Only One

Chapter Three

[edited]
Once I was back inside I turned my lamp lights on and plopped down on my bed. There was some light in my room. It wasn't bright like it would be with all the lights on. There was only a faint glow. I liked it this way at night. It was relaxing. I grabbed my laptop and sat at the head of my bed. I fell into all my pillows, but quickly adjusted to it. Once I was logged in I went to my future college's website. I haven't done it yet, but I figured looking into it early would be the better thing to do. I had my earbuds plugged into my iPod, but I turned the volume down so it wasn't all the way up. The rain started to come down the minute after I got back inside. It was coming down in sheets, but after a while it dialed down to a drizzle. Lightning flashed every couple of minutes and the loud claps of thunder made me jump every single time.

The campus of the collage was really nice. I think I'll like it there. The dorm rooms had two beds, one bathroom, a mini fridge, a nice forty-eight inch TV with a couch and coffee table, a fairly large desk for each person and there was even a balcony on some of the rooms. It looked super nice. I was really excited. Then I looked at the clubs I could join. There were a lot of things I was interested in. It made me want to leave right now, but I knew I couldn't. I close the laptop and set it to the side. I didn't want to sleep, but I didn't know what else to do. I had a good size of a TV mounted on my wall. I could find something to watch. So that's what I do. I turn off the lamps that were on, take out my earbuds, and decided to watch Paranormal Activity.

All of a sudden it got really hot in here, so I opened all of my windows. It cooled down immediately after which I was thankful for. Halfway through the movie I wanted to stop. I am the worst person to watch horror movies with because I get scared so easily. It was a good thing my mom was gone this week for a work convention. She had to go to out of state for this meeting. She's one of the head doctors at the hospital she works at and the pay is great. She's away from home a lot, but I don't mind because I don't see her very often as it is. If she was home though, she would have yelled at me by now. I have shouted and screamed at the TV so much that she would have kicked me out by now.

As much as I love my mom, I'm really pissed at her for abandoning me like she has. Sure she still lives with me, but she doesn't do anything. I try my hardest to get her out of the house and do something with me, but she doesn't. I've talked to her doctor so many times before, but she hasn't recommended anything. Not yet at least. She told me that with how long my mom has been acting like this it would be hard to get her up and going again. I was at a dead end with my mom. She hasn't even come to one of my softball games. She didn't even go to my high school graduation. I understand that she is grieving, but it has been a year and it is time to start her life again. I mean, I never stopped living mine. Sure I was lost for a while and was a total and complete mess, but I'm okay now. Really I am.

The stress kills me all the time though. I mean, I have to juggle with softball and home. I'm also trying to find a summer job before I leave. It's hard I'm not going to lie. And when you have no one you can trust with your problems it makes things even harder. At this point Ryan is my closest friend, but he hasn't matured to the point where I can trust him with the things I'm going through. I turned my attention back to the movie and screamed. I rubbed my eyes and took a deep breath. "It's just a movie Jenny. Calm down," I said aloud to myself. I looked out the window and saw that Parker's lights were still on. He was looking up probably because he heard me scream. He was definitely staring at me. There was nothing else to stare at this early in the morning.

I stared back and tried to focus on him. It was hard to see out of the rain streaked windows, but I figured out a way. I could see his brown hair messed up like it always was. I know you can't see the color of his eyes from here, but since I knew his eye color I knew that his grey eyes were focused. I looked to the side and found that his walls were now a dark blue. I could see posters on his walls, but I couldn't make out what they were of. Parker is big on soccer unlike Ryan who is big on baseball. The last time I have been in Parker's room his walls were grey. He never had a theme for his room. It was always one color and then decorated in different soccer posters and pictures with friends.

My room was a light green with white chevron on the bottom half of the wall. Then I had black furniture and a green comforter that was a little more darker than the walls. I have a window seat too. Then I have one wall with pictures of friends, family, softball wins, and funny moments with the the team. I even have the pictures with Parker still on my walls. I don't know why I haven't taken them down. I guess they were just too good of memories erase. I wonder if Parker still has pictures of us in his room. I guess I would never know because we don't talk anymore. I haven't been in his house in years.

I pushed all of the thoughts about Parker and my mom to the back of my head and tried to finish my movie without getting too scared.