Fight

P. Thirty

LUNA
'Sissy! Sissy!' A high girls voice wakes me up. Why? I fell asleep like two seconds ago. I worked at dad's club last night. Bringing back memories, it felt like I've never left. I was 16 when I worked there, yes underage but that doesn't matter. I used to wear a shirt with "boss' daughter", so had Lola. Which scared or either challenged the boys, but I was in a relationship. I've always been loyal. Rose jumps on my bed. 'Be careful.' She starts to jump and then throws her body down.
'Are you coming down stairs?' I grab my phone to see the time. It's only 6 and I've slept like 4 hours. 'We're gonna bake a cake for Camilla.'
'You go, I'll be down in a sec.' I move my hand over her curls. She gets off my bed and leaves the room.

My chin resting against Camilla her head as she's asleep on my chest. I wanna sleep too. I wish I was still a little girl. Falling asleep in my daddy's arms. 'Guusje.' Lola gets me out of my thoughts. She's filming me so I smile. I press my lips against Cami her blond curls. She's going to be 2 years old tomorrow.
'Is Camilla asleep?' Monica asks me. I nod but then Camilla moves her head off my chest.
'Not anymore.' Monica her hand moves over her daughters head. 'I'll bring her to bed.' I get up from the couch.
'You sure?'
'Yeah I'm gonna take a shower and then get to bed myself.' Monica gives Camilla a kiss.
'Night girls.'

***

I hide myself more in my Toro Rosso jacket. I'm cold but I feel my cheeks glowing. It isn't even that cold, everyone else is wearing t-shirts. 'You're sure your able to drive tomorrow?' I nod answering my sister. She places the back of her hand on my forehead. 'You're glowing.' I move my head away from her hand.
'I'm gonna be fine tomorrow.' I've been sick for almost a week. It's close to the end, I feel it.
'You've lost weight Guusje.' I jump off the chair. Annoyed at my sister.
'I know, you don't need to tell me.' My clogs make loud noises when I hit the floor of the garage, stupid clogs. Quickly I take them off my feet, a deal with my girl friends. I leave the garage. Gelael is doing a great job. I feel the tears coming. I always get sick at the wrong time. And I never get that sick as I am now. Two time I've been sick already this year, which is so weird to me. Quickly I walk over to the motorhome. I just need to take a power nap, have a good night of sleep. I'm gonna rock the qualifying and the race. Yes I've lost weight this week. But I've been forcing myself to eat too, I've been working out. I throw the clogs on the ground in a corner of the small room. I wipe away the tear as I close the door behind me. I wanna yell, punch, break. Ahhh! I'm so angry. At myself. 'Mama please help me,' I say softly sitting down against the wall. My phone pings. It's Lola apologizing. Fuck her. A knock to my right before the door opens. An old bald headed man standing there. The person I need. Opa. I get up from the ground and hug him.
'It's alright, let it out,' he says when the tears start floating. His hand moving over my back.

Arm in arm my grandpa and I are walking over to the garage. I took a 30 minute nap on his leg. 'I'm gonna buy you something and you're gonna be the old Guusje in no time.' I smile.
'Deal.' My opa used to be a doctor when he was in the army, but he faked his own illness to get out of it because he hated it so much. The man were assholes to him.

'You've been sick since last week, you've lost some weight. How do you feel?' I nod. Press time.
'Alright. My opa gave some sort of miracle drink, it was gross as hell. Starting last tomorrow, it is what it is. I haven't trained so much lately, but I'm eating and focusing on training again. I'm getting there.' I only started to feel better this afternoon, qualifying was the worst I've ever did. I look at Daniel for a quick second who's talking to some different people.
'How do you think you're gonna do?' I move my shoulders up.
'Don't know. I don't think I'm gonna end up in the points to be honest. Not because we don't have the power in the car but because of me.' I trained whenever I could and felt strong last week, that wasn't often. But I had to train my arms and neck.
'Are you fully healed from you injuries from last race?'
'Concussion and arm are good again, my ribs still hurt from time to time so I'm wearing a compress when I'm the car. It helps.' He nods.
'Thank you.' I nod once and walk away.

My blue car is twirling, parts flying around in the air. I've watched my crash back multiple times. I had allot of interviews the days after, even things for American news. I smile at myself walking with difficulty, I didn't even know I was walking with so much trouble. My leg didn't even hurt so I have no clue why I'm walking like that. It's already 10.40 P.M. I really need to sleep. I lock my phone and place it on the night stand. I'm exited to step back in the car again.

'Luna let Daniil pass,' I hear through the radio. Let's pretend I didn't hear that. I defend my 16th spot. I earned it, I'm not just gonna give it to him. I don't even have to defend my spot, he is way behind me. 'Luna let Daniil pass,' I hear again. Ugh. Bullshit.
'Sorry my radio is doing weird I can't hear you that well.' I smile. This is bad. At least people at home are going to have a laugh.
'Swap places with Kvyat.' Why?
'Why do we need to swap? He's not faster than me. This is bullshit.' Is it a strategy they didn't discuss with me?
'Luna just do it.' What ever. I let Daniil pass me.
'Fuck you Daniil. There better be a good reason for it,' I say to myself out loud. 'He's driving soooo slow!' I brag through the radio. I'm such a brat, but I don't care. 'I'd love to have a talk with you after the race.' Pierre doesn't answer. But that's fine. I can easily get my place back again but I don't because shitty team orders. Daniil in front of me goes wide and starts to spin. 'Whoops well done buddy.' I giggle. I raise my thumb quickly. Maybe I shouldn't have done that, I did it before I thought; that happens sometimes. So what am I going to say through the radio? 'That was the strategy?' That wasn't so smart either. My brain is still a bit sick can't help myself.
'Luna shut up and focus.' Alrighty.

'Why did you had to swap places with Kvyat?' Federica asks. I shrug.
'No clue to be honest. Didn't really worked out though.' Daniil luckily did finished the race, but neither of us ended up in the points. I wish I had a better race but I still got my second home race in front of me.
'No it did not. Did you really had a problem with your radio?'
'Sorry what did you say?' The woman smiles.
'I see, I see. Italian GP next week are you exited?' I nod.
'Heck yeah I am. A special helmet design can't wait to show you guys. The fans are gonna be amazing they are always full with energy, I can't wait!'
'And your birthday on Wednesday.' I nod.
'I'm gonna hide al day.'
'Not a big fan of birthdays?' I shrug.
'I don't mind, it's just a little awkward when everyone is singing, I never know what to do.' And every time I think back to mom, who passed away a days after we were born, internal bleeding. She would've lived if she didn't give birth to us. For some reason I blame myself, even though I know I can't help it.