Dear Diary...

september 18

I'm in the bathroom its like 12:30 I just wanna say it's been two months since my birthday. I also wanna say I'm tired and I'm hella mad obviously 🙄🙄

6am: if this is what loving you feels like I don't wanna love anymore. If this is how you claimed to love me I don't want it at all. I'm not much of a person to judge. And at the end of the day if I cannot be seen as Sage. The half of us and not sage the lost and confused and needing of validation. I don't wanna be seen at all. I give you my everything. At least I have been lately and I'm getting not much of anything. I can breathe which is a blessing but who honestly wants to breathe with a heart that's basically breaking more and more everyday.

I said I wanted all the bad things gone I lit up my problems and thought it was all good to move on I guess not. I don't know if you expected me to delete it or something but I'm not. It's my identity. you have yours. I don't need it to cope. I chose it to express hurt and pain. If you don't like it. I can't help you.

I've just let you say things and do things. More contradictory things. No more about Sage. No more about us and we. Or you. So sick of how things can happen one way and not the other. So tired of being the best thing to blame when things go wrong. All of my mistakes will never amount to yours because you told me you loved me and I believed you. Maybe I shouldn't have💔. You told me you'd never hurt me. Or look at something/someone else yet you did plus some. I can not breathe. Or maybe I just don't want to.

No matter how many times I try to convince myself that you love me I just don't feel it anymore. I want to but I cant find your heart. I feel like today will be the longest of days. I'm still coming to see you tomorrow but I don't know my brain nor my body can handle any of this type of pressure. If you're gonna go hate me forever and do all these childish things. By all means show me who you really are.

Is your soul what's keeping you here because if it is I don't want it. I don't want you. I need happiness always not happiness sometimes. All this has become is smoking, having sex, feeling alone when I'm with you. I'm distant. because you aren't here.

text message: I don't know if you're mad at me or something. But I don't know why you blocked me and unfollowed our page.. I wasn't hiding it from you. And I wasn't trying to. at the end of the day I don't know where you've been these last couple of days but it isn't really with me. And if you don't wanna be just say the words. There's not really any visible reasons for you to be upset about it. Unless you wanted me to verbally tell you that it was there. If you're feeling some way towards me just say so. can't really deal with more heart breaking right now.

You made me cry you little dick having ass. You're fucking lucky I love you. My pain isn't 100% gone but suck on that 💔

It's been better days but at least we aren't fighting ✌🏾