lara… for listening to me and for not judging me.”
 
I frowned because of what she said. “What do you mean?” Taka kong tanong sa kaniya.
 
“My parents are always hiring someone to protect me every time that they are away from home… and when the time that I asked help to the person who was guarding me, she just laughed at me and she even told Ate Helen what I told her. It turns out that they are friends and they started to mock m-me… that’s why I didn’t try to talk to anyone anymore until there’s a man who came and even he was cold as ice that time, I still can feel that he is kind—that he wasn’t like my ate and her friend who mocked me that’s why I opened up in him…
 
“But that guy is too handsome that’s why my sister started to try to get his attention—she even fakes her care about me just to please the guy but I guess, Kuya Den knows that she is fake. He doesn’t care about my ate at all but my sister just fell in love with him. I can always hear her asking my parents to hire him again to guard me but Kuya Den didn’t come back anymore which made my sister mad. I was actually the one who told Kuya not to come back here anymore dahil baka kung ano pa ang gawin ni ate sa kaniya. I know that he is powerful but my sister is desperate already kaya natatakot ako para sa kaniya. I don’t want him to end up with my sister… I love her but she’s just too desperate to get Kuya Den’s attention and affection…”
 
Tahimik lamang akong nakikinig sa kaniya and I don’t know why I got interested with her story. Lahat ng sinasabi niya ay katotohanan lamang and I can even see it in her eyes. She is somehow worried and I think, she was worried to her Kuya Den that she doesn’t want him to end up with her sister. But I am not sure if I am really talking to a six years old kid? O baka ganito lang talaga ang mga bata sa mundo na ‘to?
 
Yeah, right.
 
“She wants him to fall in love with her ngunit masyado ng mataas ang pangarap niya. Ni ang atensyon nga ni Kuya Den ay mahirap na niyang makuha, ang paibigan pa kaya siya? She’s already insane and my parents even supported her and now, they came to see Kuya Den and his family… again. Hindi niya makitang hindi siya gusto ni Kuya, na ni minsan ay hindi siya gugustuhin because I believe that Kuya Den already have someone and it wasn’t my sister…”
 
Kita kong tila problememado pa siya dahil sa ate niya and all I can do right now is to listen to her. “I believe that your sister will wake up soon from her desperation…” I only said and all she can do is nod.
 
Nanatili pa ako sa kaniyang silid hanggang sa maghapunan na. Ako ulit ang nagpakain sa kaniya and I am happy because she’s already eating now and I can feel her being happy today. I will surely miss her and if I will be given a chance, I will come back and see her again. Basta ang mahalaga ngayon ay matulungan ko siyang magpagaling. I will just seek help from my mother and what I heard from her, for sure her parents wouldn’t want anyone to help their daughter to cure whatever her decease.
 
“Ate Lara, magkikita pa ba tayo?”
 
I was getting ready now dahil dumating na ang pamilya niya and now she is feeling sad kaya nginitian ko siya. “Of course! Kaya magpagaling ka, ha? I wanted you to see the outside world…” I said and she smiled lightly at me. Tuluyan na kaming nagpaalam sa kaniya hanggang sa lumabas na ako sa kaniyang silid. The servant who accompanied me earlier was also the one who fetch me ngunit bago pa kami makalayo sa silid ni Helena ay bigla itong huminto at hinarap ako habang nakayuko pa rin ang kaniyang ulo. I was frowning at her and I can’t help but ask. “Is there any problem?” Tanong ko dito.
 
“Wala po, mahal na prinsesa… gusto ko lamang pong magpasalamat sa ‘yo dahil pinasaya mo po ang alaga ko.”
 
I smiled because of what she said and said no problem before we continued walking. Ngunit habang pababa kami ay rinig na rinig ko ang isang matinis na boses na tila nagwawala habang pinakakalma siya ng dalawang pamilyar na boses. Medyo malayo ang sala sa hagdan ngunit rinig na rinig pa rin namin sila and when we reached the foot of the stairs, do’n ko pa lang narinig ng malinaw ang kanilang pinag-uusapan.
 
“Helen, calm down!”
 
“No, mom! How could I calm down when the man that I love ignored me again?!”
 
“You know him, Helen! He is like that to everyone!”
 
“No, dad! He shouldn’t be like that when it comes to me! He should love me! I am beautiful, sexy, and rich! I can do everything for him!”
 
“Helen, you know too well the prin—”
 
Wala ng kasunod ang usapan nila dahil nakarinig na naman kaming muli ng isang matinis na sigaw and I just heard the servant’s sighed. “Pasensya na po, mahal na prinsesa,” wika nito na ikinatango ko na lamang.
 
