Dear Diary...

august 8

It is currently. 1:24am and this headache is gonna make me scream. ::I tend to complain a lot without solutions. I know I could take medicine and make this go away but I don't wanna take medicine.:: I know that I can be really rude to you at times and that makes you think less of me. I can't blame that on anyone but myself. And I definitely just want you to be happy. Whether that be in the land of Earth or just with Catalina or anyone for that matter. I love you for all of your gloriousness. For all of your faith in me. And if I have to give it up it'll hurt but at least someone else would get to see how amazing you are. A week ago I was hurting in the moment but nevertheless I didn't mean to hurt you physically or mentally. I didn't mean to make you feel bad at all. Nor should I have assumed that you didn't based on the misinterpretation of your words. I should have taken into consideration how you must have felt. There definitely should have been a more in-depth conversation instead of me just trying to shake it off when it obviously still effected me in some way. I see the signs and I shall no longer be blind to my aggression. I need to face the fact that not everything is perfect and you get what you give even if not right away. I won't say that this is my karma anymore because its kinda obvious but then again it just may be the world working how it wants to, to get us to pull apart from each other. We're trying to get away from all of this and I hope 20 months goes by quicker than these 3 weeks because bear I'm so over it. Yet I suggested it and it's for greater purposes. I love you again and you're on my mind with every passing day. I'll be back when I wake up again. Goodnight Papa
                     Love yours truly, Sage.

It's 8:11am and I just walked/ran around the park for 30mins and my legs my legs I'm really out of shape. I'm feeling happy though so that's a plus I keep laughing it's just too funny. It feels good I'm sweating so I know I did something right. It would be nice to do something like this with you. Because alone it's not so fun. I like that I can physically challenge myself not only in the aspects of waking up to do so but actually putting on the clothes to do it. Because if you cannot do that you cannot do anything. I'm gonna keep trying to prove myself wrong and show that I am amazing and beautiful in all ways. I don't need to prove anybody else wrong but myself.

Today was pretty okay but I feel like giving up I'm over this 3weeks thing. I just wanna show up at your door and have you give me a huge hug. It's getting harder and easier all at once harder to be without you but easier to notice my flaws harder to be around my negative thoughts and Easier to be around all my positives harder to not be able to ask you all the questions I need answers to. I love you bear.