Letters For You

The Future

Where do you see yourself in ten years Thursday, November 23rd, 2017

By Emily Davis

I don't know where I'll be in ten years. Hell, I don't even know where I'll be next year. I used to have a very precise plan, but I guess life has a way to throw all those plans away.

We had a plan. We would graduate. We would spend the summer in Europe. We would move to California, into that really cozy apartment we found. We would go to Stanford. I would study literature. You would study engineering. You would play soccer and I would find a tree to sit under while you played. I would graduate. You would three years after me. In the mean time, I would find a job in a publishing house, probably as an assistant. I would work my way up and become an editor. You would become a biomedical engineer. We would get married in the fall, on our anniversary, in Seattle. We would buy a house and start considering having children. I would get pregnant. In my dreams, it's a boy. Elliott. Then, we would have a girl, Amelia. And another girl after that, Ophelia, after the Shakespeare character. We would also adopt a little boy we met on a trip overseas. You would choose his name. That was our deal, right? I name the girls, you name the boys. We would have been happy. Very happy. That was our plan. But it's gone now. It evaporated the second that car hit yours. It went away with you. And now I don't know. I don't know what I'll be or what I'll do.

My life was all set and now it's not. Now, I have to get over the loss of the person I loved the most. Now, I have to feel whole again, even if you left with a big part of me. Now, I have to let my heart heal. I won't be able to think of the future until then.

Maybe, then, I'll be able to think about finding someone else. Only then, I'll be able to focus on my goal. Publishing is still my goal. I can see you smiling from here. You used to listen to me talk about books all the time. I know you would be happy that I am not letting go of my career goal. It just won't happen now. But maybe then. Then, it will. Then, I'll be able to think of having a family of my own. Maybe I'll name one of my children after you. You would like that, wouldn't you? Your cocky side is showing, be careful.

But I am not there yet. I am still here, healing. Waiting to feel whole again. Waiting to be able to think about you without being sad. I can't wait for the time when we can mention your name without being afraid that someone will start crying. But we are not there. Not yet. But one day, we will I promise you baby. One day, we will remember stories about you and no one will cry. We will laugh. We will laugh because you were one hell of a clown. I cannot promise to never cry though. You know me, I cry every time I watch Marley And Me. I'll always miss you. I'll never stop thinking about you.

You may not be my future anymore, but, for a while, I couldn't imagine a future without you in it. I imagined us, old and wrinkled, telling our story to our grandchildren. Still as in love as and as happy as that day, when you kissed me under the tree on the soccer field.

You will never have a future and I have to accept that. I have to get used to the fact that you will never be old and wrinkled. That you will never have grandchildren. I have to accept that before I can think about my future. So, for now, that's my future. Healing. That's what I see in my future. And then, then I'll be happy. As happy as that day on the soccer field. As grateful as that night when we had sex for the first time.

In the future, I'll be happy. If you could wish me anything, it would be to be happy. To be happy, even with all my sadness. Happy that I had two and a half years with you and not sad that you left too soon. That you left before we had our future.

My future will be bright. I have the brightest star in the sky rooting for me. It's not like I have a choice. You'll be proud of me babes. I promise you.

Thank you for the one hundred reads!! What do you think about this book up to now?? We are already half way through te first book 🙊