If Only I Had The Words {Zalfie/Joella}

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11:40pm

'Zoe if you'd let me explain, you've got this whole story wrong, just please... answer the phone.'

11:54pm

'Are you serious? Still not answering? Why won't you let me explain- Courtney isn't in my life'

12:30am

'I'm not going to sleep unless I hear your voice'

12:31am

'I know your not asleep Zoe love, please baby answer the phone'

1:40am

'It-it's hard not to hear your voice. I've been sat here for the past hour... crying and you still haven't answered. I will never sleep without you Zoe, not unless we deal this like adults'

2:01am

'I'm not seeing Courtney Zoe, I want to be with you, why can't you take that? I want to be with you and only you.'

2:15am

'I fell asleep for five minutes, then woke up from a nightmare... of you. Please just... answer the phone.

4:35am

'It hurts to not hear your voice. I care about you Zoe with all my heart and for you to leave me and kick me out like that makes my heart break into little small pieces. You are the world that makes me smile when I'm down. I'm coming to your house soon, even if you call the police. I'll have to see you one more time.'

5.50am

'Night baby, don't let the bed bugs bite.'

No tears were streaming down my face, I felt numb inside. I was curled up into a ball under the answer phone. Hearing his voice only made me set off again.

I don't think I'll be able to sleep, nor ever sleep. My heart was officially broken. Me and Alfie weren't even dating, but I knew it was at the back of his mind and at the back of mine.

I got up from my position and walked to the kitchen, I didn't like coffee so I settled on salted caramel tea, one of my favourites. I turned on the kettle and pulled out my phone going on twitter.

'Zozeebo: how is everyone feeling today? Ask me questions ! #zoellaasks'

I decided to start and hashtag, the fans always made me feel better, even if it was a pat on the back.

My phone instantly began buzzing and coming up with replies. I swiped my finger and stopped on a random name.

'@suggletlife: @Zozeebo #zoellasks. If you could have anything in the world what would you have?'

What would I have in the world? Nutella? Everyone loves Nutella.

'@Zozeebo: @suggletlife Nutella !'

The tweets carried on for another hour, it made me feel a lot more better. But I knew one thing I had to do, which would make me feel better, go visit my Mum or Dad.

***

I knocked on my Mum's house, a few times before she answered the door. My mum and Dad have been divorced since 2010 which was one of the many reasons why my panic attacks started. My mum answered the door her eyes widening from seeing me then she pulled me into her arms.

"Zoe! I haven't see you in ages, what's wrong puppet?" She asked, stroking my hair with her slender fingers.

"Everything gone wrong mum." I sobbed, she put her hand behind my neck and pulled me into her shoulder, me sobbing into her shoulder.

"Come in Zoe." She whispered, putting her hand on my back when she took me inside. It smelt like caramel and vanilla in here which made me instantly feel like I was at home. All the pictures I have grown to know and love are now hanging in my mums little small cottage. "What happened to your head hunny?"

"Um... I was actually in a car accident, did Joe not tell you?"

"Joes currently in South Africa with Caspar without his phone, why didn't you tell me sweet pea?" She asked calmly, this is what I loved about my mum, she was the one that rarely shouts.

I walked into the living room and sat next to my mum on the couch and hugged a cushion. "I wanted to tell you mum, honestly, but it's been hard for me the past two months and we haven't spoken for that long... so I thought... you didn't care." I stuttered.

"Aw hunny, I'll always care about my little girl, I remember when you were younger and you'd come running about a boy breaking up with you." She slightly laughed, taking me back to old days. I did have a few boyfriends back then. "Now what did you want to come to speak to me about Zoe?"

"Boys," I laughed wiping the dry tears under my eyes. "I've had this on and off relationship thing with Alfie but on the otherhand I've been hanging out with Jack."

"Which one do you care about the most?" She asked, stroking my fringe behind my ear.

"What?"

"Which one do you truly care about Zoe, be honest now."

"I really don't know to be honest, but the one I always fight for and run back to is Alfie, he makes me feel like a whole new person. I mean Jack is a nice guy but I wouldn't do things to him that I have done for Alfie." I said honestly, Alfie is my way for freedom and for me, to be me.

"Then speak to him Zoe, you sound like you really like the boy," She said, just speaking about Alfie just makes me want to run back to him and talk to him. "Find the right time and discuss this as adults."

"I will do that mum, but I think I'm going to stay here with you for a bit, I've missed you." I said, snuggling my head into her shoulder.

"I missed you too hunny."

|A/N: how is everyone doing? how was this chapter? too short? tell me what you think in the comments.

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