Nakarating na kami sa sala and there, I saw Council Lambert and Lady Gloria that looked stress while their daughter looked like a mess. Nagkalat ang make up niya sa mukha at magulo ang kaniyang buhok. The whole living room was in whole mess too and I guess, it was her—siya ang nagwawala kanina pa at base sa naririnig ko mula sa kanila ay hindi siya pinansin ng kung sino man ang tinutukoy niya.
 
Tahimik lamang ako at tanging ang pag-iyak lamang ng anak nila ang naririnig sa sala until Council Lambert noticed my presence at kaagad naman niyang inayos ang kaniyang postura, habang ang kaniya namang asawa ay pilit na pinatatahan ang kanilang panganay na anak. Pinasadahan ko ng tingin ang kanilang anak bago ibinalik ang tingin kay Council Lambert na iniharang ang katawan sa kaniyang mag-ina at hinarap ako. Nakatalikod ako sa pintuan habang nakaharap sa kanila.
 
“Hello, again, princess… I will just contact the head of the Commission Office for your reward…” he said in a calmer tone now.
 
I smiled at him, “Thank you, Council Lambert…” I politely said and he was about to say something to me when suddenly, I noticed her daughter stood up and went to face me.
 
Nakataas ang kilay nito and she was looking at me—judging my whole being. Ngayong na sa harapan ko na siya ay kitang-kita ko kung gaano nagkalat ang kaniyang make up at kung gaano kagulo ang kaniyang buhok. “Who’s she?” She asked while still looking at me—still have that judging look in her eyes.
 
“She is Princess Lara from the Luminaria Kingdom,” Council Lambert said and all I have to do is to smile at his daughter who looked… insecure all of sudden ngunit mabilis lamang ‘yon. “Princess Lara, this is my firstborn, Helen…”
 
“Nice to meet you, Helen…” I said while smiling lightly at her but she only scoffed at me kaya sinita siya ng kaniyang mga magulang.
 
“Helen!”
 
“What?! I am still more beautiful than her!” Her tone was laced with insecurities and I can’t help but sigh secretly.
 
Pinanonuod ko lamang sila hanggang sa makarinig na lamang kami ng komusyon sa labas na ikinatigil namin until the door behind me opened and that’s when I felt my heart started to beat fast again. That presence… lahat kami ay natigilan, lalo na ako at dahil nakatingin ako sa kanilang tatlo ay nakita ko kung paano manlaki ang kanilang mga mata—especially, Helen who was looking at the person behind me until she shouted and run behind me. Sinadya pa nitong banggain ako sa aking balikat and I almost lost my balance but good thing I was quick.
 
“My love!” Tili nito at hindi ko naman napigilan ang sarili kong lumingon sa kanila.
 
“P-Prince Aiden…”
 
Ngunit tila nawalan na lamang ako ng gana ng makita ko kung paano pumulupot ang kamay ni Helen sa leeg niya and from where I am standing, I can feel how happy Helen was. She even buried her face in his chest and I just don’t know but I feel like I just wanted to pull her hair away from my favorite spot. Nawalan ng emosyon ang aking mukha at hindi ko alam kung ano ang nangyayari sa akin. My head was filled by bad things and that’s because of what I am seeing right now.
 
I have to get out of here.
 
I look into his eyes and he was looking at me too. Tila nagmamadali rin siya—tila mayroong hinahabol dahil hinihingal pa siya. Was he running after Helen? Was he here for her? I don’t know but my system can’t accept that idea and it was starting to hurt me—I am starting to feel pain right now because of what I am seeing right now and what I just thought. Why… why am I feeling this way? Walang emosyon ang mga mata kong nakatingin sa kaniya while his eyes were saying something but I didn’t bother on knowing about it.
 
Mabilis akong humarap sa mag-asawa at wala akong paki-alam kung hanggang ngayon ay gulat pa rin sila and I was about to say something when I heard what Helena said in my head. “Kuya Den…” she sounds surprised—so am I but I have to leave this place now.
 
Ngunit bago pa ako makapagsalita ay narinig ko pa ang sinabi ni Helen. “I knew it! Alam kong hindi mo rin ako matitiis…” tila winasak ang puso ko dahil sa narinig and I felt suffocated all of sudden.
 
