Dear Diary...

september 16

I'm not much of a writer or anything but hey why not give it a shit today. So far the day is pretty stupid And I'd love to go back home and get in bed. I'm not up for it. It's Sunday I hate Sunday. I just wanna go and hyphenate. I wanna throw up like some lady did on the bus preventing me from getting to work. I wanna scream and yell along with a bunch of other things. I need to burn more paper.

I wanna move on so bad yet I cannot at least not currently. Everything sucks. Sundays suck. Loneliness sucks, kissing you sometimes just sucks. I mean don't get me wrong. Kissing you is great but what I think after not so much. I don't wanna hold this against you. I don't plan to. But for now I'm gonna hurt. Real bad. I already cried due to loneliness which caused me to think and to think of bad things.

I'm sorry that I debate whether or not I wanna stay sometimes. But you gotta see this from where I'm coming from. I wanna continually love you but sometimes I cannot be with you in order to do that.

Sometimes I cannot sleep because I start thinking. Or I wake up thinking and I just wanna cry.

I got broken. And a lot of me has died. I'm only clinging on by a thread and I don't have the slightest of ideas who's gonna come and cut that cord.

It happened before so I cannot say it wouldn't happen again.

I don't wanna apologize for how I feel but sometimes I think I need to so you don't give me a whole butt to kiss. I don't wanna do that unless it's voluntary. Can I just give you up. You aren't a hobby, or a job. But you're making me beg for mercy and I just wanna be free.

maybe no physical attachment is what we need. I wouldn't be happy but at least I wouldn't have to put all these thoughts in my head. Granted I still probably will. This shit really sucks babe. Imagine how you'd feel.

Starting to fill up with tears and they wanna come out. Sometimes I just wanna get hit by something that will knock me unconscious for a little while and wake up forgetting you and everything along with