Dear Ashton » Ashton Irwin

✎ letter 18

January 16th, 2011

Dear Ashton,

There are things in this world that I thought I would never be capable of re-experiencing - that had already tragically slipped from my grasp. For one, I thought I'd never be able to relive my childhood again. With a dead father and an indebt mother, who ever thought that I would be able to experience something that had already disappeared?

And then you hopped along, and I guess it is safe to say that I was utterly wrong.

There are things in this world that cannot be taken back, but there is no harm in trying. Instead of letting it vanish completely, you try to bring back what is lost, and there is no harm in doing so. And it might not be the same thing, but I've learned that it's better to recreate memories than to carry regrets in the future.

You know, you have taught me so much in a matter of three weeks and I cannot be more thankful. There are feelings and emotions that I still have not learned how to cope with, but I'm breathing, I'm living, and I'm trying, and there's nothing in this universe that I'm more happy about.

But I wish I knew why you're going through the depths of helping me. And I know you are trying to help, I know that you want me to cherish the story we will create-however long it will be. That is what you're doing, and I don't know if it is because you think that I am fragile and broken or because you generally want to befriend me.

I don't know. And perhaps I am broken and fragile, and perhaps I am not. But whatever the reason, I hope that you are not doing this out of sympathy, because I have lived my life with others gazing down at me with sympathy when they knew nothing of me. And I cannot have you look at me that way as well, because you mean way too much to me.

And I cannot let you go as I did with the others.

Love,

Nova