I wanted to leave this place as soon as possible but I was about to say something again when I heard his baritone and somehow dangerous voice. “I am not fucking here for you. I am here to get what’s mine and it wasn’t fucking you…” his voice thundered in this place and it gives chills to everyone. Lahat kami ay hindi nakagalaw hanggang sa naramdaman ko na lamang ang pamilyar na braso na pumulupot sa aking bewang bago ako nito hinapit palalapit sa kaniya. “Let’s go home, baby…” he whispered in my ear and I could feel how close his lips are in my left ear.
 
Wala nakapag-salita sa amin until he gently drags me away to them. Nilagpasan namin si Helen na tila pinagsakluban ng langit at lupa. Nakasunod lamang ang kanilang tingin sa amin hanggang sa makalabas kami ng kanilang tahanan—hanggang sa labas ng kanilang gate and I was just letting him drag me wherever we wants to go. Tahimik kaming dalawa—ako na tila nawalan ng gana but I still can feel my heart tightening that’s why I am trying so hard to calm myself, while I can feel the prince of fire’s panic at tila kinakabahan pa siya at… natatakot?
 
I just realized that we’re already inside of the forest and I can’t even appreciate the snow right now ngunit hindi nakawala sa mata kong nakasuot lamang siya ng white polo, black slacks, and shoes at kung ako siguro ang na sa kaniyang kalagayan ay baka nilalamig na ako but I shouldn’t forget that he is the prince of fire. Hindi siya mabilis lamigin and even I am wearing a magical cape, I still can feel his warm. It was penetrating my cape and my body starting to like what I am feeling right now. But like the snow, I couldn’t appreciate his presence right now.
 
What am I even feeling?
 
Huminto kami habang tikom pa rin ang aking bibig hanggang sa paharapin niya ako sa kaniya. His hands where in my shoulders and I am already facing him. I don’t want to look at him—afraid that he might read what am I feeling right now. Gusto ko ng maka-uwi at matulog dahil hindi ko kinakaya ang nararamdaman ko ngayon. I think, I already know what this feeling was and I just can’t accept it… why? That’s because there’s nothing between us at ngayon ko lamang na-realize ang bagay na ‘yon. I felt like I wanted to avoid him after this—once we go home ngunit nagtatalo ang aking loob.
 
“Hey…”
 
I heard his sweet baritone voice again but I stand still. Bawal marupok! Naka-iwas ang paningin ko sa kaniya habang siya ay pilit na hinuhuli ang aking paningin. Hindi ko lang naman gustong mabasa niya ang nararamdaman ko ngayon and it wasn’t impossible for him to know what I am feeling right now. I was afraid for him to know about it because I am being assuming and I shouldn’t feel this way but myself was too stubborn! Tila gusto ko na lamang maglaho at magtago mula sa kaniya.
 
This is not good.
 
“My Hop—”
 
“I want to go home…” putol ko sa kaniya. “I want to go home now,” pagpapatuloy ko habang hindi pa rin nakatingin sa kaniya. I wasn’t mad at him at wala naman dapat akong ikagalit sa kaniya. I was just disappointed at myself for feeling this way…
 
I heard him sigh—a heavy sigh before he called his griffin—Ax—and Ax greeted me happily kaya pinilit ko ang sarili kong batiin din siya pabalik. I wanted to talk to the prince of fire like before but I am not feeling well right now… kailangan ko munang kausapin ang sarili ko at linawin ang mga bagay-bagay bago siya muling kausapin. But right now, I just wanted to go home because after all, I already miss my baby. Pinasakay ako ni Ax sa kaniyang likod at tinulungan naman ako ng prinsepe bago siya sumunod na sumakay.
 
I just sighed secretly when I felt his chest on my back, especially, feeling his warmth and sniffing his smell. I just wanted to sneak my hands into his neck and sniff his smell but I stopped myself from doing so. Wala akong karapatang gawin ang bagay na ‘yon sa kaniya. Ngayong natauhan na ako ay imposibleng hayaan kong mapalapit kaming muli kagaya na lang ng dati. I won’t let that happen anymore. I will know my place from now on. Ano bang nangyayari sa akin? But… there is something that bothering me the most and while I was thinking about that, mas lalo namang bumibigat ang dibdib ko.
 
Lumipad na si Ax paitaas and I just felt the prince of fire’s flame spreading to Ax’s body upang hindi siya lamigin habang lumilipad. Coldness didn’t bother me since I have my cape, so does the prince of fire. Tahimik lamang ang aming paglipad not until I felt Aiden’s arms sneaked around my waist before he buried his face in the left side of my neck. Hindi naman ako nakagalaw ngunit ng ma-realize ko kung ano ang posisyon namin ay sinubukan kong lumayo sa kaniya ngunit hindi niya ako hinayaan.
 
