If Only I Had The Words {Zalfie/Joella}

•33•

A/N: This chapter will include negative thoughts and sucidal triggers. if anyone is suffering from these please talk to someone, everyone is worth something in the world, never give up on yourself. A good friend told me rain comes before the rainbow.

ZOES POV

I woke up with a banging headache, no one could deny the amount of pain in my head. What happened last night?

I remember Jack telling me he doesn't like being apart of the YouTube community and wants to do something else before continuing YouTube.

He's has a flight booked next month to travel to New Zealand, where he will stay for three months. This will be full of activities, and many crazy adventures.

I can't believe I ditched Alfie last night, I will be surprised if he's still here.

Then...

The soft smell of bacon made me rush out of bed, was Alfie still here?

I walked, wearing the clothes I had on yesterday, how hygienic.

Alfie stood in the kitchen, joggers only on. He turned to me and smiled, "Morning love, how's your head?"

"Banging," I complained, sitting down at the table and burying my head into my sweater. "What did I do last night?"

"Got pissed, do you want some paracetamol to help the headache?" He asked, sitting next to me on the stools and wrapped his arm around my waist.

"Mhm," I mumbled, snuggling into his neck. He laid a sweet kiss on my forehead before walking over to the bathroom.

Why did I see Jack yesterday? I should have been spending my time with Alfie. I still can't get the thought out of my head that Alfie picked me out of all girls. It still very overwhelming.

He walked out the bathroom, two aspirins in his hand and a glass of water. "Here you go babe." He smiled, handing me the medicine and water.

I insert both pills into my mouth swallowing them with water. "Also, Louise called earlier, she wanted to speak."

Louise. I haven't spoken to her for ages, sometimes I forget and it's something I have to get on top of. I walk over to the home phone, my phone isn't in my pocket it must be somewhere in the house.

I dial Louise's number and await the few rings before she answers. "Hello?" A cheery voice rang through the phone.

"Hi Louise, it's Zoe. Alfie said you wanted to speak?" I asked, taking a seat on the couch.

"Ah yes, YouTube called earlier and they asked me to invite you to Playlist!" She exclaimed. Playlist? Why was I invited to playlist when I wasn't really a Youtuber? I've been to Playlst once before and it was the greatest expierence of my life.

"Playlist? Wow," I breathed. Youtube was very generous to let me go on this trip. "I didn't think I was allowed to go."

"Well they were considering it and I told them how you were trying to get out of a troubled past, there letting you go onto it to decided whether or not you want to continue Youtube." 

Continuing Youtube? Why does everyone want me to continue? How would they feel if a crazy ex-girlfriend was on the hunt for you, trying to kill you? But going to Florida would mean escaping Courtney, and not have to worry every five seconds if she is behind me. 

Maybe I should go to Playlist. 

"Sure, why not? What do I have to do?" 

"Bring a camera, you have to vlog it. Like last year, remember?" She asked, I missed the pure voice of Louises. 

"Of course,"

JACKS POV

The nicotine cigarette placed between my plump lips. I take a heavy inhale, tasting the poison on my tongue. God, I hated myself. I hated myself for getting myself involved with Zoe. 

Zoe.

I was in love with her, I never was but now that I've gotten to know the sweet girl I can't leave her alone. I fucking hate Alfie, for taking her.

I pick up the brown liquid taking a swig, the burning liquid fireing my throat. Why was I alive in this world? I should just fucking die. Nobody cares about me. 

A knock enlights the door. "It's open!" I shout, lying down on the clammy couch. 

Courtney walks in, a tight dress hugging her hips. A pair of white hooker boots included. "Hey." She smirks, taking a cigarette out her pocket and lighting it.

"What do you want?" 

"I came to see my boy, can't I?" Her british accent whispering, she takes a seat next to me, her cold hand touching my shoulder. 

Like her soul. 

"I want to get out the bet." I declared, backing away from her touch. 

"Excuse me?" 

"With Zoe, its a mean thing to do to her, why do you want to hurt her so badly?" I shouted, jumping up from the couch and standing in front of her. "Zoe is by far the greatest human on this planet, better then you, you bitch." 

"How would you feel if the guy you are completly in love with runs away with a whore!" She yells, tears streaming her eyes. "How would you feel waking up every morning by yourself wanting to die!" Sobs filling the room. "I know something about Zoe, that no-one else does! I know the bitch for herself!" 

"As if I'm going to believe you? You're a fucking cow." And thats what it took for Courtney to pull out the silver weapon from her pocket and bang.

A/N: I almost feel sorry for Courtney but I don't. Oh well. Can we all give each other a high five? We've reached chapter 33!! This is so amazing! I honestly didn't know what to expect with this book but now I'm glad I had the chance to write and make you happy :) 

IM SEEING ONE DIRECTION NEXT YEAR