All Of Me

Chapter Eight

Nicholas takes my hand and we walk past my old teacher's table. What is he going to do now?

- "Gabriella! Gabriella: " I hear a familiar voice say. I turn around and there she sits. My old teacher from High School. She is the one who told how worthless I really was when I was younger. I have tried to avoid this situation for a long time. Nicholas is still holding my hand and walk towards my old teacher. "Is that you?" She says, getting up from her table to hug me. I can feel my tears almost flow down from my cheek. I'm way too stiff. It's as if nothing has been said or done.  "God, what a pleasure to see you! What are you doing nowadays? "She asks. I have not seen my old teacher for more than 7 years, she looks exactly the same as before. Her blonde messy hair and her way of looking very formal dressed. I can't get a word out. What should I say? What should I say? I didn't think I would have to answer this question especially from her. Nicholas holding his hand against my waist. It's like he is showing his support this way. If he only knew how hard this is for me.

- "Oh, I'm sorry it's been a long day for Gabriella. She is studying and working at the same time, she is a busy woman. " Nicholas says in SWEDISH. Oh, his English accent in Swedish. My heart is melting. I love how he tries to say the Swedish words perfectly. My old teacher smiles. But I just want to walk away from there. I should not be here standing next to my teacher. My teacher standing there waiting for my answer. Whatever I say now I know how useless I really am in her eyes. She maybe just a teacher but she was an adult that could protect me from it all. It's not even worth it. I stand here and try to convince her that I'm a good person. But I already know what a journey I have done.

- "I study law in Stockholm" I answer. Her eyes gets bigger, she haven't count on that.

- "Yes, Gabriella shows a big commitment to human dignity and humans rights," I hear Nicholas say. Oh, no. He tries to get her to understand how wrong she was.

- "Oh, I didn't imagine that " she says, smiling. Yes, she is so stupid for real. And with those words, I realize that I have to go. I can't stay here and try to convince her that I'm smart and that I'm good enough. Nicholas stands besides me and smiles. I don't know what he is trying to do.

- "Nice to see you, but we must go," I say and turn around and walk out. I can see Nicholas in the corner of my eye how shocked he becomes when I walk away. I walk quickly down the stairs, and out through the glass doors and then I rush out.

-"Gabriella!" I hear Nicholas shout. I turn around. He walks towards me. "What's wrong?" He asks, looking into my eyes.

- "Wrong? What you think? "I answer. I can't hide my anger for what has happened now and in the past, and my anger towards my old teacher and him.

- "Because we talked to your old teacher? "He asks. I nod.

- "I didn't want it" I say loudly and feel my anger everywhere becoming stronger.

- "What? I don't t understand, Gabriella. What's wrong?" he continues. I don't know if he's playing dumb or he maybe don't really understand this. I throw up my hands in the air and turns my back towards him, ready to walk away. He grabs my arm.

- "I can't, Nicholas. You will not understand, no one understands. Why should I prove something to  everyone else that I'm good enough? " I shout and see how uncomfortable he is in this situation. 

- "Goddamn you are working and struggling for human dignity and justice, why not give yourself some  justice" he says, yes, he is pissed off as I am. 

- "Why? You don't even know me. The last thing I need to do is to prove to them that I'm not at all what they said and thought of me before." I reply, and I can't calm myself down now. He grabs my arm and pulls us aside. We are in a small alley, no one will hear or see us now. 

- "Don't say that. I may not know you that well, Gabriella. But I know you enough to care about you" he says. This is serious. He presses me against the wall. Now we here again, eye to eye. Now I can't help myself. He slowly gets much closer towards me. Right as it is, he takes hold of my hand and kiss me. My hands caress his face and he takes his hand on my hip. I can feel how desperate he is for the intimacy. My anger is gone. His soft lips kisses mine. It's more than a kiss. But right as it's he gets stiff. He pulls aside his lips and back a few steps.

- "I can't, Gabriella, I can't do this," he says. I don't understand. What's that he can't do? He sure as hell is a good kisser. "I'm bad" he says. Oh, perfect. He doesn't want me, I've been given the wrong signals. I can feel my eyes starting to fill with tears, oh no not again. I'll look down at the ground. He had enough of me. But he says he cares, ask me out to dinner and give me compliments, why can't  he do this? I go my way. I feel how he grabs my arm. "Gabriella, please don't go," he says. Huh, does he wants me or not?  I feel how my tears fall onto my cheek. I have met this man two times and he has already turned upside down on my world. It was always obvious that he really didn't want me. I mean look at me. I sob and he tries to wipe away my tears with his lovely fingers. "Gabbie" he says, trying to show that he cares, which he really don't. 

- "No! Stop it! "I scream and I shove off his hands. 

- "Gabriella, please," he says and grabs my hands. 

- "No, stop it. Leave me alone "I say, and pull my hands through my hair. It feels like someone has taken my hopes about this and shattered it like glass. Whatever I hoped what this would be. He tries to hug me and I push him away. 

- "Leave me alone. Is this what you do to everyone? Get the girls to go out with you and then just take advantage of them. Why are you doing this? I thought you cared" I say, and now I'm angry. I wipe away my tears. I see how he looks down at the ground, he is hurt. 

- "Gabriella, it's not what you think," he says and looks at me. 

- "But tell me then. "I scream. 

- "I can't" he says, and I see how his anxiety grows. 

- "All right. Then this is clear. I know where you go for now. Thanks for your help and the dinner. Goodbye Nicholas", I say, and go my way. 

He says nothing and I don't hear him walk after me. Now it's for real. My measly hope that I had is now gone because of him. Maybe I'm too naive but this man has caused me to hope and realize the things that I haven't even done in my 22 years of life. Now I know what he can do. Probably he takes out girls like me who are hoping for that "more" and then crushes them like glass. Even if that kiss felt like something I never felt before, this is bad. I can't help feeling useless. . I may be naive but I've never felt like this. This would be the beginning of a love story and is already over. I thought he was like the prince in fairy tales, but he's the guy that tricks the girls. He such an ass, that's what he is. Feel fooled, Gabriella Johnson.