Okay so. If I'm being quite honest, I just feel anxiety. I'm not feeling super negative at all but then again it's like 2 am and I have to be leaving in 12 hours to get to work. My tummy feels funny when I start to think about seeing you. but I have no negativity in my heart towards you I'm just hoping that the situation happens positively whatever may happen. If we stay together I'm just gonna have to be more cautious of things and if not. I'll say my one last goodbye and keep all of your things because why the hell not right. I've cried twice within these past 3 weeks and I've learned enough about myself to know that I'm not at all a negative being. That's why I don't wanna be me for a while. She comes with a lot. I've been in a state where I can have all the fear in my head but no longer think of the little things that could possibly effect me in a negative light. I think of you in positive lights and all the good things you have done because I'm no longer gonna let your past define you future as well as for myself.
I still complain a lot but I'm definitely aware.
I still have very bad anxiety due to my brain but I know how to get a hold on it.
I just have to keep breathing. For now I will go to sleep and I'll be back in the morning
I ended up sleeping at 3something.
It is currently almost 9 am and I woke up with the anxious feeling in my tummy. I'm definitely not understanding it😩
There's just a mental bridge I wanna jump off of and float without worries. I'm definitely over the unnecessary stress that I cause myself. this isn't high school anymore and I'm not afraid of people and I'm damn sure not afraid of you. I'm just nervous for the simple fact that things can go both ways like I don't want anything negative to take place but shit it if does it does the best I can do is breath before I speak.
Today wasn't bad at all I smoked for the first time because I couldn't take the anxiety anymore like I had it all morning and it pissed me off. I got caught oh well though. I was just super tired once I left for work I was tired there as well. There's just a lot b. I guess I've calmed down so thanks for texting me.
See ya in the morning. Likely freaking out.(no longer really scared)
YOU ARE READING
Dear Diary...
Romancethis i my diary with some names changed and or left out completely. judgment free zone. I just need sage and I'd be great. feel free to ask questions or leave kind words in the comments and vote if you can relate or want me to continue.
