Dreamer | Jung Hoseok [Discontinued]

Twenty Five

"You said you were done with this," Yikyung started. "so why is this in your room?"

"'YG entertainment audition'poster, really?" Heeji handed the audition poster to Yikyung and sighed. "And what was all those on your laptop?"

"I don't know how it got there." I said and pursed my lips into a thin line, my eyes flicking towards anything but my roommates.

"Sua, those were songs that are only on your laptop and no where else. Do you actually think we'll believe you if you say it just happened to be there?" Yikyung stated.

"Okay, first of all, I made those songs when I was, what? Fifteen? And second, you two are not supposed to even enter a foot in my room without my permission!" I retorted.

"That's not the problem here, Sua-ah." Heeji said, her eyes saddening. "Admit it, you still didn't completely give up like you said so two years ago!"

I inhaled sharply, annoyed.

"So what, huh!?" I snapped. "It's not like I'd get in anyway! And this isn't any of your business. So you two can lay off my life for once!"

"Sua." Yikyung called, sternly.

I snatched the poster from Yikyung's hand, nearly tearing it apart before running out the door and towards the stairs.

The old man from earlier was already on his way for another complaint of us shouting. Darn these thin walls. As soon as he saw me, he opened his mouth but I immediately cut him off from saying a word. 

"Shut up, old man!"

I stomp down the stairs while rolling the poster in my hands.

I stepped foot outside on the snow, the cold, chilly air greeting me. I shiver and walk to where ever my feet take me.

"Can't respect privacy." I muttered to myself, huffing in anger.

I brush the snow off the swing of the park and sat down harshly. I roll open the poster and stare at it intensely, my eyebrows knitted together.

"I shouldn't have taken this," I said. "why am I so stupid?"

My shoulders drop and I my eyes aimlessly gaze ahead, boringly. The reminded me of the stage Hoseok used to take me to and a small, hopeless smile formed on my face. I thought of how my goals were ridiculous.

 Looking at him properly, realizing what and who he is now, makes me question myself.

He was able to do it. Fulfill his dream. Why wasn't I? 

If those entertainment companies suspect me of being passionate about dancing or singing, they don't deserve me. That's what I have been telling myself.

No one supporting me to continue fighting. Hoseok and I had the same dream, yet only one of us was able to fulfill it. He had many people by his side, but I was alone. 

I shouldn't be feeling this way and should accept the fact that maybe I wasn't meant to be an idol.

I would be considered lying if I said it didn't hurt me whenever I laid my eyes on him, knowing how happy he is being what he wanted to. I knew he could do it.

I used to admire him at first. His abilities, his kind, cheerful and extra personality that boosted my own confidence. But now...I feel so empty, my stomach feeling sick. Not towards him, but towards myself.

I look up at the navy blue sky, only a few stars twinkling here and there. Of course there aren't many stars here in the city, back in Gwangju, the night skies were filled with beautiful stars.