If Only I Had The Words {Zalfie/Joella}

[08]

-ZOE'S POV-

"Jack-" I said into the kiss, he pulled away, his green eyes dazing into mine. "You have to know that I'm not ready for this." I whisper, my hands on his chest.

"No Zoe, I shouldn't have done it. I couldn't control myself, I'm sorry." He mumbled, I could tell he was uncomftable by the way he was moving his thumbs and not making eye contact with me.

"Jack I don't want you to be embarrased by this, maybe one day I'll be ready for you, but right now I have to focus on getting better."

"I understand, I better go." He whispered, grabbing his jacket and walking towards the door.

"Jack, plea-" But the door slammed, was he really that angry that I refused his kiss? I mean it's just a kiss, nothing more then that. Jack is my friend, and I used to have feelings for him but then he started shutting me out and they vanished.

I check the time on my watch, 9:45. I was pretty tired so I should go to bed. The doctor told me sleep and medication will get me better. I walked into the bathroom looking into the mirror and the disgusted view in front of me.

I had a big, brown bruise on head which had a massive scar just above it. A massive purple bruise covered my nose, it wasn't broken but it hurt. I felt ugly, and disgusted with myself. I no longer felt beautiful, I felt insercure.

I walked into the bedroom, the one I hadn't been in, in ages. The same quilt still carresed the bed, but it was made perfectly. I changed into a pair of blue cottom pajamma bottoms and a black tank top. I slipped into the bed, and my eyes became droopy and heavy.

✿✿✿✿

I woke up twice last night, with a massive headache, I drank two pills and I was fast asleep again. I needed some time to spend with someone, I couldn't keep myself sane by myself. Maybe Alfie? He did ask me if I wanted to hang out sometime I'm sure he wouldn't mind.

I take my phone out of my pocket, and open up Alfie's contact.

To: Alfie From: Zoe

Hey Alfie, I was wondering if you wanted to come over? I'm not able to keep myself sane by myself, be careful when you come I might be rocking in the corner mumbling to myself ;) x

He texted back straight away.

From: Alfie To: Zoe

Sure, I'd love to. You make me want to come over even more. Should be there in ten minutes, byeee x

Thank goodness he was coming, I liked hanging around with Alfie, it was fun. We could laugh about anything even if it isn't funny. I still wonder if he's still dating Courtney? The last time I saw them two together, he was shouting at her and she was sobbing.

I did my hair into a messy bun, and I wore a white collar dress. Something simple. I applied minium makeup. My door knocked mulitple times, I shot up and ran to the door opening to Alfie with a crooked smile. "Hey," I breathed.

"Hello Zoe." He smiled, leaning against the door frame.

"Come in." I grinned, he walked in eyeing his surroundings. He looked along the pictures on the wall.

"It's beautiful here." He gasped, I realised Alfie has never been here before because we were never really friends.

"Homey, isn't it?" I chuckled, a smile tugged at his mouth. "Someone cleaned it and I had no idea who."

"Whoever did, they did it great." Flashbacks of Jack saying the same words. "wanna watch a film?"

"Sure." I replied and picked the movie box from the bottom of the TV. "Mean Girls or The Conjuring?"

"Ooo... that's a hard one. I'm going to have to go for... The Conjuring." He smiled and walked towards the kitchen. "I'll make some popcorn, butter or sweet?" He shouted from the kitchen.

"Butter would be lovely thanks." I placed the DVD in the player and pressed pause not wanting to watch any without Alfie. I heard the sound of faint popping in the distance, butter filling my nostrils. 

Alfie soon came back with two bowls; butter and sweet. I happily took the popcorn out of his hands and began munching on the crisps. The movie began to play, creepy music was all that was heard. "Are you glad your out?" Alfie asked, taking his large hand and filling it with popcorn. 

"Really glad, it was horrible being in there." I said, my eyes still focused on the movie.

"I'm glad you're out as well, it was heartbreaking seeing you in there." He mumbled, my cheeks flushed at his cuteness. "Joe came to Brighton." 

"What?" I gasped. Joe? Joe as in my little brother? I haven't seen him in two years, why would he possibly want to come to Brighton, was he trying to find me? "Joe? As in my brother?"

"Yes Zoe, he was worried. Really worried." He sighed, running a hand through his brown, straight hair. "They want you to come back."

"You mean back home?" I couldn't go back home. My mum and dad got a divorce back in 2010, making my panic attacks and anxiety twice as worse. I had to leave that place, and it was for the best.

"Yes, they are willing to help you."

"But I'm not going back there, it full of bad memories. I know I said in the hospital I would, but it's a stupid idea. I'm staying here in Brighton with people who actually care for me." I said, my gaze finally coming off the television and back into Alfie's eyes. "You being one of them Alfie, I haven't thanked you enough." 

"S'okay, I just care for you Zoe, a lot." 

"I'm not leaving here any time soon." I confirmed, Brighton was my home, and always will be my home. 

"I love the way your cheeks blush." He whispered, brushing his long fingers across my cheek bone, a set of goosebumps appearing. "I love how you try to act like you don't care, but I know you do." He strokes the purple bruise on my nose. 

"I feel ugly." I blurted out, I was meant to say it in my head but it came out of my mouth.

"Don't you dare say your ugly Zoe Sugg, you're beautiful in every single way." He whispered harshly. "What do you want Zoe?" He asked, his lips brushing mine. 

"I-I want you to k-kiss me." I stammered, he chuckled then crashed his lips onto mine. His hand was cupping my face, setting a steady rhythm for our kiss. Alfie's tongue runs along my bottom lip asking for access, which I reply to. Our tongues battle and brush with each other. I pull away breathless my hands on his chest. "I'm sorry." 

"No it's fine, it was just a kiss right?" 

"Yeah I know, but you're having troubles with Courtney." I can't help the butterflies exploding in my stomach. I craved Alfie's lips more than Jacks. "I don't want to be doing this, when you have a girlfriend." 

"No, no I understand. Let's just continue the movie, yeah?" Well, at least Alfie is better then Jack. 

Authors note: OMG I had to go on this CCF (army thingy) trip, and it was two days but I had to sleep overnight in a tent with five other people!! *PANIC* I hate being around loads of people because I feel cramped and I like to be spaced out. 

Thank you for reading this, I think I'm a crap writer (and updater!! sorry!!) but I hope I keep you smiling and happy :-)

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