Letters For You

Prom (or what happened after)

Write about a moment that changed you                                                             Monday, October 9th,2017

By Emily Davis

Write about a moment that changed you. I am not going to talk about what you think I'll write about. I want to write something happy for once. I felt happy when I woke up this morning and I don't want to ruin my mood. Not that you ruin my mood. It's my memories of you that are mostly making me sad. It's thinking about the things we won't be able to do again that makes me cry or thinking about the things you will never have the chance to do. But we did this. We did this so often that it can't make me sad. I have so many memories of this that it can just make me smile. And if thinking about this makes me sad, then where am I going? Never be ashamed of what makes you feel good. Isn't that what you told me when you caught me dancing in my room to High School Musical? You even joined me. I was Gabriella and you were Troy. You wanted to be Sharpay though. You liked her style apparently. Let me tell you, you were a very handsome diva. That's not what I wanted to talk about though.

Our first prom. The Autumn Ball. Junior year. The school gymnasium was decorated with red, yellow and orange balloons. A disco ball was hanging from the ceiling. Every girl had spent the day doing her hair, her nails and her make-up. Every boy had spent the afternoon playing video games until the very last minute. We went with two of our friends and their dates. We had a great night. We danced, drank too much punch and explored our school at night. We made out in Mr. Pollock's class. And in Mrs. Kim's. And in the girl's bathroom on the fourth floor. And in the boy's locker room. You were wearing a black suit with a white dress shirt. I had convinced you to undo your bowtie after dinner. After a couple of songs, you undid the first button of your shirt. Your hair was tossed to one side and there were strands that didn't want to cooperate. You looked extremely hot. Every girl at the party thought so, but you were mine. You were dancing with me. You were coming home with me. You loved me. You kept telling me how beautiful I looked in my long marine dress.

We both knew what was going to happen that night when we would go home. Your parents had agreed to let you sleep at my place because they thought mine would be there, but they weren't. My dad was at a conference in New York and my mother was visiting her sister with my brother. My mom knew. We both thought she didn't but she did. She later told me she would rather know I was having sex in my bed then somewhere a little creepy or dirty or both.

You had told me you had bought condoms the week before. We were all set. When we left the party, we knew exactly what we were going to do. We were both ready. We both loved the other very deeply. We felt giddy like we were hiding this very big secret from everyone else.

Your mouth was on mine the minute we walked through my front door. We had never kissed like that, with so much passion. Your hands were on my hips while mine were unbuttoning your shirt. You threw me over your shoulder making me squeal. You walked up the stairs to my room and threw me on my bed. You took your shirt off and unbuttoned your dress pants. Leaving them on, you got onto the bed, on top of me and started to kiss my neck. Your fingers fiddled on my back, looking for the zipper of my dress. A satisfied smile appeared on your face when you finally found it, making me laugh. While you pulled my dress down my arms, I pushed your pants down. I was in my bra and panties while you were only in your boxers. You were gorgeous baby. And so was I apparently. The image of you, half naked in my bedroom will be with me forever. We finally finished undressing ourselves. I didn't feel shy. It was you. I had always been comfortable with you. I remember being able to see the love in your eyes.

"There we are. In all our glory." Those were your first words since we had entered my house. I laughed so hard. I wasn't nervous anymore. I felt so loved. I felt cherished. The boy I loved the most in the world, my favorite human, was about to show me how much he loved me. How could I be nervous?

It was perfect. You were perfect. With all your flaws and mistakes, you were perfect. A girl could not have a better first time than this. A guy could not have a better first time than this. A few minutes after it was over, I was laying in your arms. You looked at me straight in the eyes and you told me you loved me. You tapped my nose with your finger before kissing it. "How about some music" you said. You turned on my small TV and changed the channel to the radio one. "Man! I feel like a woman" by Shania Twain came on. We both looked at each other laughing uncontrollably. I started singing the song and, not long after, you joined me. Just like that, it became our song. For Christmas that year, I bought you the album. And you bought me her most recent one. Our parents have never been so lost. Why would two teenagers be interested in Shania Twain that much?

How did that change me? You made me feel important. You made me feel cherished and deserving of your love. Deserving of love period. Because of you, I will never accept to be treated like dirt by anyone, especially a boy. I know that men like you exist. Why would I settle for someone who doesn't respect me? You gave me confidence in myself. Because of you, I know that I am beautiful. I'll never forget the look in your eyes when you saw me for the first time that night. You thought I looked good in my dress, with my hair and my make-up done, but it was when I was standing naked in front of you, that I was at my best. The light in your eyes, I'll never forget. The way you looked at me the next day when we woke up. With my hair tousled and my sleepy eyes. The light. It was still there. It was there for two and a half years. If a fifteen-year-old boy can love like that, anyone can. I fell more in love with you every day and so did you. Love like that changes you, no matter how old you are.

Remember how I wanted to write about something happy? Well I am crying. I am crying because I was so happy back then. I sometimes wonder if I'll ever be as happy. You were my world, my entire fucking universe. My life started and ended with you.

Thank you. Thank you for some amazing memories. Thank you for an amazing first time. Thank you for being an amazing first boyfriend. Thank you for being you. Thank you for making me believe in love. Thank you for changing the way I look at the world. Thank you for changing me in more ways than one. Wen I miss you too much, I listen to Shania Twain and force myself to sing as loud as I can like we did that night in my bedroom. And it works. I always end up laughing. Thank you for giving me that. Thank you for giving me you. That was the best gift you ever gave me. I'll be forever yours and you'll be forever mine.