January 2nd, 2011
Dear Ashton,
I don't want to be tragically sappy and I don't want whatever our story is to be tragically sappy. I don't love you, Ashton. And that must sound horrendous; I don't love you. But it's the complete truth. I am just sixteen, but despite everything I just admitted, I do know that you make me happy.
I guess I scribble my unacknowledged beliefs onto a flimsy paper that will never be read. I devote myself into writing these letters that I will never give to you. But I don't care, because you matter me. I don't write these letters as an indication that you will eventually receive them. God, no. I write them because I want to salvage my source of happiness. I write these letters about you, because if one day, I were to forget what it's like to feel like I actually exist as a human being, then these letters give me the comfort of knowing that at a mid-point in my life, I knew what happiness was. It's a source of remembering.
And I'm not going to pretend that I love you because I know I don't. I am catastrophically infatuated with you, and there is a fine line between love and infatuation. It is obvious that there is going to be that one day when I just realize, hell I'm in love with this boy, and losing him is going to be one of the worst things I'll ever experience in my life.
I know that you might not be in my life forever. Hell, I know you're going to leave me because everyone will eventually lose the people who mean the most to them. But it's different with you. With most people, I just think, wow, I want you to leave as soon as possible because I don't want to grow attached to you to only be left alone in the end. I just want to get it over with, so the aftermath won’t be as intense. But with you, I think about all the possibilities and memories we are bound to create. And that's when I want time to slow down, so that I have to don't lose you as quickly as I expect to.
I do know that you aren’t forever, that this isn't forever, but at least our time period will be my halcyon.
Love,
Nova
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Dear Ashton » Ashton Irwin
Fanfiction[DISCONTINUED] ❝ A smile had always been etched across your delicate face, even though I knew you weren't happy. And maybe that's why I love you, for how you always managed to stay strong every single day. ❞ A compendium of love letters from...
