All Of Me

Chapter Twenty-nine

I wake up feeling like I got the hangover from hell. I lie in Nicholas bed, he is not there. Wait what? He didn't want to be with me anymore? Or sleep next to me? I get up and put on my gray silk robe and walk out to the living room, I go to the living room and I see Nicholas sitting there with his head on his knees and his hands on his forehead, he is frustrated. I walk towards him and I sit beside him on his couch. He lifts his head up and looks at me. His eyes show me sadness, I can tell that his been crying. He has been sitting here by himself and cried? What?  I sit closer to him and put my hand on his thigh. We say nothing to each other for several minutes. 

- "Everyone I love has left me. My father who I always admired when I was a kid left me. I remember that day so well, he said we'd go to the park and eat ice cream, I was so happy, because we didn't do that often. He rather want to sit at home, taking his drugs and fuck some hoes. But when he looked into my eyes and I looked at his drug-filled eyes he said, 'Wait here.' It hurts here, " Nicholas said, and put my hand on his heart. "I don't want you to leave me. I was terrified to tell you about the move. At the same time, I saw it as a chance for us to take a big step together. You can get a job there, and your parents can come over or we can go to Sweden, just tell me what you want and I'll fix it. I can't live without you, I can't. You have no idea how much I love you. Words can't describe my love for you. I love you "says Nicholas and looks at me. I, I don't know what to say. He has never been this open about his childhood until now. It's something that made ​​him say that, maybe he trust me? One thing is for sure he really wants me to move with him. I sit in Nicholas lap and caresses his cheek. "I called your parents when you where out to that bar. I told them that I have to move back to London and I want you to come with me and that this move means more job opportunities for you and  it will be a big step for our relationship, "says Nicholas and I just gape. He did what? Oh, my God. What should I do with him? AAAH! I can't believe it! Why did he do that? I don't really need their approval. I can't. 

- "What did my parents say?" I say, just staring at him. 

- "They agreed with me, they think it would be good for you. I even told them about what happened at the restaurant with you panic attack, they said it may be a good opportunity for you to get away a little and get some perspective on everything. Your parents love you and I know that it would make them even more sad to see you unhappy, "says Nicholas and puts his arms around me. He's right. My parents are right. They would feel bad if I was unhappy, I'm happy with Nicholas. I, I need to trust myself, I deserve this. That what it is. I had keep telling myself that I'm so afraid of what my parents and friends would think. They just want the best for me. I keep telling me lies. I deserve this, and I need this. I need Nicholas more than ever. I have to stop doing this to myself. 

- "Okay then. London here we come" I say and when I say those words, the tears of joy comes from me. This is what I want. I listen to my heart now, and not the ghosts in my head. This is what I want.  Nicholas pulls me close and kisses me on the cheek. He then wipe away my tears with his thumbs. 

- "Oh, Gabriella. This is going to be great." he says, and just hold me in his arms. This is a big step for us, but I know we will get through this, I know it. This will go well, I need this and so does he.

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Just this morning, I've never seen Nicholas so happy,  I am also happy. Of course it was deep inside me that I really wanted to move, I have to do it because I want to. I have to listen more to myself and to my heart. It's something new because I have always been taking care of others, because it was like that for me growing up. I got bullied, if I had to thinking of what my heart would said I wouldn't have the fighting spirit. I did get through it but it's taking a lot, but now I have to understand that I need to listen to my heart. Because I deserve it.  I put my hair in a ponytail and I'm wearing a white short-sleeved blouse and a pair of jeans shorts, it's summer, I have to take advantage of that opportunity. I go to the kitchen I see Nicholas sit there with his MacBook Pro. He lifts his eyes from the computer to me and when I approach him he takes the hold of me as I sit on his lap.

- "Shorts? I never seen you in shorts. You have beautiful legs" he says and touches my legs. I'm not tall, not at all. I'm very short, but why wouldn't I wear shorts because I'm not tall enough? That's stupid. 

- "What are you doing?" I ask and I look at him. He smiles. 

- "I just looking at what the british media is gossiping about me" he says. Excuse me? Nicholas likes gossip? I can't imagine, I start to giggle. 

- "Gossip?" I say while I giggled. 

- "Yes, Gabriella gossip. You know that the British media is completely insane. I promise when we move to London, the paparazzi will be all over us and the first page will be like 'Who is Mr. Garnett's incredibly hot girlfriend' " he says, and starts to kissing my neck, but it makes me giggle even more. But he stops for a while and looks at me. 

- "Do you really get chasing by paparazzi??" I say. Is he serious? I mean, sure, I guess he was known for his work, but celebrity, well, I don't know.  I'm quite afraid of that kind of stuff. I don't want to be in a gossip magazine. 

- "Haha, I'm not Michael Jackson. It's not something I aspire to, but the British media likes to write about me, that's for sure " he says, smiling. 

- "When are we going to move?" I ask. I don't know if I want the answer to that question but I have to admit that I looking forward to the move a little bit... 

- "Hm.. I'm needed in London as quickly as possible, so in a couple of days we both should be in London, but you can come later if you want. I have to go on Sunday to prepare for everything, I want you there as quickly as possible." he says. Everything became so much more serious now. Can I really just packing all my stuff and just move? My parents liked it, Felicia too. But, it's not that I just leave everything and don't come back? I'm going to visit.And England and Sweden aren't that far away to each other. 

- "I can go home today and start packing, so I can go to London on Monday." I say. Nicholas smiles to me. 

- "That would be great, then you will see our apartment. By the way, I've fixed your resume, so it's just for you to start contacting companies when you get there, but first, you might just want to settle down, I understand that this is pretty big for you, because it's for me too "he says. Oh, this man. I sit still in his arms for a while. Oh, just three days left, then I will be moving to London with my sex god to boyfriend. Shit. Gabriella, you're one lucky woman...