You Saved Me From Myself ~YoonMinSeok~

Chapter 7: Pills

**Trigger warning: past abuse (verbal and physical), self hatred, lots of feels, mentions of self harm, and whatever other trigger warnings I should put down but didn't.**

*beep**beep**beep*

'What the-...'

The beeping of Yoongi's alarm interrupted his peaceful slumber.

*beep**beep**beep*

'Ughhh, ok, ok, ok, I GET IT. I guess I need to get up'

If it was Yoongi's choice, he would've thrown his alarm clock across the room. He understood that they had a schedule today so he opted to not be so violent with his alarm, instead settling with his unspoken hatred for the machine.

*beep**beep*

'Ughhh.'

Yoongi finally turned to his side and tried to reach over to turn off his alarm. Everything was still a little blurry because of his morning drowsiness, so he had a little trouble finding his alarm at first.

*beep**beep*

'I get it! Where is this stupid thing?'

Everything was still a bit blurry so in his rush to find his alarm, he didn't see the bottle of pills that rested on his bed table too.

It wasn't until Yoongi began patting down his bedside table like a mad man that he heard the familiar sound of the bottle.

This sound almost caused Yoongi to go flying back onto his bed, which would've happened if he didn't have the cast on.

'Oh my god. No. NO! '

Its been years since the last time he had taken a pill, and no one in the dorm knew why.

'Wh-wh-why, is th-the-there a pill bottle? No. NO. I thought I was finally done with the treatment! I thought I vowed to never let them give me pills again! What was all that time in therapy for? What was all that time I spent faking my happiness for? Why is it that every time I try to push away the pills, they just come back?'

'Flashback start'

   '"Morning Yoongi! How was your sleep?"' a voice greeted him as he sat at the dining table.

   'If he were being honest, his sleep was about the same as his other nights. Nonexistent. He remembers his struggle last night to fight his anxiety just for a few hours of sleep. He was only partly successful, earning a good hour or two.'

   'Despite this, no matter how tired he looked, how deep his eye bags were, he wouldn't admit to it. He wouldn't admit that he'd not been taking his pills.'

   '"It was good, mom." Yoongi replied quietly, gaze remaining focused on the dining table.'

   '"Well, that's good. Did you take the medication your doctor prescribed this morning?"'

   'And out came his incantation of fake answers, "Yeah." gaze still avoiding his mothers.'

   'After this was an awkward silence. Did he actually take his pill? No. Of course not. He hated them.'

   'He felt numb from reality whenever he took them. He felt numb to his issues. He felt as if his problems shouldn't matter anymore. He felt as if he could forget everything, when on the pills.'

   'And he hated that. He hated the idea of  a pill being able to alter his perception of reality and make it seem like the bad stuff just doesn't exist anymore. He thought it was such a naive way of thinking that every time he took the pill, he felt so much worse about himself.'