Letters For You

With You

Friday, September 2, 2033

For a long time, I thought that loosing you was going to be the hardest experience of my life, but I was oh so wrong. Yes, loosing you was one of the worst things I had to go through, but I have a feeling it was easier than what happened today. I found out I was pregnant a month ago. Josh and I were thrilled. We both knew we wanted more than one kid, and the timing was pretty good. Via is almost three now, can you believe it? I know I can't. Anyway, my new book just came out, so it was a great timing for baby number two. We couldn't wait to have a big family, that's one thing he shared with you. You too wanted many many kids.

Today, I woke up with enormous pain in my lower stomach, so Josh took me to the hospital. The diagnostic was immediate, I was having a miscarriage of course. Can you tell me what happens to those small babies who weren't strong enough to live? Do they go wherever you are, or do they have their own "paradise"? If you two are together, can you take care of him or her? It's so small, please Oli.

I always thought you were a part of me, and that it was the reason why loosing you was so hard. I am not saying you weren't a part of me, but that baby really was a part of me. In fact, it was in me, and I couldn't protect it. It brought back all the guilt I felt when I thought about you dying all alone in your car. For a brief moment, I thought that I was even cursed. Everyone I love ends up dying way too soon. You did, that baby did, Margaret died a couple of years after I met her, and even my aunt died four years ago. I didn't deserve anything. I couldn't protect you, I couldn't protect my future baby, how could anyone love me? I was back into those dark thoughts I thought were behind me for good, but they came back in full force when I lost the baby.

I have one last thing to ask you, today. If you could help us have another baby, it would mean the world to us especially after today's awful experience. I know you already did so much for us, but please. It's the last time I will ask you to use your "powers" for me.

I love you Oli, and thank you for taking care of our unborn baby for us.  

I know it's been a while since the last part, and I am sorry. I have been so busy at school, I had to focus on that. Thank you for waiting xxx