Eccentric ✓

Chapter Eighteen

Chapter Eighteen

Bill decided that if he was going to let himself do this, then he wasn't going to do it just for Oliver.

He had to do it for himself first. Which was why he was currently online, trying to find out if there were ways, illegal or not, to actually make him an omega. Surely there were surgeries and shit? Something like a scent alterer? If there was even the slightest possibility he could change his gender, he'd feel so much more comfortable telling Oliver. The thought alone had him trembling with a longing so deep it ached in his marrows.

Even if Oliver rejected him, it wouldn't matter as much because at least he'd be himself, the way he was meant to be.

I'm an omega. I'm an omega. I'm a fucking omega.

He hadn't managed to say the words out loud yet, but repeating them in his head made him feel so fucking validated.

His scent soured with frustration when his search came up with nil. Nothing. Not even a peep. Only several sites and message boards talking about how he was an abomination or what-the-fuck-ever. Had he looked at this a while ago, he might've regressed. But now he curled his nose up at the comments, because no one could tell him how he felt – who he was. He knew this was who he was deep down and biology couldn't dictate shit.

Sighing tiredly, he let the screen darken.

He nearly jumped out of his skin, heart thumping wildly when the precinct's toilet door came open. He waited with baited breath, until whoever had entered the toilet finished using it and left once more.

He probably shouldn't be doing this in the precinct. While he'd finally stopped denying himself, he wasn't ready for the world to know.

Only Oliver.

He was seeing Oliver tonight, and some part of him knew if he didn't tell him now, he'd probably never do it. Hence why he was panic researching in the bathroom during his break.

There has to be something.

Perhaps because of how obscure and hated it was, whatever support existed for weres like him was buried far down in the net? Because it didn't make sense that there wouldn't at least be a community of some sort, right? Or was it really just him? Was he really just a freak? Perhaps the other weres had admitted it to themselves that they were crazy and had settled for the gender they were assigned at birth. Was he faking it?

He scrubbed his hands over his eyes, hating himself, hating everything.

Maybe...maybe he was an alpha. Maybe he should just –

No.

The way his stomach sank, bile filling up in his throat, told him that his feelings weren't wrong. He wasn't wrong. If he stayed the way he was, he would never be happy.

Maybe he should settle for a scent alterer.

They were illegal, but they were the sort of illegal thing that were wildly spread, like underground drugs. He just had to say the right thing, meet the right people, and he'd find it.

His toes curled in his shoes, excitement swimming in his blood as he closed his eyes and imagined how it would feel to smell like an omega, even if it was just for a little while.