“Stay… please,” his voice was begging at mas lalo pa niyang hinigpitan ang pagkakayakap sa akin and he also buried his face on the hollow of my neck even more. Tila pagod din niya at gusto ko na lamang kutusan ang sarili ko ng hindi na ako nakapalag.
 
Ang rupok ko! Huhu!
 
I just sigh and just let him do whatever he wants. I even caress his arms that hugging my waist too tightly na tila natatakot siyang mawala ako. I just closed my eyes before leaning my body against him na mabilis naman niyang tinanggap. Mas lalo pa niya akong inilapit sa kaniya until a sigh of contentment left his mouth. Gano’n pa rin ang aming posisyon habang ang isipan ko ay lumilipad kung saan-saan—no, I was thinking from distancing myself to him… hindi ko gustong nakararamdam ako ng ganito lalo pa’t ni hindi ko siya matawag na isang kaibigan.
 
This is torturing me…
 
But inside me, he is my good friend… my crush. Tss! Tahimik lamang ang buong biyahe namin at gano’n lamang ang aming puwesto but time to time, I could feel him tightening his arms around my waist and I almost can’t breathe. Hanggang sa makabalik kami sa academy ay tahimik pa rin ako. He was trying to say something but when he can see that I have no plan on talking with him, he just stayed silent. Masyado na ba akong nag-iinarte? But I am not just feeling well! I mean, hindi ko pa siya kayang kausapin dahil pakiramdam ko, hindi ko na makontrol ang sarili ko at tuluyan ng lumabas ang totoong nararamdaman ko.
 
When we entered the dorm, as usual, magulo sila ng makapasok kami and their smiled greeted us but when they saw our faces, they stopped and look at us while frowning—curious of what happened. Nginitian ko lamang sila ng pilit bago tuloy-tuloy na nagtungo sa aking silid and so does Aiden. Nang makarating na ako sa tapat ng aking silid at papasok na sana sa loob ng marinig ko ang kaniyang boses na tila kinakabahan.
 
“Hope…” napapikit na lamang ako ng mariin. I gripped the doorknob tightly while stopping myself to face him because I don’t want him to see my damp face and yes, my tears just started to shed. “Are you mad…? At me?” Mahina niyang tanong and I can hear that he is in panic and fear? But… why?
 
I cleared my throat while calming myself. Ano bang nangyayari sa akin?! “No…” mahina kong sagot. I am mad at myself… I wanted to tell that to him but I didn’t. Instead, I opened my room’s door at walang lingong-likod na pumasok sa loob.
 
Isinandal ko ang aking likod sa pinto at do’n bumuhos ng tuluyan ang aking luha. I wasn’t afraid to cry loudly since it was sound proof. All I know right now was I wanted to cry my heart out. Hindi ko maintindihan ang sarili ko ngayon. Lalo naman ng maalala ko kung ano ang narinig ko sa isipan ni Helen kanina na mas lalong ikinakirot ng dibdib ko. I gripped my chest as I cried harder. Hindi ko alam kung bakit ako nasasaktan ngayon. Hindi ko alam kung bakit ganito ang nararamdaman ko ngayon at mas lalo pang lumalala ‘yon sa tuwing naaalala ko ang nangyari kanina…
 
“Lara…” I just felt Tati embraced me and trying to calm me down but the excruciating pain was too much! Hindi ko alam kung bakit ganito na lamang ang nararamdaman ko and this is my first time feeling this way.
 
“T-Tati…” humihikbi na ako ngayon at hindi ko na kayang magsalita. Nanghihina na rin ako dahil sa sakit na nararamdaman ko ngayon. Napadausdos na lamang ako sa lapag habang hawak ko pa rin ang dibdib kong nasasaktan at dahil nakayakap sa akin si Tati ay naisama rin siya. “A-Ang sakit… h-hindi k-ko…” I closed my eyes because I can’t talk anymore. “H-hindi ko k-kaya…” I shake my head while tears are kept on flowing from eyes. “A-Ayaw ko nito… w-why am I-I feeling t-this way…?” Sobrang sakit ng nararamdaman ko at ramdam kong hindi lamang ang puso ko ang nasasaktan. I am starting to feel weak and I think, magkakasakit pa ako.
 
Tati tried to wipe my tears and from my blurry eyes, I saw how she smiled at me tightly. “That’s normal to feel, my lady… it’s normal to feel, especially, when you just learned that your mate just kissed someone else…”  
 
***