Letters For You

Class Reunion

Friday, June 13th, 2031

For the first time since I graduated, I am back at Spokane High. Two months ago, I received a letter from Kelly Nash. You remember Kelly Nash? Of course, you do; she had the biggest crush on you, junior year. She was also class president and the president of most clubs. Theater, dance, art, book club, and many more were all under her control. She was in charge of the graduation ceremony, our senior prom and of the album. She wrote you a sentimental but fake homage about how well she knew you and how you will be deeply missed. It was in the album and she read it at the graduation ceremony. She stood there on the stage reading words that didn't mean a thing only ten days after your accident. Ever since that day, I always hated Kelly Nash. How often did she talk to you in all our four years of high school? Like five times, and she had the audacity to take your death as a way to get sympathy from people. Did I ever tell you that she came to me at prom to give me her condolences? Well she did, and she was upset that I didn't give her mine. When I told her that she didn't know you, she yelled that she did. She made a scene at prom, so I slapped her. Hard. I left afterwards and never came back. Until today.

I stayed in the parking lot for twenty minutes. I sat in my car until Ben texted that he was here. We walked in together, got our name tags, a very well-deserved drink and we sat at an empty table. Don't judge me, okay? I pumped all the milk I could, so would have enough even if I had to throw away every ounce today and tomorrow. The gymnasium is still the same. The same weird orange color is still on every wall just like every team picture since 1980.

No one spoke to us for a good half hour. Maybe they were too shy or maybe they didn't want to talk to the crazy girl who slapped Kelly Nash at prom. She's the one who came to talk to us first. We were on our third glass of punch. I was pretty drunk already. Just a friendly reminder that I haven't been drinking since last June. I should say that the vodka Ben added in the punch didn't help either. So, Kelly Nash. She sat beside me, grabbed my hands and gave me a kiss on each cheek that I didn't reciprocate. She asked how I was. I said good. I didn't reciprocate the question, but she answered it anyway. If it interests you, she is marvelous. She apologized for what happened at prom. I asked what happened at prom and it made her laugh. Ben almost spat his drink because he laughed to hard. She told me she read my book. I asked which one. "The letters, you silly," she answered. I nodded, and she took it as an invitation to give me her opinion about every single one of them. And I mean every single one of them. It made her laugh, but mostly cried. The most important thing is that she recognized you. I said: "Good, if someone he didn't know recognized him then I guess I did a good job." This time, Ben really did spit his punch all over the table.

After cleaning up his mess, she asked me what was going on in my life. I told her about Olivia, keeping the details to myself. "Oh my God, Em. That's great! I have a daughter too, older though, she is already four. You'll see, time flies when you have kids." She called me Em. In total, she called me Em five times during our short conversation. Then, she said exactly what she shouldn't have. I am letting you take a guess. Yep, she talked about you. "And the anniversary is next week, right? The 22. I always go say a small hello just, so he knows that we haven't forgotten about him." I asked her if she wanted what happened at prom to happen again. She told me no, so I told her to shut up. I grabbed Ben's hand and we left.

We walked in the hallways we used to know by heart. The hallway where we would hide to kiss before we had to go to class. The one that led to the art classes on the third floor. They changed the paintings on the walls. Instead of the big bird, there is an owl drawn with only straight lines. Our old lockers. We couldn't open them since they were locked, but the initials we craved into mine were still there. The big O and the smaller E with a heart around them. It's still the same. Weird, right? That they kept it for fifteen years?

We even went outside, on the soccer field. The bleachers changed but they are still in the same place. Ben and I sat on them for a while in silent, only passing each other the vodka. And I saw it, or I saw the hole where it used to be. Our tree is gone, Oli. The one where I used to sit when you played soccer, the one where we kissed for the first time. Gone, just like that. Just like you. I gasped when I saw it. Without a word, I got up and walked towards it. Even the stump is gone. Grass grew over the hole it created in the ground. It is just like it never existed. In that moment, I felt empty. How could they cut a tree like that? I wished I could've said goodbye. I felt the same way as when you died. I know what you're thinking, "It's just a tree, Em. The tree didn't define us." And you're right. I know you are. I am just disappointed. It was the last living thing that represented us, and it's gone. Ben stayed in the bleachers when I went to see our tree. He waited for me to get back. We went back inside.

People didn't seem to feel shy anymore. Many people came to talk to us. One of your old teammates, Bradley Cooper, came to stand beside me when I was in front of the pictures from our year. I spotted you immediately. You were in the front row, one knee on the floor, holding the ball under your arm. You looked so happy, so proud. I touched your face with my thumb. Bradley just stood there, not saying a word. At one point, he put his arm around my shoulders and said: "He'd be proud of you." Five words, that's it. That's all he said. And I nodded, because I know you would be. I did everything I said I would when I was in high school. I am a bestselling author for goodness' sake. Of course, you would be proud, and so am I.

I am proud of what I did with my life, no matter what anyone says.

I'll always be.