Letters For You

The Last Letter

Wednesday, November 29, 2084

This is it Oli. After all those years, my time has finally come. It's for tonight, I know it is and it makes me wonder if you knew it too. Did you have that weird feeling in your chest that told you something bad was about to happen? Because for you it was bad. It was bad because you were too young, and you did nothing wrong. Your death was an accident, mine is inevitable. I am 87 years old, I think I did ok. I promised you I would live for the both of us and I think I kept that promise. You tainted my whole life. My teenage years were all about you, you were everywhere during Olivia's birth, you inspired every single book I wrote, I thought about you every single day. Every day, for the past 69 years, I have thought about seeing you again. At times, the thoughts were more present, and, during others, it they only were a faint whisper in the back of my head.

I said goodbye to everyone I had to say goodbye to. Olivia and Lillian came by today with their children. I know Via knows. She was always more perceptive than her sister, but that's alright. Lillian was the light in our life, the one who always saw the positive side of things. I know they'll be fine. They had time to prepare themselves. I have been sick for a few years now, and they knew, when I declined the liver transplant surgery that I didn't have much sand left in my hourglass. I am glad that they will still have their father for a little while. Speaking of Josh, he left only moments ago when the visiting hours were over which is what he did every day since I was admitted at the hospital three weeks ago. I kept telling him to leave earlier so he wouldn't have to drive at night, but he refused every time. Right before he left, I told him I loved him, I thanked him for the wonderful life we had, and I kissed him like I hadn't in a while. Don't tell anyone, but there was even a bit of tongue in that kiss. I knew it was my last kiss ever, I wanted to make it count. I had managed not to cry, but his final words to me made my crack. "It's alright, Em. I know you'll be safe, you'll be with Oliver again. I know he'll take care of you just fine," he said, his voice breaking at the end. He's right though. I have been waiting to see you again ever since you died, and, even if it breaks my heart to leave Josh and our kids behind, I know I'll see them soon. I have a shorter time to wait until I see them then I have been waiting to see you. Unlike many letters I have written to you in the past, this one isn't a goodbye letter, it's a hello letter. It's an I've missed you so much and I am so happy to finally be with you again letter. I hope there will be a banner with the words "welcome home, Em!" written on it. I hope you will look the same as you do in my head. Your features never faded from my mind.

I am at peace with my upcoming death. I had a wonderful life with all its ups and downs. I loved more than I thought I was capable of and I don't have a single regret. I did everything I wanted to do and more. Plus, I never was the kind of person who was afraid of dying. When you died, you took every ounce of fear I had away with you. You transformed my fear into hope. I knew that dying was the only way I could ever see you again. Dying meant hope which, I know sounds weird to the ones who don't understand. You need to have felt a love so deep that it breaks you in half when you lose it to slightly understand. But my goal isn't to make people understand how we felt, it would take me a thousand lifetimes to only begin to understand it myself. I just wish that my peaceful state will put my family at peace with my death too. The worst thing you can do to someone is to contribute to their pain, so I hope that I will appease their grief just a little bit. When I will feel the last bits of life leaving me, I will picture the faces of everyone I ever loved, ending with yours. I want to feel as connected to you as possible when I exhale my last breath. I want to try and feel how you were feeling when you felt your soul giving up on you. I like to think that my face is the last one you pictured in your head, so I want to return the favor.

It's near, I can feel it. I slow my breathing down as I write these last words. I know that, when I put the pen down, I won't have much time left. I can't wait to see you, Oliver. I love you.

Author's note: This is it, everyone! The last letter from Emily to Oliver. I know it's been a while since I updated, but I wanted to get this one absolutely right, so I hope you'll forgive me ;) I hope you have enjoyed reading these letters as much as I had writing them. Thank you for embarking with me in this amazing journey that made me fall in love with writing. I will be back soon with another story, and I hope you will follow me there too. 

All the love, Alexandra xxx