If Only I Had The Words {Zalfie/Joella}

[12]

Camera in one hand, nothing in the other. Today was the day I was going to begin vlogging. I was terrified let me tell you that. After Alfie left last night, I felt a rush of confidence, a confidence that had to be used. I applied loads of foundation to fill the bruises, which hadn't disappeared but I wish they would. I took a deep breath and hit record.

"Hello everybody! You're all probably really worried about me but I swear I'm okay. I just wanted to vlog today to tell you what has been happening!" I said, I felt a whole weight had been lifted from my shoulders. "My apartment is very tidy, surprisingly. I'm going out with Jack tonight so that should be fun, and well I not sure if I'm going to be continuing Youtube. I know this is weird, but I don't feel that enthusiam and excitement about filming anymore, maybe I will in the future but right now I feel nothing. No, I'm not depressed! It just it takes that usual boost to make you film everyday and thats why it's took so long for me to record one simple video. If you all go to twitter right now send me a tweet with the #askzoe then I will ask furthermore questions." I smiled, my eyes welling up with tears. "Bye guys." I shut the camera and sank to the floor. Burying my face in my hands. I pulled out my phone sending a quick text to Alfie.

'To: Alfie:

Just filmed a video about to post.'

I walked over to my MacBook, which was still open from when I was scrolling through Tumblr, pictures of me with get well soon posted on them which I liked making the fans happy. I took the memory card out the camera and inserted it in the laptop, popping up with the video I just made. My eyes have massives bag under them, thanks to the amount of sleep I had. There wasn't any need for anything so I opened Youtube, signed into my account and began to upload my video which would take ten minutes.

I stood up and walked to the kitchen, taking out a rose pink, heart-shaped bowl of out the cupboard. I opened up the fridge, taking out strawberries, pineapple and greek yogurt. Picking up my pink knife, which made me chuckle everytime and began chopping the strawberries and pineapple. Once that was completed I added the greek yogurt followed by the fruit. To top it off I put honey on the top. I sat by the couch next to my mac eating away at my meal. My video had uploaded and I was already getting loads of tweets. I decided to reply to some.

'FROM @yoursuggless: We've been so worried! Are you actually leaving Youtube?

TO @yoursuggless: It's not official, but it might happen :('

'FROM @zalfieluvverr: Why were you on the verge of tears? WE LOVE YOU!'

TO @zalfieluvverr: It was very emotional for me to leave you guys, you'll always be in my heart <3

I wiped the tears that left my eyes, still eating my greek yogurt. The fans made me want to stay even more and that's why I love them so much. I answered a few more tweets, tears draining down my face. I haven't cried this much since I found out about Courtney and Alfie. Courtney. I bet she's planning my death this very second. I hope not.

***

'From: Jack:

We're going to be walking along the pier, see you in an hour :) x'

'To: Jack:

Okay just getting changed!

My makeup had been applied, red lips and smoky eye. I left my hair down, I wasn't having a bad hair day so that was nice. I wore a turquoise and white striped dress which flared down to my knees, some simple black sandals finished the outfit. I tried texting Alfie a few times but he wouldn't answer. It wasn't like him to answer.