January 8th, 2011
Dear Ashton,
I have always held up my barriers, the dark walls that couldn’t be broken, despite the jabs that have struck them. Maybe I am just simply strong — but we all know for a fact that I’m not. I’m not at all powerful because I’m almost as frail as an antique. I’ve always believed that I was the strongest girl in the world, for I didn’t burden those who surrounded me with my morbid fears. Perhaps in another notion, I could be considered resilient. But I’ve disappointed my own mind, because I’ve finally come to the conclusion that I’m more tenuous than I’ve once thought.
Laying on the beige couch in my living room, I was fiddling with a crappy novel on unpretentious love. I allowed my mind to drift into a different galaxy, filled with sputtering aliens and scenery. And in that moment, something snapped my realization.
To be strong, is not to be a fake — or may I say, carry a deceptive façade. And that’s what I’ve been doing all along.
On the other hand, you, too, have been carrying a harsh past. Your parents separated, and there you are, stuck in the midst of a divorce with your siblings. In spite of that, you’re so buoyant — so full of life and energy. You do whatever you want to do, without thinking of the risk. You take the chance, believing that our lives are way too short to be wasting precious time. You don’t have a complete family — there are only four of five. But that’s the thing, you have a fraction of a whole, but you are completed as you are.
Sure, you must get sad sometimes. Everyone does. It’s apart if our human nature — to have these emotions. But knowingly, you set your past aside, and focus on the present.
I can't do that. To set aside my past was to set aside my dad. It meant that he'd be forgotten in the endless amount of people we've lost and I couldn't possibly manage to do that — even until this day.
In the end, my thoughts have deceived me. How I wish I could be nearly as unyielding as you. But Ashton, I’m nowhere near powerful. Because it’s you, it’s always been you. You’re strong — oh fuck, you could even be considered the definition of strong. I could flip open the dictionary and your name would be plastered onto the flimsy paper: Ashton Irwin.
Maybe that’s what lured me to you — maybe not. But I guess we’ll never know.
Love,
Nova
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Dear Ashton » Ashton Irwin
Fanfiction[DISCONTINUED] ❝ A smile had always been etched across your delicate face, even though I knew you weren't happy. And maybe that's why I love you, for how you always managed to stay strong every single day. ❞ A compendium of love letters from...
