Dear Diary...

august 3

Goodmorning. It's like 8:57 right now I probably woke up early 8 I just tried to see if I could rest a little longer. today I woke up happier kinda. I'm able to smile a little -but I definitely still miss you that's not something thats gonna change-. But I didn't wake up over thinking at all. I had a nice little dream about us which was nice. I think I'm getting like 7-9 hrs of sleep within the pass two nights and that's great. I'm not gonna lie though it's really difficult not to talk to you. And I slipped into some music to try not to overthink too much yesterday but it backfired and just made me sad. So I changed it up. And I just didn't really listen. I washed my hair and left it out to dry I should have taken pictures of it to show you but I didn't which sucks butt. It looked okay though.

Anyways I'm just gonna keep doing some soul searching. And I hope you feel the energy I'm sending you to be as strong as possible. If you kiss her again or if you end up doing inappropriate things with her I'd definitely be disappointed but I wouldn't really be able to be mad because out of anger I said go do it. I know that you love me and I definitely hope for forever with you, but just in case something changes your mind at least I'm not holding you back from it.

It's now 6:09pm I'm on my break at work and I just wanna go to my bed. I cried in front of people like an idiot and now I'm alone and mad that I did that. I know I'm bound to feel this way for a little while but this is too long and it's pissing me off. The things I've thought about so far aren't much because once I got to work I just threw myself into it. I'm likely to write more before I go to bed so hopefully I learn something. I will say I had a brief moment where I could just smile.

Funny I just learned something. 6:15pm. I'll always make mistakes and wish that I can take them back but some of the stories that are written in my history make me truly happy. the ones that are bad will burn in hell after I'm long gone. I have to live in the now. Not tomorrow or yesterday just right now.

Have you ever wished to have sex with her. Unless that's already happened?

Okay it's like 12:39am and I have yet to sleep but that has nothing to do with this situation I'm just not trying to go to bed on purpose. Why I have no idea because I definitely feel tired. I think I'm gonna stop fighting it now. On to the next day even though its the next day already.