Only One

Chapter Thirty-Four

[edited]
My body looked pale, fragile, and thin in the bathroom mirror. My eyes had huge bags under them, while my cheeks were stained with tears. I looked down at the counter where the small gun sat. I picked it up and closed my eyes as the cool metal met my skin sending shivers throughout my body. "It's for your own good," I tell myself. Without thinking I raise the gun to the side of my head and let it hover there. My finger curled around the trigger. My vision was blurry with the tears I was creating. "Don't cry," I say. "Don't cry, don't cry. It will all be okay when it's over." I looked in the mirror at myself for what would be the last time. Then my finger moved.

☂

A loud scream pierced the air as I sprung up in bed. I didn't stop. I was frozen. I didn't wipe the hot tears that were spilling down my cheeks. I didn't raise my arms to cover the fit of coughs I was having. Then my body started to shake uncontrollably. And it wouldn't stop. Them I felt arms wrap around me. "Get off of me!" I shouted. But the truth was I didn't want whoever was holding me to let go. And they didn't.

"Shh," I heard. It was Parker. I burried my head in his chest which I realized was bare, but it didn't matter. Then I wrapped my arms around him and held on like my life depended on it. I didn't stop crying. My sobs were drowning everything out. In between them I heard Mr. Brookes, Mrs. Brookes, and Ryan talk to me, asking me things. I didn't answer them. I didn't want to.

"Stop talking!" I screamed. I ignored their protests.

"Leave," Parker said from above. "And shut the door." I lifted my head up and watched as everyone walked out of the room single file. He didn't speak after that. All he did was tighten his grip around me. And he held me for what seemed like hours. And maybe it was. But all I could focus on was what happened in that damn dream. I stopped sobbing. All that was left was a few stray tears that would fall down my cheeks every now and then.

"Why?" I asked aloud.

"Why what?" Parker asks.

"Why did I dream that?"

"Dream what?" He asked.

"That's not me Parker. I don't want that. I haven't wanted that for a long time and I don't ever want it again." I'm shaking again.

"Jenny what did you dream?" I look up to find that he is peering down at me with concern written all over his face.

"I-I was l-looking in my, my mirror. And there, there was a gun and I t-took it. I told myself that everything would be o-okay. But it's not okay. That's not me. Not anymore." It took time, but I finally sputtered it out.

"It was just a dream. You have nothing to worry about," he soothes.

"Promise," I say looking up at him.

"I promise," he echoes. "Now lay down and try to dream something better this time."

"I don't want to sleep," I say.

"What do you want then?" He asks me.

"I don't know," I whisper. I want you. I want you to be my friend again. I want you to stay with me and give me the comfort I need. He unwraps his arms from me and gets up. He walks to the door. "Don't leave." I cry. "Please don't leave me." But all he did was close the door. Then he came back and sat down next to me.

"What would make you think I would leave you when you're like this?" He asks.

"Maybe because you don't like me," I whisper falling back. Parker comes down next to me. He was under the covers now. Then he looked me in the eye and said something I've been waiting to hear for the longest time.

"I never said that," he says.

"Them why do you act like who hate me? You never talked to me at school. You never looked at me and these past couple of days we talk, but we don't talk. It's like you don't want to talk to me. And them earlier we were laughing and having fun and when I get here you act like it's the worst thing in the world," I explain, sorrow heavy on every word. He was quiet for a long, long time. And with each minute he didn't answer, I was growing even more impatient than I was.

"I don't hate you," he finally says.

"Then why do you act like you do?" I ask.

"I don't know." He closes his eyes and then reopens them. "One minute I hate you, and then the next I don't. Then another I'm mad at you again."

"I'm sorry," I whisper.

"It's not your fault. You can't decide how I feel," he tells me.

"But I'm the reason. And now that I know that I feel bad," I tell him.

"Jenny can I ask you something?" Parker asks.

"Hm?"

"Why did you keep what you kept from me?" I didn't know what to say. Part of me wanted to tell him why, but the other part wanted to keep it a secret.

"I can't tell you," I breathe out.

"Why not?" He asks calmly.

"Because I'm still not ready," I say.

"Is it that important?" I nod my head instead of saying anything. I was getting tired, but I didn't want to go to bed.

"Parker," I whisper.

"Yeah Jenny?" He answers.

"Please don't leave me again. Not tonight. Not tomorrow. Not ever. Just stay," I tell him.

"I'll try my best." He gives me a small smile and I return it with a weak one.

"Parker?" I repeat.

"Yes Jenny?" He sounded a bit annoyed.

"I miss you."

"I miss you too," he echoed.

"No you don't get it. I have missed you ever since that night. And I've hated myself for what happened between us. And I don't want to go back to that. I miss you Parker Brookes and I want you back," I explain softly. I closed my eyes. That's enough for one night. I told him what I have wanted to tell him for the longest time. I stretched back out to how I normally sleep. And that is with one hand under the pillows and my other resting on the pillow above my head. Even though I was slowly falling asleep I could hear Parker's breathing become slow and steady. Then I felt his hand next to mine. And I grabbed it. I wrapped my fingers around his, just as we did two years ago at every sleepover we had.

Because this night was just like one of those sleepovers. The only difference this time around was that I loved him. Really loved him. All I hope is that one day he will realize that. But that day can wait because now, I need to focus on this day, or night, whatever time of day it was because this is the best thing that has happened to me in a long time.
☂
I got really emotional while writing this chapter. I'm not even going to lie. Like yeah. Hope you all like the book.
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