All Of Me

Chapter Eleven

I don't know how to react, I don't understand. What does he mean by that. It sounds horrible, or I don't even get it. It's like everything has stopped, the time, the world and my mind. 

- "Gabriella, say something, baby please" says Nicholas and walks forward to me. I back a few steps. Should I be beware myself, should I be afraid of him? I mean, I don't know what he can do. He is not the same Nicholas I thought he would be. "Please, Gabriella" he says and grabs my hand and hold me in his arms. My feelings are about to gush over right now, because I know that this hasen't anything good to come with. Fuck. How can he like all this, and bring me here. What did he even thought? That I would say okay and make him tie me up? Maybe I should go, I should runaway. He still holds me hard, he will not let me go. I look at him and he looks at me. Why should it be so unfair. Once I meet someone that's seems to be good, and then he says something like this. My fucking luck.

- "Gabriella, say something, please baby" he says, holding me tighter. I will stop breathing soon. I promise. I'll look down at his chest and let my hand rest on his breast. I then lean my head on his chest. There we are. I can't express myself. I don't know what I should feel. Can I judge him over that? I don't even know. 

- "Nicholas, I-I don't know what I should say," I hear myself say, trembling and nervous. I'm honestly afraid of Nicholas. What can he do to me that makes him so dangerous. But, at the same time I feel something for him. Like, I know he has empathy and emotions which he of course denies.  

- "Will you sit down?" He says, I nod. He let go of me, taking my hand and we walk towards his very enlarge gray sofa. I sit down and I feel dizzy, I'm going to faint, I can't do this. Maybe I should blame  that I got my period or something? I mean if he wants to have that hard tied up sex with me ... hard ... What does he even mean by that? Hard?

- "How are you?" asks Nicholas and sits down next to me and put up his arm on the couch and jumps closer to me. He really cares, or he sees how fucking shocked I am. I don't know, this is so fucked up. 

- "Shocked." I answer and look down on the couch. I'm scared and I feel how my shoulders goes up, I always do it  when I feel uncomfortable in a situation. Damn, he will notice this. 

- "I understand it" he says and grabs my hand, he is holding it. I look at him and he on me. He does not let his gaze on me. 

- "I-I don't know what to say," I say. I tremble, my voice trembles and I know I should walk away from here. Or should I stay? No.

- "Gabriella, it's not as bad as you may believe" he says, holding my hand harder. He looks at me. I don't know what he thinks. He seems, quite frankly, completely uncaring right know. MAY BELIEVE? He told me just a few minutes go how bad he was, and know he says not as bad? This is bad, he is the word bad. 

- "What is it then?" I ask and now it's eye to eye. I deserve some kind of explanation. Should I stay or go. Nicholas, now it's up to you. I want a explanation of all this, I want him to tell me. I want to know who he really are.

- "That what it is, I told you! I don't know how to explain it more." he says and pulls away his hand and pulls his hands through his face. Oh, this is bad. 

- "Nicholas"  I say out loud, oh, I need to know. His hands fall down on the couch and his eyes becoming icy, I don't recognize him. Where is my Nicholas? Or I forgot, he was never mine. He takes a deep breath, oh no. 

- "I don't have relationships or emotions because it's nothing for me. I want to have that sex, I just a bad guy fucking in a bad way. It's simple, I like to keep it simple. No questioning, no emotion, nothing. " He says. 

- "You only fuck?" I hear myself say. Ah! Why should I be so damn stupid. Of course he does.  

- "Beware the language, Miss Johnson! Yes, I do."he says, and his jaw is tense. Oh, well done Gabriella, now he's mad. I don't think you really want him to tie you up. 

- "So no girlfriends?" I ask and this time I dare to actually look at him. 

- "I told you so. It's nothing for me " he says, and puts his arm on the couch. 

- "Why?"  I ask and now I don't feel as scared anymore. I have to stand up for myself. I need to know, at least I got the right to know. 

- "I've never had to see or respond to emotions before. There for, emotions and  girlfriends is nothing for me" he says. What is he trying to say. I got the wrong signals? Damn, I should probably go. I get up from the couch and I walk around it, Nicholas rising quickly from the couch. I stop and I try to calm myself. I don't if it's the wine that makes me mad or that I actually thought he liked me. 

- "Gabriella, please!" He says, taking long strides towards me. He holds my hand and he put his forehead against mine.

- "I must go," I say and I close my eyes. I will never see this man again, never. He wants something that I will not be able to cope. I'm sentimental, he is stupid. We would be the worst couple ever, or wait we would never be a couple. The anger begins to rush into me.

- "Stay here with me, don't go please. I can't stop thinking about you" he says and looks into my eyes. He stands closer to me. 

- "No!" I say, and  take a few steps back and my hands fly up in the air. "You need me because you want to fuck girls like me hard. That's why you brought me here so you could get a fuck and being pleased. You know what, I'm not into that tied up sex or what ever you are into. I will go home now." My voice is not low when I speak to him. Nicholas opens his eyes and suddenly lowers his hand. What, did I say something wrong?

- "Miss Johnson, I said beware your language, I mean it ... Otherwise," he says, and as soon as he says it his eyes gets tense.

- "Otherwise what? Threaten me? Tie me up? And, please, do not call me "Miss Johnson". If you forgot my name it's Gabriella" I say and turn around to grab my bag. I feel someone grab my arm. I turned towards Nicholas. I look at him and he is not happy. He is furious. Oops, what have I done now? He take a step closer to me.

- "Gabriella, unless you beware your mouth, I will fuck you from here to eternity, I mean it." he says, and he means it. Wow, what's going on. He shakes his head, and looks into my eyes like the Nicholas I know. The Nicholas I kissed in the kitchen. Those blue eyes looks at me gently and not tense at me. Just like a human being. "You do something to me, I can't explain it. Stay with me, please." he continues.  I look into his eyes. He lowered his hand, not me this time. He isn't the strong man that I though he was. He needs me, maybe I should trust his word or just go away with it. He stands infront of me and he looks at me. "Just be my company, we can talk or whatever" he continues. That's him. But it's like the alcohol has kicked in my with one more strike or I just can't take my thoughts away from him. Because if the honest truth is coming out, I want him. I want to feel his lips against mine. I want to feel his embrace. All that, I just want to feel. I know. It's the wrong thing to think of after the man that makes your legs weak tells you he fucks in a sort of bad way. But I don't need to do that. I just want to kiss him, just for a last time. Just for a last time. I throw myself on him and our lips meet. He haves his arms around me. What's going on with me? What does he do to me, I've never been like this. I put my hands on the side of his face and he is so wonderful. His lips are so soft, and I just imagine that he really needs me. Right as it is, he takes me up from the floor and he carries me, just like that. What? I  cry out, what is he doing? But we don't stop kissing, he tries to walk. I hear he opens a door and enters a room. He puts me down. We stop kissing and I look at him. He rests his forehead against me and breathe as he ran several miles. He looks at me and pulls me closer to him.

- "Jesus, fuck, Gabriella, What are you doing to me?" he says and gives me the most passionate kiss ever. What are this man doing with me?